A Writer's Corner

I'm Back to Blogging!

2010-11-01T14:01:00.002-04:00

I'm such a quitter. I hate that my writing always has to take a back seat. So first there was photography, which I love, but is not my first love. And then there was Facebook. Damn Facebook. It sucks the time out of you. Now I'm back to writing. I started back up on my Fanfiction. It's dorky, I know, but at least it exercises my writing muscles which seem to be non-existent most of the time.

So anyway, to clue you in on what's been going on. Have I mentioned that I had my son? Well, I did, more than 7 months ago. Love this kid to pieces. Seriously the happiest baby I know. And he's all mine.

My three-year-old. God how this kid makes me want to stab myself repeatedly. I love her to pieces as well but boy is she a challenge and she has quite the smart mouth on her. So my disciplining skills can use a little tuning up. So maybe I shouldn't laugh when she calls me a 'friggin' moron' because I can't work the DVD player. But in my defense, she caught me off guard, tell me you wouldn't have laughed too. Then the other day she called me an 'idiot' and I say, 'Excuse me, what did you say.' And she says, 'I can't repeat it.' Huh? Very cute. So I ask again, 'What did you say?' Her: 'Umm...I said, you is muy linda.' Right, since when does a three-year-old understand the concept of flattery. And you should see the fights that she has with her 5 year-old cousin. Like the fact that she's going to call the police and put her cousin in jail. This sent the 5 year-old cousin into a crying fit. Can I just add that I am secretly pleased that she is so sassy. It'll come back and bit me in the arse, I know.

And me, still trying to lose weight. Except that now it's about 30 pounds. The weight doesn't come off easily for me, mainly because I can eat, ALOT. And also because every time I do manage to lose some weight Victor goes ahead and knocks me up again. Thanks, Victor. Seriously not going to let him throw me so much as a sideways glance while I'm ovulating.

Victor, he bought a boat. Yup, I had a baby and he bought a boat. That about sums up the last year in a nutsell.

I think I may be in trouble

2009-12-01T01:35:00.002-05:00

Today I asked Aixah if she would be nice with baby Jonah.
We were cuddling on the couch together after bathing and it was just the perfect time.
I guess Aixah is sick of hearing about baby Jonah and mami's panza, so she quickly answered, 'no,' and gave me a nice wacking across my VERY pregnant belly.
And here I thought she wasn't the jealous type, hmm...

My picture of the day

2009-11-30T00:18:00.010-05:00

Only one good photo of Aixah taken this weekend, but one that I love nonetheless.

The cowgirl:

Trying to go vintage and a tighter crop.

Are you happy, mami?

2009-11-28T14:34:00.002-05:00

I'm about to head out but I just wanted to write out this dialogue that Aixah and I just had.

Mami, are you happy?"

Me, slumped on the couch looking miserable, "No, mami's sad."

"You're sad? What's wrong, mami?"

"My stomach hurts." In reality, I'm having a little anxiety attack over having baby #2. My stress tends to reflect on some very uncomfortable stomach cramps.

"Oh don't worry, mami," a look of concern washes over her face like no other and she proceeds to give me a belly rub. Then her eyes light up and she says, "band-aid."

You see, my daughter's a genius, and she thinks that a band-aid takes away all pain. So off she goes in search of a band-aid. She comes back with diaper rash cream and, very gently, rubs it over my belly. "You're OK, mami."

Pregnancy is...

2009-11-12T12:35:00.003-05:00

(I'm remembering those little activities that we did in elementary school, where we would have to write our name vertically and write a poem using the letters of our name--I forget the name, haiku poem, maybe?). I'm bored, so here goes my attempt using the word PREGNANCY:

Preparing to have a baby

Rip through your insides and eventually rip out of you or be ripped out

Everyone is happy for you but no one actually wants to be in your place.

Grants you the ability to gain 40 lbs. in 40 weeks in all the wrong places.

Nobody cares how sick you feel, they are only asking to be polite.

And now you have an excuse to forgo those plans to diet.

Not that I needed to diet, gosh no ;)

Careful if you get sick. You can basically only take Tylenol or Benadryl. And people will still look at you like you are a horrible mother-to-be because you can't just ride out the pain.

Your breasts will engorge and swell up to the size of balloons. You want to feel sexy but you can't because, check it out, now you can make milk!

And of course, the end result is a beautiful baby:

And they will love you and cry for you. They will learn your smell, drink your milk, cry for you some more. And then one day, they will put both hands on their hips, look you straight in the eye with the most defiant look and one you've only seen on TV and say, "I no love you, mami, ok."

That day came for me yesterday, at about 6:30 PM in the evening after coming home from work.

Yeah well, some days I don't like her very much either, so there. *sticks out tongue*

My poor, sick baby

2009-11-10T14:57:00.003-05:00

This was her Sunday night, right before bed. As happy as can be with her new puppy:

Then Monday we spent the day together. She was fine. I put her down for a nap. She sleeps three full hours and wakes up vomiting.

Poor thing is miserable. I place her on the floor so that I can strip the bed sheets and when I walk to the living room I find her slumped on the floor like this:

She ended up puking again an hour later and was then happy as can

be. Notice that even though she is sick she is clutching her Tag Junior, her new toy, for dear life, lol.

Friday-Home with Aixah

2009-11-06T17:38:00.005-05:00

Did I mention that my new cut in hours involves having Monday's and Friday's off?

Well, to keep my sanity I am trying to take Aixah outside right before her nap and just snap a few pictures of her. Today didn't work out so well as I was hungry and she was exhausted. We were both two crabby people.

Most of the photos are out of focus.

My two favorite pictures of Aixah

2009-11-05T19:58:00.003-05:00

Here she is at 2 years and 5 months:

Isn't she beautiful? Seriously, she has the best features, add to that her sassy personality and you have THE cutest kid.

Whoa, it's got a face!

2009-11-05T01:35:00.004-05:00

Those were the exact words muttered from my Dad when I showed him my sons 20 week u/s pictures. Now I'll be honest, he's not very cute. But give the poor kid a break, he's not even a pound yet. Oh and for the record he is 14 ounces and his heart rate was 151. Apparently he doubled his weight in a 3 week period.

Here's Jonah Blake:

I am 5 months pregnant and starting my 6th month. Something like that, who can keep count. My stomach feels so tight and heavy. It hurts especially on the right side. I can feel my skin stretching and ouch it hurts. It's uncomfortable to sleep. I'm sleeping with three pillows and I'm favoring my left side. I'm a back sleeper by nature but that position is so hard on me. It feels like some one is sitting on my chest and I can't breathe. I remember being uncomfortable with Aixah but not until much later. Some times I have to take Benadryl to help me sleep. And I hate that I'm such a light sleeper. So all those nights that Victor goes into bed late I wake up and then it takes me about an hour to fall back asleep. Or those times that Victor barges into the bedroom for no apparent reason and asks me, "Are you sleeping?" Hello, are you serious? I'm a pregnant insomniac. You better be tiptoeing around me if I so much as have my eyes closed.

Work has slowed down lots. It went from being crazy busy to now only workin 20 hours a week. My new schedule is Tues, Wed and Thurs. I'm happy to have Mondays and Fridays off.

OK, I'm off to bed. It's almost 2AM here, waaay past my bedtime but the Yankees just won the world series and I was celebrating with a bucket of popcorn, mmm.

Oh the hormones

2009-10-26T17:51:00.003-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I finished watching the last half hour of "Marley and me." SPOILER>>>>>>>>>>

The dog dies at the end.

On a normal day this would make me cry.

But as a very emotional pregnant person this had me bawling like a baby.

#1 because I remembered that my chihuahua, Tilly passed away about 3 years ago.

#2 because I love Labrador Retrievers and realized that I would probably never own one.

And #3 because if I ever did own a labrador retriever they would eventually die and that alone made me sad.

So my days are filled with this emotional turmoil and guilt. I have all this guilt. So I feel guilty because I didn't try hard enough to breast feed my daughter. I've had dreams that I'm breast feeding my son and I wake up sad. So now I can't breast feed my son because that may land me on medication for postpartum depression.

And just now I was looking on amazon.com at one of those scrap booking pregnancy books and I saw those footprints that you get at the hospital when your child is first born and realized that I have no idea where Aixah's foot prints are. Nor do I remember where her first strands of hair are, or her dried-up, extremely gross umbilical cord stump. My cousin has a picture of her daughter's first poop. Why didn't I take a picture of Aixah's first poop and scrap book it? I don't even have an actual pic of her when she was first, first born because in my rush, with my water breaking and all I left my camera at home. And almost no one came to visit me at the hospital besides my husband, my parents and my poor aunt that travelled over two hours and took the Staten Island Ferry on a very rainy day. So I'm this horrible, unorganized, hormonal mother from hell that can't seem to shake this sadness away. I don't want Aixah to grow up with this huge complex because I saved baby #2's footprints and never scrap booked hers, you know.

There's something about Sunday's that make me nostalgic

2009-09-20T22:18:00.005-04:00

It could also be the preggo hormones that have me pleasent one moment and super crabby witch the next--darn hormones.

But even pre-pre-pregnancy there's always been something about Sunday's. So I always make it a point to go out. And by going out I mean KH and then lunch/dinner. It's not like I go out to parties or out for drinks.

Today was one of those days where I wanted to go out and no one else was interested. I really wanted Thai food but apparently even when you're pregnant you don't get to eat what you want. It kinda sucks. So we came straight home and Victor and Aixah took a nap and I ate microwavable tacos from Costco. It's what happens when you can't cook and have no desire to learn. After those tacos I had some cake that Victor baked about 3 weeks ago. Then I got sleepy and was ready for a nap. It turned out to be a 15 minute nap because then Aixah and Victor woke up. Yay, I got to watch cartoons for the next 3 hours.

I'm kinda rambling here but Victor's wanted me to blog something nice and I just can't get past this grey cloud I have hanging over my head; mostly on Sunday's, Monday through Friday I am too busy working to feel blah.

So to be balanced and blog something neutral--I'm in my second trimester, I'm fat, I still haven't seen a Dr. but maybe soon, and I feel the baby moving (mostly when I'm hungry).

I still think this is a boy and we think we have a name but I don't think I'll be sharing as my names always seem to get snatched up by people that have their babies first.

I also think I found a stroller I love. I don't know why I obsess over strollers. Maybe since I don't drive then this is the equivalent to getting a car for me. Anyhow, I'm posting a pic of the stroller because I know come 6 months from now I'll have no idea if I wanted a Combi or a Peg Perego or a Maclaran (is it sad that I know these brands so well?).

Moving on to my first born and my favorite child, she is such a little girl. She likes jewelry, she asks Dad for money, she looks at herself in the mirror. Her hair is finally growing long and it's still light in color. I bought her a few cute outfits in Gymboree that I am dying for her t0 model so I can get some cute photographs. She's also been peeing in the potty in the morning and she says, "I did it!"

She's gotten back into cuddling. She does this alot. Hugs me and kisses me and says, "I love you mami," or, "Gracias mami," like when I change her clothing or her diaper. There's something about that that warms my heart but also something that makes me sad. I guess sad to know that she won't be the only one come March, that she'll have to share our attention and affection. It makes me a scared too, to know that I'll have to divide myself between two little people. I can barely keep up with Aixah how can I deal with two?

It looks like I may finally be insured

2009-09-13T21:24:00.002-04:00

The four of us, actually.
Yes, we will be four. The thought of that even number scares the daylights out of me. But this baby ain't going any where.

So I went for the insurance on Saturday. A trip to the Medicare Office in Coney Island that lasted 5 miserable hours. Do you know how much paper work they asked me for? I had birth certificates and passports, driver's license, marriage certificate, pay stubs, bills, yadda, yadda. And I was still missing Aixah's SS card, that'll cost me a trip to the SS office. Either way my claim will be processed within 30 days. I have a good feeling about this. I think I got it. I really pray that I do because who knows what Plan B is.

I guess this should be the week that I finally tell my bosses that I'm preggers. Once I do I won't have to worry so much about what to wear. It's still Sunday, let me not even think about them and work for now.

Sharing Pics from this past weekend

2009-09-11T14:27:00.004-04:00

Of Aixah, of course:

Dreams about chocolate glazed donuts

2009-09-11T09:10:00.003-04:00

Like the ones that you find in Dunkin Donuts. Gosh, those use to be my favorite donuts and now I can't even remember the last time I had one.

This morning's dreams were all about getting my chocolate glazed donut. It turns out that I'm back in school, Baruch College. And apparently the College is now serving free dessert buffets or whatever you want to refer to it. They have this belt, similar to the luggage belts in airports, but smaller, and the belt deposits ALL the sweet delights that my imagination could think of. There was everything: Cinnamon Buns, muffins, croissants, carrot cake...But all I wanted was a chocolate glazed donut.

Along comes this fat black lady and her kid (now I'm not rascist but apprently I am in my dreams, lol) with this HUGE tray. And the belt is moving dessert platters in a clockwise dance. And can you believe the audacity of this woman? She removes the entire tray of donuts off the belt and walks away. She couldn't take 1 or 2 donuts she had to take everything. That witch.
So now I'm in a predicament because I really want a chocolate glazed donut.

As dreams would have it. There is another dessert buffet in the next room over. This one seems to be an Entenmann's buffet. But I'm not interested in any of that. Until I see two chocolate glazed donuts stacked neatly, one on top of the other, next to a coffee machine. So I'm going to grab these with one of those tissue wraps and then I see a box only a few feet away. My greedy mind thinks, get the box because then you can stock up on everything in case you get hungry later. SO I swear I only walk a few steps forwards and grab the box and when I turn around the donuts are gone. WHO is messin' with me!!! You would think I'd catch a break in my dreams right? UGH.

Anyway, no dhocolate glazed donuts for me. I don't know why pregnancy give me a free pass to want to eat all this junk food. Everyone else I know goes through an organic, hardcore veggies and fruits diet. For some reason people think the more fruits you eat while pregnant the cleaner your babies face will be when they are born. Mothers have an obsession with their kid NOT having baby acne. Why is that even important? My daughter had the cleanest skin and I maybe had 1 fruit while I was pregnant with her. SO there! And she was also THE cutest baby in the NICU. And, if you want to hear something that will really make you spin on your heels--I breastfed her for three months while being on a Chips Ahoy only diet. Mine had to be the sweetest milk out there.

Monday-Labor Day

2009-09-07T12:17:00.004-04:00

I cannot express how thrilled I am to not be in the office today. I know I should be grateful for every day of work because at any moment I could stay without one but I just honestly needed a break from the routine and from the people and the e-mails and the meetings.

I asked Aixah what she had planned for the day and her reply was, "casa de Ada." She wants to go to abuelitas house, of course. I want to go out too. Last night I asked Victor to take us out for breakfast in the am but it is now 12 in the afternoon and he is still in bed. Go figure that he was up all night playing with his new laptop. I'm OK with that because this means a littl bit of secret playtime with his computer (he doesn't want me using his computer :(). I like this laptop because it has a nicely-sized screen. I'm just salivating over editing photos on this screen, lol. Now only if my husband would be kind enough...sigh.

So this weekend we did the following:
Saturday-Took Aixah to the circus. Or as Aixah referred to it yesterday, "casa elephant" = house of the elephant. She loved it. Watched most of the show with an open mouth. Then Victor and I managed to have a date night. We went to the movies and we will not be going back to the Pavillion on Prospect Park. Our seats were broken as in they leaned all the way to the back like laying down on the other person's lap. And the theatre itself only had 50 seats and it was packed so the option of moving was unacceptable. Victor said that if he hadn't been in such a good mood he would've asked for his money back. I believe him because a few years back, at a theatre in Manhattan, the concession stands were all out of hotdogs. I don't know how everything worked out because I was waiting for Victor in my seat but next thing I know Victor comes back empty-handed and a few minutes later a staff member comes in with a tray of food. They delivered the food to our seats so that we wouldn't miss the movie, crazy, no?

Anyway, Sunday after KH we went to El Viejo Yayo and ate tostones. I've been craving tostones for the past week and half. We brought my grandmother with us and she remembered to bring her teeth. And she didn't do anything embarrassing like remove her teeth at the table, eew.

Today I think we're just laying low. I have to run now, Aixah is climbing the walls, literally.

Aixah's Birth Story--REPOST

2009-09-04T16:51:00.001-04:00

Rubie & Aixah
Aixah’s Birth Story

Tuesday May 15, 12:44am
I had just gotten into bed, 15 minutes before. I was lying on my back and decided to rollover onto my left side. A few seconds later I felt a gush of water. And when I say gush, I mean gush. I called Victor and told him, “I broke my water…look there’s water all over the bed. He helped me get out of bed, and there was more water as I made it to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for like an hour, my water still coming in gushes every so often. While I sat there my DH got dressed, paged the Dr.and proceeded to help me pack my hospital bag. We were both very calm.

At 2:00 am we headed out to the hospital. I was wearing my maternity jeans and newborn diapers so that I wouldn’t leak amniotic fluid all over the car. All the while, I’m thinking, “I can’t believe I’m going to have a May baby…I’m only 34 weeks,” and, “I never even got a baby shower,” and “We didn’t paint the bedroom,” and, “I’m so glad I got a pedicure yesterday and groomed myself you know where, just this week,” and, “Thank God my water didn’t break when I was on the train this morning.”

We arrived to the hospital at 2:29 am, and walked over to the emergency room. My DH parked in a no parking zone because the parking lot is so far from where we had to go. At the ER I used the bathroom and saw that I had lost my mucus plug (it was on the diaper and it’s just as gross as everyone has described). We went to the second floor, labor and delivery, and of course, had to explain insurance and all that good stuff. When she put the hospital band on my wrist I began to cry--it had suddenly become very real.

I was then called over by a scruffy nurse who looked like a janitor and cried some more. He loked like he should be holding a mop, not hooking me up to a fetal monitor. I was given the hospital gown and told to strip from the waist down (yes, I cried some more). I was then plugged onto a fetal heart monitor. Her heart rate ranged from 140ish to 160ish. A Dr. came and did that cervical exam (you guessed it, I cried, and then felt violated). I was 2cm dilated, not that it mattered because the baby was still breech. It was time to bring in the big boys, I was having major surgery. I didn’t cry, I asked what type of pain meds were involved.

It must’ve been like 4am, and my Drs. Assistant (who I had never met) was due to arrive at 5. My DH made the phone calls as I proceeded to be probed and stabbed with a needle. Let me tell you, putting in an IV is painful, and who would’ve thought that it took more people and a longer amount of time to insert an IV into your vein than to perform major abdominal surgery.

After the IV, I had a catheter inserted and wow, that is not a good sensation. I kept on asking why they just couldn’t do that after I was given the spinal tap. The nurse who was doing it wasn’t very pleasant, she kept on saying, “It doesn’t hurt okay? It’s just pressure.” I wanted to pee on her hand.

I was left in peace for a while and was actually able to crack some jokes. I met the Dr. who was going to operate and my anesthesiologist, my DH changed into scruffs (is that what they call the outfit). He looked pretty funny. Kept on telling me that he had to check me down there.

My DH wasn’t allowed into the OR until after I was given the spinal tap. My anesthesiologist was wonderful, I barely felt a pinch and then a small electric current that traveled down my left leg a few moments before I lost all sensation. They did the c-section and all I felt was as if some one was drawing on my stomach and then a slight pressure as the baby was pulled out. I remember when they said that one shoulder was out. I was so excited, couldn’t wait to hear her cry.

She coughed a few times and then cried, a bit. They cleaned her and called my DH over so that he could cut her umbilical cord. They finally brought the baby over to me so that I could meet her. She looked just like me, was my first thought, and so peaceful. Then my DH left with the baby and the pediatrician (I think) to the nursery, where she was measured and weighed and given a vaccine. I was stitched up and remember feeling very thirsty.

Unfortunately Aixah was brought to the NICU and I was unable to see her again until the next day, at 5am, when I was finally able to walk.

I can’t really complain about my labor. I mean, I didn’t have any complications, no labor pains, no contractions. My water just broke, at an excellent time (I was home and my DH was with me), it couldn’t have worked out any better.

Aixah was born May 15th at 6:23 am. She weighed 5lbs. 15 oz and measured 17.5 in. We are so happy to be home with her, even if she is a little fussy at night.

Welcome to the world Aixah!!!

I'm back

2009-09-04T16:44:00.004-04:00

For a while there I had lost all contact with this site.

My computer at work crashed and then my computer at home crashed (neither of which were my fault and I promise I can be trusted with a computer) and then I forgot my password and was just too lazy to reset it.

Anyway, quick (and I mean quick) update on me. I'm 12 weeks pregnant today. Only 2 weeks away from my 2nd trimester. The baby has been kicking today like you wouldn't believe. I call the baby him because I know, I just know it's a boy. I won't be disappointed if it's a girl I'll just be surprised and disappointed in my motherly instincts.

Tomorrow I may try to go for the insurance again. My Dad volunteered to go with me since he's become pretty anxious about me not having insurance. I've actually been pretty calm, mostly because I've felt so wonderful and partly because I can think of better things to do on a Saturday morning, like sleep in, hee hee.

I've been in a HUGE funk these past couple of weeks and just now starting to feel better. I'm disappointed in a lot of things but I'm not going to let that bring me down. You cry and then you move on with it. I don't want baby #2 to suffer from depression because I cried during the majority of my pregnancy.

That's all from me. Not such a short update after all, huh. But I always have a lot to say.

What's your sleep personality?

2009-08-13T00:29:00.003-04:00

OK, so we bought the new mattress and new pillows, yes, I've mentioned this before. Our pillows came with a fun brochure with sleeping 'facts'. It analyzes your personality based on the way you sleep.

I sleep on my back with my arms above my head.
What does this say about me?

Starfish
Although they may lie on their backs with arms up and around the pillow, these back sleepers would rather hang out in the back of a crowd than be the center of attention. However they do get the spotlight when it comes to kindness. Always offering assistance and an open ear, mind and heart, these sleepers make great friends.

So now I ask Victor to read his.
He sleeps on his stomach, arms around the pillow.
What does this say about him?

Freefaller
Lying flat on their stomach, arms around the pillow and head to the side, these skydiver look-alikes are usually outgoing and can easily become hotheaded. They do not take criticism well or confrontation very well, as they are more sensitive than they let others know.

Well? For those who know us, what do you think? I have to tell you, Victor's description was right on. I'd like to say that so was mine but that wouldn't be very modest of me ;)

Still around

2009-08-12T13:02:00.003-04:00

I'm still here. Just kind of been super busy at work. I feel like I never get enough sleep and then when I get here it's rush, rush, rush and once I get home I just want to go to bed. I'm in this sleep-work-sleep-eat every two hours- cycle.

Last night I went to bed semi-late. I had put Aixah to bed at 10:15 and Victor was still not home from work (that's a whole 'nother post) so I had the TV and the couch to myself. I ordered a chick flick, 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' and enjoyed it as if it were the most fun I had had in a long time. But then I couldn't fall asleep. And even though we have a new and fantastic mattress AND new pillows, I just couldn't find my comfort zone. I must have tossed and turned and touched my belly for what must've been two dozen times. So yeah, this whole pregnancy thing is definitely on my mind.

I'm now in my third month of pregnancy which is scary. I haven't had much morning sickness although I get really nauseous if I don't eat every two or so hours. The exhaustion is horrible, I'm late to work every morning because I press the snooze button about 10 times before I actually wake up.

I still haven't told the bosses that I'm expecting although I am noticeably showing and have just stopped caring enough and don't even bother to tuck it in or hide behind my huge bag. So they must know, but then again, we've all been so busy with our ridiculous deadlines.

And I'll stop there because I have a horrible headache and I'm nauseous and it is really hot in the office today.

Rejected--of course

2009-07-31T17:21:00.002-04:00

I've just had a bad day.
I took the day off from work since ,

A. I had no one to watch the baby
and
B. I needed a day to apply for health insurance.

Let me just tell you that all this crap about the government helping women who are pregnant is all a pack of lies. And let me also say that today has re-confirmed a thousand times why I did NOT want to be pregnant at this very moment.

So Victor, the father of my un-born child, couldn't make the visit with me to the hospital because he had a VERY, extremely busy day of work. So he drops me off and I enter Lutheran Hospital, which has to be in the most depressing parts of Brooklyn, with the Toddler. I go to like 7 different stations. All the women are Hispanic and all are very helpful. At station 2 I pee in a cup and they do a pregnancy test to confirm that I am pregnant, forget the fact that it looks as if I swallowed a basketball. So I pee and they test and OH, guess what, "You are VERY pregnant." So this lady writes me a much needed letter saying that 'I am pregnant." Apparently this letter opens the gateway to heaven. It didn't for me so if anyone's interested I'll sell it to you.

Then I go to Station 3. Station 3 was a horribly long wait. Their were about 20, very much pregnant Mexican women with their kids of all ages and me with Aixah SCREAMING. It was pure joy.

After a 30 minute wait, of which Aixah screamed for 28 of them, they call me up to schedule me an appointment for Aug 17.

Then I go to the final station of all where the actual application takes place. As soon as she sees Victor and my combined income she apologetically rejects us. She hands me a handful of tissues because I can't help myself and start to cry. Then I apologize for crying because I don't want her to think that I'm trying to pull one of those acts where I kick and scream until I get insurance.

So I walk out feeling as undignified as ever and I stick myself in the closet-sized toilet that I had just peed from about an hour ago. And then I cry some more, until Aixah pulls the emergency cord. Yup. Who knows what those ladies thought. Maybe that I was trying to kill myself, the Toddler and the un-born child.

I call for a cab and cry behind my sunglasses as I wait for the car. Then I cry in the car. The cab drops me off at my house and as soon as he pulls away I realize that I don't have my house keys. BEAUTIFUL. All I want is to get home and REALLY cry and now I'm locked out. So I start walking to my Dad's house and yes, I'm crying the whole time.

As soon as I get to my Dad's house I really let it out. My Dad becomes a complete mess when I cry. It's cute because he tries to get me to laugh at his jokes.

Him: "Don't worry, baby. There are other options."
ME: (wailing) Noooo, pregnancy is a pre-exisiting condition.
Him: Well, what then. Are you going to have the baby outside on the street?"
Me: (Crying louder) YES!
Him: (Laughs) No you're not, baby.

SO yeah, today was not a good day for me.

Day 2 (of knowing I'm preggo) Week 4 of actual pregnancy

2009-07-17T17:16:00.002-04:00

And like 245 more days to go.

Aw crap!

I feel super crappy today.

I'm sick and I'm tired and I have heartburn so bad that it may have burned a hole through my esophagus.

So apparently I can still take Benadryl even though I'm pregnant (Thank you, God!), you better believe I'll be buying some at the store today. Now if I could only take a nice, long uninterrupted nap. Oh, who am I kidding. I can kiss napping and sleeping goodbye. Newborns cry incessantly, those little buggers. And I'm growing one...stinkin' parasite.

A parasite who I have begun to think up names for. Yeah, you heard right. I have a soft spot for baby #2. I'm still pissed that Victor knocked me up but what can I do about it, right. What's done is done...*sigh.

Oh have I mentioned how thrilled my parents are over the whole pregnancy thing *rolls eyes. My Dad especially. He said, "Well...things could be worse...you could be pregnant with twins."

Thanks a lot Dad, good to know I can count on your support. And my mom was all preaching contraceptives and tons of I told you so's...ugh.

Anyway, I seriously gave all of my stuff away. Everything. Brand new Dr. Brown bottles, all of my maternity clothing, exersaucer, swing, bouncy seat. Would it be wrong to kindly ask for those things back, if they aren't using them, that is? You know what the sweetest thing is is that my SKs friends who I've known (cyberly) for almost 3 years offered to send my their baby things once I know what I'm having. The mere thought makes me want to cry. These girls rock. The other day I wanted rain boots for Aixah and one of the girls sent it to me via postman. I had it at my doorstep within 2 days. This is just how they are. Very giving.

Anyway, I'm leaving work now. I really don't want to take the train home during rush hour :(.

Oops I did it again...

2009-07-16T12:18:00.003-04:00

I got myself pregnant, that is.

Or rather, Victor and his potent sperm convinced my reluctant egg to start working on baby #2.

How could this happen? Yes, I know that having unprotected sex can lead to a baby but not when you do it right after coming off your period. I just had my last period in Key West, June 12th. Working off a 28 day-cycle I am now 6 days late. Which shouldn't be worrisome except that yesterday for no apparent reason other than being fat, I was feeling preggers. So this morning I decided to pee on a stick. And what do you know, call me Fertile-Myrtle why don't you.

I can't wait to join all the Jewish ladies next summer on Ocean Parkway as I push along my double stroller.

This is NOT good news.

1. I have no job (I'm freelancing)

2. No health insurance

3. No primary Dr.

4. No OBGYN

5. A terrible two-year-old who I am doing an awful job of raising

6. No desire to start raising baby #2

It's a really strange feeling when you sit here knowing that you're pregnant. I keep on looking at my belly as if I expect it to grow before my eyes. Or as if the baby is going to start kicking. Then I think about surgery and I shudder. Morning Sickness, Fatigue, Constipation, Heartburn, swollen feet, mood swings, excessive weight gain, waddling...I don't want to go through that again...waa waa waa.

I just want a social life. I want to be able to go to the movies to see a premiere or stay out late and drink with friends.

Motherhood is no parade, I'll tell you that.

Morning Rush

2009-07-08T11:10:00.003-04:00

I'm in one of my crabby moods and I haven't been keeping track of my cycles so I don't even know if it's the beginning of PMS or if it's just my undiagnosed bi-weekly pissy syndrome kicking into gear.

There's always such a morning rush to get out of the house and get Aixah to the sitter's and then get myself into the office. Of course, any 6AMer, or anyone with a 9 to 5 job would be appalled at my morning habits.

My alarm clock goes off at 7:30...every morning...I proceed to hit the snooze button until 8:30, some times 8:45. I get up, tip toe out the room so as not to wake up Miss Foo Foo and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. This may depend, some times I brush my teeth in the shower to save some time. In between brushing my teeth and showering I turn on the computer. I go back to the bathroom and do my make-up. I can get dressed in 10 minutes but my make-up takes at least 15 minutes, usually more like 20, although Victor will say that it takes me 45 minutes, he lies.

Just when I'm almost done getting ready I start to wake up Victor, *disclaimer, some times he's already up. Usually Aixah gets up before Victor does which is a huge pain because she starts demanding stuff right away. She wants her diaper changed asap. She wants milk. She wants to be let out of the crib. She wants to watch cartoons. It's just a bit exhausting.

Once Victor wakes up he takes ownership of the bathroom. It is totally OK for him to be in the bathroom when I am showering or using the potty but it is NOT OK for me to be in the bathroom when he is getting ready in the mornings. Which is why if we ever leave our apt. we would need two bathrooms for sure (and a walk-in closet ;).

Anyway, today I took car service to the sitter's because I just couldn't wait around for Victor to come out of his 20 min shower when it was already 9 o'clock and when I should be at work by 10. So off I go with Aixah kicking and screaming, literally.

Aixah looked absolutely ridiculous. First off, she was wearing rain boots. This was my fault. It looked grey and dismal in our apt. so I assumed that it was raining. However, when we stepped outside their was not a gray cloud in the sky. She also had her Dora umbrella. She had Gap jeans, low-risers that revealed her Huggies diapers and a Victor-made belt from one of his old ties. Poor thing.

So the car service was already outside and I'm rushing to put everything into the van and Aixah is completely strolling and taking her sweet time and then to make me look like a bad mother because I'm rushing her she falls off the first step of the lobby right in front of all the old ladies that absolutely adore her. So I walk over to her rather quickly in an attempt to console her. This is all for show because I know she's completely OK. (I'm not one to suffocate their kid and to rush over to them every time they nick themselves. Sorry.) Then I shove her into the van and we are finally on our way.

Once we get to the sitter's she doesn't want to walk into the building. Give me a break. We do this every day for the past two-years. Just walk through the door so that I can get my butt to work. So again I shove her through the sitter's apt. and run back to the van (I take it over to the train station) and when I look Aixah is giving me such a sad face that it absolutely breaks my heart. I'm only leaving her for a few hours but by the look on her face you would think that I had abandoned her on the door step.

The look was something like this:

My Friday Off

2009-07-03T23:49:00.002-04:00

I'm a dork.
I put the movie Finding Nemo for Aixah today and sadly, I was more excited to watch it than she was. I put her to bed at 10:30--late, I know, and continued to watch the movie. I cried in like three different parts...when the father finds Nemo and thinks that he's dead, when Dori tells Nemo's dad that she has found her home with him, when we think that Nemo is dead, again, and (wait, that's four times) in the very last scene when Nemo rushes back to give his Dad a hug and say, I love you. Lol, who knew that movie nights could be so much fun *glances over at Victor who is asleep on the couch.

I just finished taking a shower and washing my hair and am all freshened up. I was all excited too because we have new shaving cream, new razor blades, anti-frizz spray that I'm dying to try out and electric toothbrushes--tell me that you don't get excited when you have new toys to try out!

Besides new toiletries I also went shopping today for our three-day convention next weekend (we're going away to PA). I'm happy with everything I bought. I got new shoes too. Another black pair. (To Victor)Before you go yelling at me...the reason that I bought another pair of black shoes is because these are actually comfortable and they have the perfect insole for people with sweaty feet like me; gross, I know. Besides that Nine West had excellent sales AND I still have 14 days to get another pair of shoes at 50% off. How's that for a bargain?

You can always tell when I go shopping because I get that happy buzz. Victor was like, 'OK, how much did you spend?' Hahaha....And I still need to buy a few more things.

Aha! Aixah the Trickster

2009-07-02T20:28:00.003-04:00

As for her dinner, the one that was flying in the air just ten minutes ago...she brings me over her empty bowl and says, "Se acabo." Translation: "It finished." Full sentence translation: "Look, mom, I ate all my food. All done."

I know she didn't eat the chicken. So I look for it on the couch and on the floor. Nothing there. Do you know where this little bugger stashed her food? Inside the empty goldfish cracker bag. Lol. What a trip and a half.

I'll stop eating the day I die

2009-07-02T19:52:00.006-04:00

I am a pig.

I just ate an entire bag of flavor blasted, extreme cheddar, goldfish crackers. Granted, Aixah had a handful of fishes. But I had the whole bag. Not to mention that I have buffalo wings in the oven. Oh why oh why wasn't I granted the anorexic gene. Not to make fun of people who suffer from that, but still. I have no problem not fitting into my clothing. I'm knocking things over with my hips. Today I almost knocked over Bossman's bookcase with a buttcheek. I couldn't even look at him after that because after all the fat jokes I knew, I just knew what he was thinking.

Things at work have picked up, alot. I've actually taken the lead as Project Manager and think that I'm doing a pretty decent job of distributing work and answering questions. It's a Texas Math project, 5 Grades, Student Edition and Teacher's Edition. Right now I've had 8 people asking me a gazillion question every two minutes. You can only imagine how annoying this is as it has cut into my blogging, fan-fiction writing, facebook and She Knows time. Still, it looks like I may have steady work for at least 3 weeks, possibly more. This might mean another camera lens. Victor even told me to check out the prices on telephoto lenses. Speaking of which, I don't think I've mentioned today how much I love my new camera. I can't take a bad photo, lol. Well, technically I can, but I try real hard not to.

Look at these most recents that I took with the 50mm:

Cute Kids, right? Of course I had to throw in a goofy one of my daughter.

OK, off to perform my mommy duties. Aixah is throwing her food in the air, *sigh.

Oh for crying out loud!

2009-07-01T11:24:00.005-04:00

Things have been getting a little ridiculous at work. And it all has to do with money.

There's this thing with the AC, for instance. We have one of those basic AC units like the one you might have in your living room. Except that we use ours to cool up the office. It isn't enough though. You still feel hot and muggy. Besides that, bosslady gets chilly every two hours and shuts off the AC for half an hour. I know she's not cold. It's impossible. So I am assuming that she just wants to save on the electric bill.

Within that half hour the office starts to feel like a furnace. She also wants the door closed at all times, so you can forget about air circulation.

I don't know if people are afraid of being fired or what or maybe I'm pre-menopausal, but no one will say anything about the AC. I'm the only one that complains about how hot it gets. Yesterday I was sweating so much that my hands were getting stuck on our magazine pages. My feet were sweating so badly that I could barely walk in my flip flops. Finally having had enough I asked if I could turn on the AC. Do you know what the temperature was like in the office??? 84 degrees! For Pete's sake, I'll pay your ConEd bill; just leave the AC alone. I even offered to give Bosslady my sweater, seriously.

Besides that there's the supplies issue. Did you know that they didn't want to buy labels so we had to type up labels on Word and print out the sheet and cut and paste them to every page, of every textbook, for 5 Grades? And then we didn't have enough scissors, so we had to share three scissors between the 7 of us...oh jeez.

Days like these I miss the Astoria office. I miss my desk in front of the window, I miss the cold summers inside the office, and I miss our unlimited supplies, as well as my order-whatever-you-need pass from Staples. (I use to order all those expensive pens...*sigh). And even though it has nothing to do with this post, I miss my Cuban coffee =).

Funny Story (Potty Training Chronicles)

2009-06-17T12:36:00.003-04:00

So my daughter has been away from home for 4 days and yesterday, after work, I bring her home and she is just in toy heaven, pulling out everything and playing with it. (She missed home). One of her favorite activities is placing a doll in the umbrella stroller and then tipping the stroller so that the doll falls to the floor. She then picks up the doll and while rubbing the doll's head says in the most comforting voice, "Awe, you're fine!" It's really sweet.

Then she decides that she wants to play with the potty. So she tells me that she has to pee and I pull down her diaper and pants and around she walks, butt-naked for about an hour. Suddenly, in the most urgent voice, she says, "Oh pee pee," and she runs to the potty and picks up her shirt so that she doesn't sit on it (bright kid, I know). And so, I wait expectantly, holding my breath, not making a sound and thinking, this is it, this is really going to happen, my baby is going to go potty and I didn't even have to train her...And then, her face all contorted like she's pushing something big out, she lets out this long (and kind of loud) fart. She smiles, jumps up and says, "I did it!"

Looks like Aixah thinks she needs to use the potty any time she has to pass gas. Oh, if only everyone had manners like my daughter.

Oh the drama!

2009-06-16T14:38:00.005-04:00

We're home! Back from our mini-vacation and completely spontaneous trip to Key West. It has been years since Victor and I take a vacation together. The last one was three years ago for a friends wedding in CA.

Key West is beautiful and I have 900 photographs to prove it.

Unfortunately, as is the case with us, there was tons of drama.

Drama #1: I'm thinking, hotel room=great sex. For whatever reason, sex is always better in a hotel. The thing was that I wasn't expecting to get my period on the very same day of our vacation. And since I wasn't expecting it I wasn't carrying any maxi pads. So along we go, driving in our very expensive Jeep Wrangler rental along a beautiful coast far away from home and I'm jumping in and out of the car to snap pics and Aixah is quietly sitting in the back being all nice and all is good in the world. And then...hmm...something's quite not right. So I kind of check myself out and yup, there it is. And there we are, parked in a small island, in the middle of a larger chain of islands and about 2 hours away from our hotel with nothing but a piece of Bounty pried in between my legs. This is just wonderful.

Shortly after...

Drama #2: Victor loses his cell phone. We go and make a U-turn back to all the places we pulled over to take pics. I have it in my mind that the phone is some where in the car. But that Jeep is just so huge that we don't actually find the phone until 45 minutes later. Victor looks all over all the rest stops and in the trash and in the sand. He has it in his head that some one stole his phone...cuz there are just TONS of people out there *rollseyes* Not to be left behind Aixah starts screaming. We've been driving for three hours and she wants out. I change her pamper and watch as Victor starts to breakdown. Apparently losing that phone is a huge deal because that's also our GPS and that is also how Victor is conducting his business while away from NY. While Aixah screams I change her diaper and two minutes later she poops so I have to change that too and mind you, this Bounty can't hold on for much longer. Back in the car I go and I do a prayer, don't laugh, I prayed and I said something like, ...please let us find this phone. We just want to enjoy ourselves for a few days...etc. etc. Not even five minutes later I glance in between the seats, I had done this already several times and it hadn't bee

n there, but maybe with all the movement it has shifted forward. And there it is, Victor's beautiful Blackberry. I think I'm gonna score Brownie points b

ecause I found his phone but apparently Victor hasn't forgotten that I just got my period and ruined any chances of having great sex. So off we drive in brooding silence, except for Aixah who likes to brood very loudly.

That was Day 1. Not to mention that as soon as we reached our hotel we were greeted by a torrential downpour. Not that that stopped Victor from getting into the pool. (Oh and Aixah flipped over my camera bag while it was still open and spilled all of its contents, including a VERY expensive new lens onto the floor. Thankfully it didn't break or I would've gone ballistic).

Day 2 was pleasant for the most part. Except for when Aixah decided to get into my camera bag and eat TUMS and possible Advil gel-tabs that I had packed for the trip. I was showering and Victor was watching her but apparently it was my fault for carrying the pills along. So we argued and threw wet underwear at each other and that was followed by the silent treatment. That night I dreamt that Aixah died.

Day 3 (possibly Day 2) something bit me on my eyelid and I had my eye swollen for most of the trip. The pain is finally gone now but I still have the swelling. The swelling made for horrible pics of me.

Finally, our last day. I really hate going back home after vacation. NY is so dismal and colorless. Our flight was delayed and we ended up landing at Laguardia at 1AMish, then we waited on line for a cab for 20 minutes, then there was traffic on the way home. We pull up to our apartment at 2AM. Aixah is up and she's exhausted and she can't wait to get into the apartment, except that...wait...where are Victor's keys? They are not in the diaper bag. They are not in my purse or the carry on suitcase. Completely homeless we stand in our lobby, looking pathetic and cold and carrying out of place tans. We stand there for an hour. Finally a girl lets us into the lobby and Victor is able to, get this, 'break into' our apartment. Why does that not lie well with me?

If your life could be a movie, what would it be?

How about, National Lampoon's Vacation...

Overall though, drama aside, I loved it. I can't wait to go away with my family of nutcases again. And yes, even with Aixah. It wouldn't have been the same without her.

And, of course I have some pics. I'll post more tonight.

The Good, the bad and the ugly

2009-06-08T22:03:00.005-04:00

There is tons of updating to be done but I'm not sure which to keep private and which should go public. I have a big mouth, or rather I have happy typing fingers, so I need to be careful with how much I spill. (Anyway, you wouldn't believe me if I told you, seriously--and No, I'm not pregnant).

So in the moments of my absence I have started working again, become the proud owner of a Canon Rebel XSI--this thing is a machine gun, had my first unpaid photo shoot, written fiction and posted it online for all to read, become reacquainted with old friends, learned to ride a bike, convinced myself that I am the worst mother ever and drawn closer to God.

And that is me in a nutshell.

I am happy and I'm also proud of myself (if one can say that about themselves) because I can bounce back from an awful situation and just 'deal' with it. Of course, the 'awful' situation referenced to wasn't fatal but still, I carried myself well. *pats back*

Parenting, on the other hand, is getting harder. I'm becoming the mother that I said I would never become. The mother that just lets their child throw tantrums or that just gives their child what they want so that they won't make a scene. I find myself losing it a lot of times and unable to deal. I think I'm the only mother out there that isn't suffering from some baby fever. I can't see myself having another one. And when I hear of some one getting pregnant I'm just like, why? Is everyone out there enjoying motherhood? Is there a quota that you're out to fulfill? I'm not getting it *scratches head*. Will some one please pass me some baby fever dust?

So, in an attempt to enjoy the warmer weather and spend some quality time together as a family, quality time that doesn't involve Aixah hogging the big sofa and watching Hi-5 while I type away some imaginary story involving superheroes (yes, you heard right, superheroes) we go to Toys'R'Us and buy a bike with a baby seat strapped to the back. Well, Victor buys the bike and I get stuck with the old bike that's been sitting in out apartment, abandoned, for the past two years. It's all good though because I have the new camera *grins*

This was this past Saturday. Mind you it was the first time in about 5 days that the sun shone. We finally decided to leave the house at about seven in the evening. Aixah refused to eat her dinner and we just headed out. We wanted to do a bike trail along the Verrazano Bridge Park while the sunset. By the time Victor had finished mounting the baby seat the sun had set a thousand times. It was dark and Aixah was crabby with a capital 'C'.

This picture right here summerizes our "pleasent" family outing.

Our "trail ride" was like three feet long, honestly. Aixah was wailing the whole time. We were a sad bunch. Victor had to walk his bike and Aixah back to the car. We ended the night in Applebee's. Nothing that a few beers and a few buffalo wings can't fix, right?

And just so that I don't end things on a sad note...the next day we went to the park on our bikes and Aixah loved it. I almost got hit by a car, but that's another story.

Aixah the terrible two-year-old

2009-05-08T22:00:00.003-04:00

The strangest thing just happened today. I realized how big Aixah is. I mean, people say she's big all the time. And I know she's long but today she actually felt heavy, like fat-heavy. And she looks chunky. When in the world did that start to happen? It's a bit disconcerting, especialloy since she'll be two in a few days. She looks bigger than two and I think people expect more than her because she looks older than what she is. But just for the record Aixah is not/does not:

-potty trained-although she did do pee pee around it once.

-speak in full sentences (unless you count sentences like, 'Papi, sit down' or 'That's mine' as full sentences.

-know how to dress herself-she tries and can manage with socks and shoes but the whole shirt thingy is boggling to her.

-know her abc's (sorry, I know other two-year-olds can but not my two-year-old) She does count from 1 to 10 in Spanish, kind of.

-sleep in a toddler bed (still in her crib and I am fine with that).

Some lady decided to fight with my toddler in Babies r'us today, all because Aixah bopped her in the head with a gift wrapping roll. She went all Bed Stuy on us, "Excuse me," and "You child just hit me in the head, say something to her.' I usually stay quiet in these situations but I just couldn't. I told her, "Relax, we didn't see what was going on." She went on a rant about everyone having kids and knowing how to train them. She actually mumbled that under her breath as she walked away. I don't know what my exact words were but I know that the words, 'stupid,' and 'give me a break,' were there some where. I also said, "Obviously not all of us have kids," my translation of that is, "you'd make a horrible mom." I did get in the last word so that made me feel semi-triumphant. Some people are so rude. Seriously, if you hate other peoples kids so much than you should stay away from stores like babies r us.

Three weeks and counting

2009-05-07T00:07:00.003-04:00

This is my third week that I've been home, out of work. I haven't started looking for work yet I have my hopes set on that project due to begin at the office at around the end of May and that should last through the summer. My cubicle is still intact. My cell phone charger is there, Aixah's photos are hanging on the wall. I haven't moved out yet.

Next week I need to be more proactive. I should see about applying for Family Health Plus or other insurance. I should also see about exercising, going out for walks with Aixah, getting away from the computer. Anything that involves some type of activity.

I received my debit card from the unemployment office and I still have my last check from the office which is in the mail and due to arrive soon. I still have funds, I tell myself. I am still worthy of going out for pedicures and buying make-up at Sephora and going out for expensive dinners and wine. My husband reminds me otherwise, always the wiser and more reasonable of the two. I think Aixah gets the tantrums from her momma. I kick and scream when I can't get something that I want. And right now I want the Canon Rebel. There is nothing that I want more than that digital SLR. I have big dreams with it. Going back to school, building up my portfolio and eventually doing paid sessions. It's silly things that you start to think when you are out of work and suddenly realize that your previous employment that lasted almost three-years left you lacking. That my title of an Editor is really undeserving. I want to avoid interviews like the plague. I want to get hired by my witty e-mail skills. Something big is going to come of this, people tell me. And so I sit here and wait.

And wait...

The Wolverine

2009-05-03T22:43:00.003-04:00

I must say, I've had a fantastic weekend! Yesterday I hung out with one of my closest friends and her husband. We went to an Irish pub by her job over on Trinity Place and I had a sour Whiskey, which I loved and French Onion Soup and spicy buffalo wings (my favorite combination) and I finished it off with an Irish Coffee. The BEST Irish Coffee that I've had, even though it's only my third Irish Coffee, lol.

We had bought tickets in advance to go see WOLVERINE so we headed there for an early movie because my mom was watching Aixah and she always gives me an early, don't get-here-later-than-eleven-thirty curfew.

The movie was pretty good. It had its gaps and it wasn't as memorable as other films, say, Ironman, but it worked and Hugh Jackman worked it for sure. So of course we were all hyped after the film and started discussing super powers and what power we would like to have. I'm not very creative, all I could come up with was that I wanted to be able to fly and be Wolverine's love interest. But Supa Bon Bon, who is more creative than she likes to give credit for said that she wanted to be the love child of Storm and Wolverine, she could fly, heal, etc. And I'm there thinking, write a story about that, that is a fantastic plot line. I'm in this total fanfic zone. I haven't written any fanfic, haven't written fanfic since I was like 15 and now that I think about it my fanfic was usually based on Terminator and X-Men. I also left a FB status that said, "Going to see Wolverine," and my best friend from JHS replied, "Didn't you have a massive crush on him in JH?"

Anyway, I digress...so after the movie we go to another pub for more drinks. On our way out, Miss Chatterbox, which would be me, almost steps on two 4-inch long roaches dancing around on the pavement. There's this moment when all three of us kind of huddle together and just scream, not loudly and not for very long, but a scream/shriek nonetheless.

Sunny Skies

2009-04-30T22:10:00.014-04:00

The weather was absolutely gorgeous this past weekend. The temperatures were in the 90s both Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday we had our Special Day Convention and Aixah behaved fairly well. We went out to eat afterwards with a group of friends to an Argentine Steakhouse in Lower Manhattan. The food was delish. I had Filet Minon, medium and it was so tender, you didn't even have to chew it. The bill was outrageous, Victor and I paid $300, eek! Needless to say we won't be taking that luxury very often.

Sunday I went to the Botanical Gardens with my parents and Aixah. It was beautiful. Here are some of my fave pics.

And so the unemployed nightmares begin

2009-04-26T11:43:00.002-04:00

I dreamt last night that I went to the office to pick up some of my things. Victor was with me and walked into the office, which he's never done before, and only did this time because I had sworn up and down that it would only be Lauren. Boy was I surprised. The office was boasting people of all genders and nationalities. I don't know who any of these people were, or where exactly my subconscious picked them up from, except for one, who was a palestinian boy from elementary school that had a disability. And he was the one sitting at by desk.

Then bosslady appears in my dream, just as I'm shuffling aimlessly about and stalling, and she says, "We don't have any work yet." I'm giving her a, 'you've got to be kidding me look,' since there are about 20 people that are typing away furiously on their computers and one that is banging away on my yes, my computer.

You know that feeling you get in your dreams when you're right about to cry? It's very similar to real life. So I get that feeling and all I want to do is get out of there before Bosslady sees me in tears. Apparently, I'm even prideful in my dreams.

Losing it

2009-04-21T17:01:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I could've been on Oprah and talked about how wonderful motherhood is. I could've been awarded mother of the year. It was a wonderful day being with my sweet two-year-old and attempting to potty train. I didn't mind that I had to strip Aixah of her pants and pampers several times that day and place her on the potty even though I knew that she was psyching me out each time. I almost didn't care that she pooped and then reached to grab it and show it to me as if to confirm, yup, poop. It didn't matter because I was loving being a SAHM. Work? Who needs work? Not when you have such great, fulfilling companionship.

And then today comes. And I'm just ready to combust. I don't want to potty train, I don't want to color with her, and I don't want to try to force her to eat. If all she wants to eat is half a bagel for the whole day then so be it. If she wants to eat her crayons then so be it. I don't want to hear her call my name over and over again. The whining bothers me. I always answer the same way, "Yes, my love." I say it in Spanish, "Si mi amor," except that amor sounds like, amolllll. The longer I extend the l the more irritated I am.

Aixah's a real genius though. She has this great line that she executes in the precise moment of my near combustion. She says, "Mami, I ouv you," cocking her head to the side and smiling that big, toothy grin. She could seriously win an academy award for that delivery. Or if she sees my face really serious she's say, "Mami, niiiice," and caresses my arm, if that doesn't work she'll kiss me. Real genius that kid is.

I don't know what has happened to me since yesterday, cabin fever, maybe? Yesterday I was so in love with my child and today I'm ready to give her away. I'm sure I'd miss her after a few days and probably ask to have her back, but only after a few days.

So I do what any other desperate mother would do. I head to Grandma's. I'm walking at maximum velocity. I'm chasing away people loitering on the wheelchair ramp. I was so desperate to get her out of the house that I just dressed her in a spaghetti strap dress and capris and a light jacket even though it was cloudy and in the mid-50s. Oops. I was just waiting, just waiting for some nosy stranger to say, "Isn't she cold?" Fortunately no one dared to approach me, cuz I was just ready to bite some one's head off. I turn the corner into my mother's street and Aixah shouts, "Abu," raising both hands in the air as if she were praising Jah. I understand the joy. I feel like juimping up and down myself. I'm tempted to just knock on my mother's door and just leave my child as an offering. But I don't, of course. You can think these thoughts and blog about them but if you actually do it, then that's when you've really lost it.

Potty Training

2009-04-20T17:30:00.004-04:00

Day 1:

First Aixah liked the potty. She liked to take it apart and then try to put it back together and then scream when she couldn't get it right. She also got a kick out of opening the top and slamming it shut a numerous amount of times...open, shut, open, shut. She tried stepping on it, coloring on it and throwing garbage in it.

OK, so now that we had established that Aixah was not afraid of the potty it was time to get serious. So I ask her, "pee pee?" And she nods and says, "pee, pee."

So I take off her pants, take off her pampers and sit her down. And this is when Aixah freaks out and clings to me as if I were about to throw her out a window. Uh Oh, not good. I don't pressure her. I put her pamper back on and she puts her pants on, the fastest ever.

She naps, I nap and then, sucess! She's not afraid of the potty. She hasn't peed in it either but at least now she sits on it butt naked. Either we are progressing or she just likes to be butt naked.

She likes to sit on it and color. Every time I glance over to her she gives me a nod of encouragement and says, "pee, pee."

Not bad for Day 1, right? At least she hasn't peed on the floor.

Random thoughts for the night

2009-03-28T23:19:00.002-04:00

First off, I have this thought of giving my daughter a middle name. I came across an old notebook way back when I was pregnant (so far back that I didn't even know the sex yet) and I had middle names, lot's. One of them being Sophia. Aixah Sophia. How does that sound? Doesn't it sound pretty? I bet the courts charge you a pretty penny to change a name.

Another thought (an expensive thought at that), I want to buy myself a digital SLR (Single Lens Reflex) camera. Something cool like the Canon Rebel. Here's the thing. A friend of mine asked me to take photos of a group of kids graduating High School. She thinks that since I minored in photography in College I'm some sort of professional (and I don't want to disappoint her ;) I don't want to take photos with my point and shoot. That is so limiting. I would be getting the camera for a good cause. Anyway, the graduation party isn't until June so I figure that the pics may not be 'till May (once the weather is warmer; since we would be doing them at Brighton Beach) and I have plenty of time to save for a camera. We'll see what happens then (here's hoping that I still have a job/income/paycheck/mula by then).

Anyway, that's all there is to tell. I'm having whiskey and coke and just enjoy my company...WOOT!

Luis Fonsi and other matters

2009-03-25T12:10:00.003-04:00

Last night I had a dream that Luis Fonsi declared his love for me in concert. It was all very storybook romance. But that's totally me, you know! The dream continued in some mansion that was a museum with the amount of security as the Empire State Building. I don't know what the point of that dream was, only that the main theme was that I had left my phone there and had to rush through all the rooms looking for it. Is it possible that I'm still obsessing over that stupid phone? And why should I even care, Luis Fonsi had just kissed me in the previous segment of my dream, HELLO!

The funny part was that I had not only left my phone in this mansion/museum/empire state building but I had also left my MK's bag, my baby stroller and my CHILD!!! Um, why was I more concerned over a blackberry than my daughter! I have some twisted mind. Maybe I was just very confused over being in love with a very hot looking, puerto rican singer that is married to Victor's second or third cousin, lol.

This morning I woke up exhausted. I have been working tons (by tons I mean a lot more than I normally work). I told myself I wouldn't work any extra hours but then the jefa comes over and asks me if I could just send a couple of files out after I get home and I am such a sucker, I say 'yes,' 'of course I can,' 'I'd be more than honored to.' So I work an 8 hour shift, get home and cook a horrible meal (that really bummed me out, I was so hungry) and while I'm eating I'm also on the computer trying to communicate with one of our translators but her e-mails are all coming back to me cryptic, meaning like this: $^%#%#^% ^W&%#

Everything is symbols, I can't tell what she is trying to tell me. We eventually figure it out and all is well but by this point I just want to sleep for two days straight.

I'm back in the office this morning and not busy at all, since I did most of the work late last night, but then the jefa catches me looking at swimsuits, eek! That's no good. Anyway, these swimsuits are so pretty. They got me all excited about the summer. I think I'll get myself a turquoise tankini and a black ruffled skirt. "She wore an itsy, bitsey, tinny, weeny, yellow polka dot bikini..." I guess I better start eating my yoplait :).

Stay away from Facebook quizzes

2009-03-22T23:59:00.004-04:00

So I took a quiz on FB, "Are you clinically insane," and this was the result:

Your Result: Bipolar
Ever wondered why you're so moody? You experience days or weeks of paralyzing, cheeto-binging depression, then a week of frenzied, hyperactive, ridiculously irresponsible behavior characterized by wild thoughts, sleepless nights, maxing out credit cards, having unprotected sex with dozens of strangers... or shaving your head and attacking the paparazzi with an umbrella. Some might call that chemically imbalanced... others call it "passionate" or blame it on the "artistic temperament". Whatever you call it, you could do with some balance... and Abilify.

hahahaha....well ain't that great! Now I may be bipolar...geez, something else to keep me up at night.

Memo to self, no more taking FB quizzes after midnight.

How is some one even diagnosed as Bipolar? How do they know that they don't just suffer from insomnia and a very BIG imagination. Or that stupid people should be attacked by an umbrella?

I'm too happy to be bipolar. And I think most of us can do with more balance in their life.

Spoiled by hubby

2009-03-21T20:18:00.004-04:00

Today was proving to be an icky, monotonous, Saturday. I was working from home and complaining about it. Aixah was whining and Victor and I were bickering. The mood automatically changed when Victor said that I should get my hair done. It's not something that I get done often and my hair is not something that I concern myself with because it is so manageable. But still, getting my hair styled is a definitely a boost for my self-esteem.

So I got my hair blow dried and the stylist even threw in a scalp massage which was amazing. Amazing in a uncomfortable way because it felt kind of intimate to me, anyway, I'm weird.

Then Victor meets me at Annie Says. He knows more about fashion than I do, honestly. Next time I decide to go to a sample sale I'll take him with me ;). He found a cute gray (or is it grey?) dress that suited my figure (or un-figure, for that matter).
Well then he encouraged me to find shoes. What?! My husband was encouraging me to shop!!! This doesn't happen often. SHOPPING SPREE bells go off in my head. My adrenaline is to the max.

I got these Bandolino pumps and a pair of purple Bandolino loafers, which look really cute with jeans.

And then...get this...he buys me a Michael Kors handbag. NO WAY! I have to throw the receipt away before he convinces me to return it. But I have it, in my possession. So this makes up for that sucky Thursday evening and that's exactly what he was trying to do, awe. He felt bad about the whole Thursday situation and my girlfriends brushing me off so he decided to primp me up and give me a makeover, so to speak.

I have a good husband :D

Why Sample Sales are not for me

2009-03-20T00:46:00.002-04:00

The people that go to these functions are snooty. Not to say that I'm the humblest being ever, cuz I'm not, but I'm by no means snooty. Sure, I like expensive things but my conscience will not allow me to buy a blouse that is $300 bucks, on sale. The people here know designers by name, A to Z and while I applaud that (OK, not really, that don't impress me much), I much prefer to hold a conversation with some one that is not trying to decipher what designer shirt I'm wearing while we conversate (because it is most likely NOT designer).

Anyway, this place was a trip and a half. A line to get in the elevator, a line to check in your coat and designer handbag and another line to pick up your coat and designer handbag. No lines to pay though because the prices were so outrageous and the clothing, quite honestly, hideous. And no accessories what so ever. I hate it when you go some place with the idea of shopping and come out empty handed. Michael Kors, you disappointed me.

But, anyway, all shopping blues aside, I thought today would've been fun 'girl time' because my mom was watching Aixah and I had the evening to spend with my girlfriends. Lets just say, without going into too much detail, that the company wasn't thrilling. I wasn't feeling the love, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the evening ended with me having sushi at a restaurant I wanted to try out by my parents house, all by my lonesome self. And because good food makes me happy it ended up being a good night.

2009-03-10T16:03:00.002-04:00

I feel really bad. Really, really bad. Ugh ugh ugh

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I felt so bloated. I mean like the worse bloating I've ever felt. Like a 6-month pregnant belly and with the sensation that I might just POP at any given moment.

I just finished having Spinach Bisque, which I considered, to my delight, to be nutritious but I feel just as bad as last night. No, wait, I feel worse. I'm sitting here with this huge gut, thinking, I know I'm overweight, I know I have stomach fat, but this, this 'condition' is not normal.

Nor is the fact that I've been taking TUMS, every day for the past two to three weeks, anything normal. Something is wrong with me. My diet, for one thing. But what is it? Am I lactose intolerant? I can not be lactose intolerant, milk is such a blessing to me. I take vitamins and I drink plenty of water. I drink alcohol in moderation and I don't smoke. I should be living 'till 100. Not sitting here with a Buddha gut contemplating intrusive exams involving cameras probing through my digestive tract. My mother and father get colonoscopy's, I DO NOT get colonoscopy's.

Pigeon poop

2009-03-10T11:00:00.002-04:00

A pigeon pooped on me this morning.

It was gross.

I'm a block away from work with a latte in one hand and my Fossil handbag hanging off of my shoulder. I walk with this ridiculous bounce which is why I usually spill coffee over my hand at least twice before I make it to the office, but I was doing really good today. I hadn't tripped, I hadn't lost my cell phone, my latte was intact and then BAM...green pigeon poop all over my arm and shoulder. It nearly knocked me over. What the heck had this pigeon been eating?

I don't even lose a beat. My face is wrinkled in disgust but I just keep on walking hoping that I can make it inside the building before anyone sees that I have been anointed with green pigeon poop. Discreetly, I reach in my pocket for a tissue (thank God for my collection of napkins that I always carry in my pockets), and I start wiping. And now I have green pigeon poop encrusted in my nail. How gross is that? I hold my finger erect like it may just fall off at any moment. Nails are gross. They catch everything. I really must cut them.

Now I'm in the building waiting for the elevators and of course, our usually empty lobby is full of people. What's with the parade? A perky blonde decides to strike up a conversation, but I don't want to talk. I have green pigeon poop on my arm and shoulder AND encrusted in my nail and the last thing I want is to make friends with anyone when I feel so dirty--curse that wretched pigeon and his bowel movement. He had the whole sidewalk to himself, why target my neurotic self?

My weekend (TMI; gross)

2009-03-08T23:22:00.003-04:00

It consisted of lots of vomit, diarrhea and dirty laundry.

I'm not sure what happened, but Friday I ate something that didn't sit so well in my tummy. I also had a beer, just ONE beer for lunch and that just upset my stomach even more. So at around 4PM I am sitting in the office feeling very nauseous and by now I have made 5 very obvious trips to the bathroom. I just want to be home, sitting in my own toilet, you know. And all I can think about is the fact that I have to ride the train back home for what will be an hour commute. But I manage the trip without any accidents, thankfully.

When I get home I throw up. I'm throwing up the Winter Ale and all I am thinking is that I am never having beer for lunch again, ever.

That night I feel better. My stomach a little unsettled but better nonetheless. Saturday I wake up so hungry that I go have lunch at a diner by myself and order a little bit of everything that's on the menu. I keep everything down. But then Saturday night Aixah is sick. She throws up at 3Am and then again at 4AM. We're changing crib sheets and Victor is bathing her and of course you are too tired to go back to bed after that.

She doesn't throw up again, but she is not feeling well all day today. You can tell that she's trying to be her charming self, but obviously her tummy hurts and she is weak from last nights vomiting session.

Anyhoo, about 30 minutes ago she did the biggest diarrhea poop. This was HUGE. I didn't even know where to begin. It was up to her neck. By the time we got her PJ up and over her head she had poop all over her hair and arm. Off to the tub with this stink bomb.

She's in the crib now, clean bed sheets, clean diaper, clean PJs...I hope we don't have any incidents tonight and that she is all better tomorrow.

Look at how happy she looks after that massive poop.

2009-03-04T16:01:00.002-05:00

I am so much more efficient when I am in the office. Even with all the FB status updates and the browsing of the web and the long lunches, I still get plenty done. I'm almost done with my translations and the only reason that I am not done yet is because I'm stalling. Obviously I want to be called in on Friday so that I can get paid for those hours.

We had lunch at RICE today. I had chicken satay and probably won't have it ever again. I wasn't crazy about their peanut sauce. But I went with my two co-workers and we had a good time. It almost feels like the old days back in Astoria. It feels so good to get along with the people I work with.

One of the freelancers sat on my desk on Friday and left trash in my garbage. And then Tuesday, when I came back into the office, I couldn't find my Retro 51 pen. I love writing with that thing. I'm debating whether or not to ask the person if they've seen my pen. Maybe they absentmindedly placed it in their pocket. Or maybe it's gone forever.

Snow Day

2009-03-02T17:07:00.003-05:00

Today was a snow day. We actually had quite a few inches of snow, what we call a blizzard. My jefa told me to work from home.

I am the worst candidate to work from home. Right now (at eight minutes past five, when I should be wrapping it up) I have just finished 1 out of the 12 translations that I should've had completed for the day. I think I forgot my Spanish. And I really want nothing more than to take a nap on the couch.

And I did take a nap. A 3-hour nap. I've now completed 2 translations and it is 8:30 and Aixah is up from her nap. I think I'll work on two more translations and call it a night. I am just not in the mood for this.

This weekend was fun though. On Saturday Vic and I went to a steakhouse in Jersey with friends and Aixah. Aixah made such a mess. We always need to leave this huge tip because of her--messy, expensive kid.

On Sunday after KH my mom finally agreed to watch Aixah and so Victor and I had a date night. We had thai at this place called Joya on Court Street. I had chicken spring rolls and pad se hue, mmm and two iced coffee's. The strangest thing is that we bumped into so many old faces. First was my ex-boyfriend and his wife who were double dating with a former, unofficial best friend and her husband, so yeah, that wasn't awkward at all, .lol. Then as we're leaving we see a really good friend of ours who I have not seen since I went to her wedding in CA almost 3 years ago, crazy no? What a small world.

We ended the night by walking over to the bookstore and then going into Union Square to catch a movie.

Rambling in all kind of tangents...

2009-02-28T13:00:00.002-05:00

I believe I'm starting to fall off of that high I've been riding for the past few days. It always happens this way. I'll be full of energy and all this love and then the next few days I'm in this huge funk and everything offends me and I can do nothing right, and oh yes, I hate skinny people. But right now I'm in between moods. I'm not skippidy doing but I'm also not ready to smack any one, just yet. I wish I could just be stable. Funny thing is that a lot of my friends think I'm this happy go lucky person, Mrs. Brightside, which I can be, but I don't think it necessarily describes me as a person. I'm pretty grumpy most of the time.

My co-worker texted me yesterday from work (I was home). She writes, "I'm having a winter ale at Cafe Bar. Thinking of you." I don't think there are many people that I know having a beer during their afternoon lunch break that are thinking of me. So this really touches me. Of course, she may just be thinking of me because she knows I like the chilled Winter Ale's from Cafe Bar, but that's OK, she is thinking of me and that's all that matters.

I'm having a swell time reading this chick lit by Sophie Kinsella, THE UNDOMESTICATED GODDESS. In fact, I can relate to Samantha who is domesticlly impaired, much like myself. It is a LOL read. And it really works out for my current mood. I need something silly. That ATONEMENT just wasn't working for me.

My God Aixah is so whiny today. I put both of her blankie's to wash and all she can do is tap me and ask for her 'mimir.' Totally my fault for washing both of them so close to her naptime. I really wish these kids came with a mute button.

2009-02-26T13:52:00.003-05:00

My body has been craving raw fish all week, it's crazy!

The things is

1. I'm allergic to avocados

and

2. I get horrible stomach cramps after I eat sushi

But whatever, it makes me happy. And the allergies aren't so bad where my throat closes up and I stop breathing it's just more uncomfortable than anything else.

But enough about food.

The office is bustling today. We have this big project that we are working on and a few of our freelancers were called in for a meeting today. One of the freelancers is a really good friend of mine and my manicure/pedicure partner back in Astoria as well as a boricua. I have missed her. She's sitting across from me now which is exciting. Some times I'm here the whole day and I don't speak a word to anyone. I think that's why I send so many e-mails to my friends.

The weather is beautiful today, 55 and sunny. When I walked outside for lunch I was listening to, "I'm Walking On Sunshine," ooh...ooh...and don't it feel good! What a fabulous day!

I don't love curry

2009-02-25T14:10:00.005-05:00

This is the second time I buy something with curry and I just have to say...I can't do it. Not only does it not have a pleasant taste but it stinks! I had to run to the bathroom after I finished eating and go wash my hands. As I'm walking out of the restroom I smell my hands and eew, they still stink. I make a u-turn and go back into the restroom and scrub, scrub, scrub. A guy totally saw me smelling my hands. I wonder what he was thinking?

Two, three washes and that curry smell just lingers. I'm back at my seat and I'm wiping the table with clorox wipes, then I wipe my hands with it. This has to work, right? Nope. Now my hands still smell like curry but now they have a slight hint of lemon.

Is this stuff toxic?

As an aside, there was one of those notes floating around on FB. This one was a BBC Booklist. It said that the average person had only read 6 out of the 100 number of books on the list. So I read through and I have only read 31 books! What is this, I say? It can't be. I consider myself a literate person. My major in College was English and at one point I had 3 lit classes in one semester. That has to count for something! Except that, obviously, I have not been reading what these BBC members consider to be worthy novellas. So I have decided to begin reading from this list. I choose ATONEMENT because the preview of the movie is very familiar to me and because I love a good romance. But it's just not working. I am at Chapter 5 and it is like homework to read this. The main character, Briony...I just can't sympathize with her. She's this 13 year-old brat that I just want to drown her in that fountain that Ian McEwan spent two and a half pages describing in rich detail. I think I should go for a lighter read. Maybe something like BRIDGET JONE'S DIARY.

I don't think I'll ever work again

2009-02-20T13:01:00.006-05:00

I don't really want to admit it but...I think I am starting to like this SAHM business. Of course, Aixah has been on her best behavior, so that helps. Yesterday we bought her a little doll with a baby bottle and Aixah just loves it. She spends a lot of time feeding the baby, it's really sweet. Right nowshe is sitting on the floor with her notebook and writing, 'mami' and 'Aixah'.She only 21 months, so she's not really writing as much as she is scribbling, but the fact that she can remain still and focused for more than 15 minutes is amazing!

Yesterday, thanks to my lovely husband, we took Aixah to the park. She had so much fun! The only thing is that you have to keep an eye on her because she likes to push the kids out of her way. One little girl tried grabbing at Aixah's zipper and Aixah flipped out, it was pretty funny.
I've also been able to spend more time with Victor. Which is always a treat, somewhat. And I also love that I can go to bed late and then sleep in in the AM.

Victor and I have been talking about joining a Gym. The gym we want to join has free babysitting as well, so we wouldn't have to worry about who would watch Aixah while we went to the Gym. As it is, right now we can't find some one to watch Aixah half the time. Like today, we were invited to a wine tasting but I won't be able to go because my mother refuses to watch Aixah. I was also invited to have coffee in the city but I'm not dragging Aixah with me to Manhattan during rush hour. Especially not on the L train.

I ain't missing it

2009-02-17T23:29:00.002-05:00

Work, that is. *sarcasm
It's only day 2 and I am already climbing the walls. I haven't left the house since Sunday and I don't think I may ever leave it. It's me and a sick, whiny baby. I'm pretty sick and whiny myself. And I miss going to work :(. How pathetic is that? Only day 2?!!! Geez, what a horrible mom. Some people would jump at the opportunity to be in my shoes.

At least I managed to wiggle out of my sweatpants today. Tomorrow I may need to attempt to put on a bra before my breasts begin to sag.

I've been checking work e-mail to see if bosslady writes to me. They said that we should be called in as freelancers for a small project starting next week. Please call me before I go insane.
Also, all the freelancers (all of us broke people) want to meet up for coffee (because that's all we can afford) in the city on Friday. I'll have to see if I'll be in the mood to leave my apartment.

At least I'm over my phone, right?

Sprint Blackberry pearl 8130 only 125 must sell clean esn - $125 (brooklyn)

2009-02-09T12:31:00.004-05:00

Last night I dreamt that my purse was stolen on the train. What is the recurring theme here? Something being stolen from me. So yes, I am still obsessing over my disappearing phone. And more so now, after I saw an ad on craigslist where some one was selling a (my) Sprint Blackberry Pearl 8130 for $125 dollars, no charger (because they lost it, yeah right!). So I write to them and then I have a friend of a friends write to them and guess what? They deleted their post.

I'd like to think that I am intimidating the thief, but in reality he is probably just laughing at me, again.

I was willing to buy the phone back from them, I don't understand why he has to hide...ugh...

Just give me my phone back before I hurt you...I have been delving into my subconscious and I think I may know what this thug looks like.

2009-02-07T18:08:00.003-05:00

I have not left my house since Thursday.

But I refused to sit around and feel sorry for myself. So I began a 24 hour project of de-cluttering the closets. And it felt good and guess what? I stopped thinking about how pitiful things have suddenly become. I think when you are able to move around your apartment without stepping on something or tripping over a toy or sitting on a sharp object you just automatically feel better and even start sleeping better.

Victor wasn't very happy about me throwing away his things, like his College textbooks and his collection of printers from 1990 and his cassette stereo player--that's why I did that when he was sleeping ;). But I think I enjoyed it. (I'm still working on getting rid of that bike that is just sitting in our hallway, I bump into that at least twice every day).

I think I should start a project where I throw out 35 things every day (I think I read that some where online). Of course, the same lady who wrote that mentioned that we should shine our sink every night before going to bed--as if!

I am convinced that Aixah is the smartest, cutest, feistiest little kid I've ever come across. As I'm writing this she is just sprawled across our couch in her monkey pajama set and writing, with a pencil, on a notepad. How old is she? I might add that she's also really fixated on the lifetime movie that I have on. I know she should be watching cartoons but I am so bored with Hi-5. And the TV is really on as background noise, I swear.

2009-02-05T17:40:00.002-05:00

I'm back.

I've given up on working for the rest of the day. I'm just too stressed out. How can anyone possibly concentrate on working? And if there is suddenly so much work why are they getting rid of us come the 15th?

And get this. They just put me in charge of a new project, today. Why? So I can manage it for 5 days? I don't get it. I hope they are planning things right and I hope they let us know what is going on. I hope this doesn't sound like I don't want the job because I do but I want to know what they plan to do with us. This is so frustrating.

2009-02-05T16:45:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to keep my cool but I am having a complete meltdown at work. MELTDOWN Central...I can not stop crying. I mean, I'm not wailing or anything but I can't stop the tears or my nose from running and I'm sure that the guy sitting in front of me can see me through these transparent partitions. I am just a pathetic mess. I was fine one hour ago. I was joking around with my friends via e-mail and I was busy actually working. And then I noticed that my cell phone was missing. Missing...stolen...it ran away...whatever, it's GONE. And I just have to throw my hands in the air in complete exasperation. And I know, I just know that some one out there is sitting around all happy and laughing at me because they have my blackberry. I canceled my service because I am not about to give anyone the satisfaction of making phone calls with my phone.

OK, this rant is over. I have to get back to work, like I could actually concentrate.

"The sun will come out tomorrow"

2009-02-03T17:08:00.002-05:00

I've started to actively search for jobs. I haven't actually sent my resume any where (that would be too realistic) but it is updated and ready to go. I have pretty much notified all of my friends that I will be jobless in two weeks, word of mouth is very important. I also registered at www.linkedin.com, great networking tool! And guess who I found there? Bosslady! How funny is that. Oh and a bunch of Professors from Baruch. I already updated my profile and did as much bragging about myself as I could.

I think I'm feeling more confident. Maybe this is a good thing. I mean, if this place hadn't kicked me out, who knows for how long I would've been here, not growing. Something good must come out of this. Maybe I can catch up on my writing and on my housework. Spend more time with Aixah and actually learn to cook.

Things will be OK. And I mean that for everyone out there without a job or about to lose their job. We will pull through.

Freaking Out

2009-02-02T17:25:00.003-05:00

I'm freaking out! I just fixed up my resume and the reality of my current situation really hit me.

I'll be leaving here in less than two weeks. I will most likely never see any of these people again. I don't mean to be dramatic but it's true. I had some really good times here. This was my first real job out of College. I went through pregnancy here and bouts of nausea. I brought my baby in for a baby shower and my boss gave Aixah her swing set. I won my first game of RISK ever, here. Our chocolate cake and beer events...our falafel lunches...my arguments with Bossman...I'm not ready for any of this to be over. And I don't want their business to fail, not at all. The mere thought makes me sad.

My boss asked me how I was feeling, she is such a sweetheart, and I see the sadness reflected in her eyes. I want to make things better for her. And I want to keep my job because I am comfortable here. And it scares me to have to pick up and leave and start over again.

Spoke too soon

2009-01-29T17:29:00.003-05:00

I was just laid off and I am in complete shock and for once I have nothing more to say.

2009-01-29T11:58:00.003-05:00

I'm totally bored with work and that is not a good feeling. I'm sick of doing administrative work when I could be doing so much more. And copyediting has to be one of the most boring tasks I have yet to encounter. I wouldn't mind if I were copyediting a young adult manuscript, like when I interned at Simon and Schuster, but copyediting a math or a government textbook in Spanish is just tedious and gives me no self-fulfillment at all.

I've recently started thinking about going for my MBA in writing or just taking online writing courses. I wonder if I could continue my career as an editor in a bigger company and preferably in children's trade book publishing.

My major in College was journalism and I was a really good writer. I had potential. All my professors said so. So why am I here, with Bossman who makes me feel so useless, like a child, really? It's my fear of failure come to haunt me again. So what if the internship at S&S didn't go as planned. I could try again. We have Random House and Penguin and Scholastic and others. Maybe now that I have more experience it will be easier to get interviews. But God, how I do hate interviews.

2009-01-25T21:29:00.002-05:00

Today my Aunt asked me if I was pregnant. She looked at me square in the face when she asked me too. She wasn't trying to be mean. Titi is never trying to me mean, she is just bluntly honest and so obsessed with her and everyone else's weight that I could just binge eat and vomit.

I said, 'no, I'm not, I've just been eating more than usual and I'm feeling pre-menstrual so back off lady!' OK, so I didn't really say that last part. But an hour later, after the conversation was done and over with I mentioned, "I'm due to get my period soon and I get really bloated." She kinda says, aha and then proceeds to ignore me. I hate when people say, aha. It means that they are either, not paying attention to you, or just humoring you.

I tried on two skirts this morning to go to KH and they were both tight arount the hips. It is quite a shame because I was doing so well with my diet. I had skinny people coming over to me asking for dieting tips. And I was totally into it too. I would say, "do you have a pen? Let me give you the website that I use."

I try to tell myself that the reason that my cheeks look like two full moons has nothing to do with the amount of calories I put into my system and everything to do with my camera. I say this even when I'm stuffing my face quietly in the kitchen with Tostitos and all natural salsa. And tostitos would be fine if I just ate 7, like the serving size says. But I can't just stop at 7, I can't stop until I've inhaled the entire family size package. It's almost like I'm on a mission to finish the bag. And then the guilt begins...

Just to clarify, in case there are any doubts, I am not pregnant. My shirt was just a little big and so happened to bulge around the belly part. That bulge was all air and not belly fat, though I have plenty of that too (there are abs there too, some where).

I'm going to jump back on the eating green and treadmill runners bandwagon, just not this month. Some one mentioned jazzercise. Isn't that just dancing? I could totally dance, that sounds a lot more fun than walking on some treadmill.

Home sick

2009-01-20T19:45:00.002-05:00

without the baby and the apartment all to myself...
the couch all to myself
the TV all to myself
No screaming baby
No checking work e-mail
Watching 90210 reruns and the hallmark channel for hours and hours
Alas, if I hadn't felt so bad it would've been a perfect day.
I hope I don't get a fever tonight or feel too bad come tomorrow morning, cuz I really should get to work and at least attempt to be productive. And I really don't want to have to go to the Dr. over a fever and a really bad sore throat, especially since I haven't been to a Dr. since I found out I was pregnant. That's almost 3 years ago, eek. I guess I was traumatized with all the blood they drew and I just don't like Drs.

Feeling ill

2009-01-19T13:33:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling sick, waa...

It started last night and continued on to this morning. And now I am sitting in the office eating chicken soup with carrots and I absolutely hate carrots, so I must be dying.

I don't even know what I have. The right side of my throat hurts and my body aches and I have the chills (although not as bad as last night) and I'm feeling slightly nauseous (no, I am not pregnant), but that could be from the awful taste in my mouth.

This morning I went from sleeping under two blankets, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, sweatpants and furry socks to completely naked in less than 1 minute. Victor thought this was a green light until I growled at him.

Just a regular Sunday

2009-01-18T20:07:00.005-05:00

Still haven't been able to get that urine sample for the pedi. Yesterday I went to the office and picked up more bags and cups. I think I got about 5 bags and 3 cups. So far two attempts have been made with the bags and all we have gotten is a few drops of urine. How frustrating is this, ugh. And this morning her urine smelled like ammonia, AGAIN.

Today we did a family trip to Target (I absolutely love these). We bought some basic things for the house and went looking for a baby doll for Aixah as she just loves to hold them and feed them and say, 'Baby.' We didn't find the doll but we did find the same blanket that she is attached too (you know, the stinky blankie). So now we have two, although she still prefers the stinky one to the newer, fluffier one.

And speaking of blankets, we bought the perfect one for us. I can't wait to go to bed tonight. This blanket is so warm and soft, just perfect since our apartment has been so cold lately. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight.

Our KH time has changed from 9:30AM to 1:00PM this year, so we hit Three Star early this morning for breakfast. It worked out perfectly and I was able to listen to the entire meeting because I was on a full, caffeine filled, stomach. You should've seen Aixah spoon feeding herself eggs with her left hand. She's pretty good at it too. Victor thinks she's ambidextorous (sp?) because she uses both her left and her right hand (she picks her nose with her right hand).

Bossman asked me if I wanted to come into the office tomorrow since it is a floating holiday. I don't want to but what can I do when everyone else already said they would go in (suckers). I guess it'll be better than staying here, trying to get Aixah to be pee in a cup *yanks hair in frustration*.

Here are some pics:

It's Finally beginning to feel like winter

2009-01-17T10:18:00.003-05:00

...in our apartment.

Geez.

I have the hot water running in the bathroom hoping that it will heat up my tiny apartment. Victor says it doesn't do much but at least it makes me feel better (and possibly warmer).

Yesterday it was suppose to be the coldest that it's gotten this winter, but thankfully Aixah and I remained indoors, that is the good thing about having off on Fridays. Not that I'm not waiting anxiously to be put back on the clock real soon so I can start getting my full pay again, you know.

Thursday was a real blast. I was invited to go see a basketball game. At first it was suppose to be me and Aixah but then I decided to just go ahead and ask my mom to watch her for a couple of hours (thus breaking that awkwardness that we had). And I'm glad I did because that meant that I had the extra hands for my beer(s), hotdog(s) and all the screaming. I acted like a complete fool and absolutely loved it. It's good to act crazy every now and then.

Today I take Aixah to another Drs. appt. I feel like all I do is take her to the Dr. lately, what with the cold, fever, infected toes and possible UTI it has been medication and phone calls galore. At least she's happy again, that's all that matters.

Tequila

2009-01-13T16:27:00.001-05:00

That is some strong, nasty stuff, but man...talk about feeling warm and fuzzy inside. That's all I have to say.

Lemons

2009-01-12T12:53:00.006-05:00

Aixah's urine smelled like ammonia this morning. And I mean ammonia. Not good. We called the pedi and he asked us for a urine sample. He wanted us to have her pee in a cup. Um yeah, if I could do that I wouldn't still be changing diapers, now would I? So begins my Monday morning, Manic Monday for sure.

Aixah's been sick and she hasn't really been eating much of anything. If I go two days without eating that is fantastic news for my figure, but if Aixah goes two days without eating she starts to look like a cadaver, poor thing. I tell you, if it's not one thing with these kids than it's another, why can't they just be healthy, please.

Things between my mother and I are really weird. At least we are semi talking now, but man, it stinks to have your mother P.O. at you. Ah well, what's that saying, 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,' or create a blog, seriously, great venting outlet.

As for other matters, Thursday, which was a huge funk day for me, a great friend met me after work and joined me for a pity party. We had local beer and guacamole and laughed. It felt good to just hang out, for once, I need my girl time, you know.

Saturday Aixah and I went to a friends house and did a little bit of everything:

Dance Revolution

Rock Band

Karaoke

I didn't leave their 'till 1:30AM and I only left after it was obvious that Aixah wasn't going to fall asleep until she was in her crib. Aixah, the party pooper...lol

In other news, Bossman is back in the office. He brought me back a book on Spanish accents (0h joy) and some hard liquor from Mexico. The liquor has a worm floating in the bottle...eew. He said, "this will make a gringo cringe." And I said, "and a non-gringo too." I guess when I've exhausted myself reading up on accents and spanish structure and am just bored too tears I won't care what I'm drinking. But as of right now, no thank you.

Breaking up with mom

2009-01-09T00:35:00.005-05:00

I have been dying to vent on here but last night I had wireless connection issues and then today I was busy at work with no time to update, but I am finally home, at 12:30 AM...

Here's the thing, last night, in the car, on our way home with my Dad, my mom, my husband and my daughter, my mother had the only outburst after I snapped at her over a blanket. It's really hard to explain but basically I was buckling Aixah in her car seat and my mom told me to grab her blanket like three times, so, very annoyed, I said (in Spanish), 'just give me a sec, ok.' And she flipped. Just went off about how I have this habit of disrespecting her. Victor was sitting all the way in the third row and he asked me what was wrong and if we were arguing. I'm like, 'yeah, she's flipping out over me telling her to hold on.' And then she really went all out and started yelling and saying how she wasn't my friend, or my Aunt, or a sister that she was my mother and as such I needed to respect her and that the next time I disrespect her [and now her voice gets really high-pitched and hoarse and it sounds like she's crying and she also looks like she's trying to climb over the passenger seat to reach me] she will smack me across the face...[at this point I think she's going to get an asthma attack or a panic attack or hyperventilate and I'm on the verge of tears and just confused on what in the heck just happened, you know?]

My Dad had to referee and told her to calm down and I honestly had nothing to say. The only thing I said was, 'what have I done to you today?' Absolutely nothing, but apparently she must resent me for something, right?

My mom isn't someone that cries and this is the third time that I have made her cry. And it really hurts. We aren't talking, which has NEVER happened before and my mom had my Dad call me today to ask how Aixah's appointment went. 'Very mature mom', says the daughter who felt like she was 10 years-old yesterday after her mom yelled at her in front of her husband...

I think the best thing to do at this moment is put some distance between us. I'm like, breaking up with my mother, how awful is that? And all I keep thinking is, 'mom, please don't die before we get past this.'

An Overall Fantastic 4 Day Weekend

2009-01-06T13:19:00.008-05:00

I'm sorry, I've completely neglected my blog. I am still here though, just working on some other things. I started writing again, fiction. But I won't share that, it's so fresh and choppy and just unedited. I still dream with finishing a novel, one day, sigh. I'm also reading other people's short stories and just really appreciating their writing and hoping that that can serve as a muse to me.

As for reality...

the non-fiction aspect of my life...

the oh-so-true, sensical, fathomable aspects of this day-to-day existence...

I am here and getting older and hopefully wiser, lol.

This past weekend was so much fun. Thursday we had the family over. My cousin and her husband visiting from Germany and then my other cousin and her two kids visiting from Spain. We had a nice dinner and no alcohol because since my mother doesn't drink she thinks that no one else does either, *proceeds to roll eyes*. But she made coffee and coffee always makes everyone feel good, especially caribbean coffee. We passed the time watching videos on a projector that my father had stored up in his closet for 25 plus years. We laughed so much and Aixah was so excited and kept on pointing and saying, "baby," the baby being my older cousin and me. I thought it was so cute that she was totally into the video.

Saturday and Sunday was our convention and boy was I wrong about Aixah. She was so well-behaved and everyone was so helpful, offering to watch her every now and then. She even managed to nap for about an hour in the Sat. meeting. The experiences that you hear are so refreshing. I think the one that touched me the most was about the sister remembering the death of her father and how great of a husband and a father he was and just a god-fearing man altogether. I think she made a lot of us cry in the audience.

Sunday afternoon we went out to eat with a group of friends at a steakhouse called, The Living Room. Aixah came with and again she was well-behaved even though she is getting a cold and hadn't napped all day that day. She ate veal and shrimp and calamari and lobster. Our urban baby is all about exquisite dining. I have to post a family picture. It makes me giggle everytime I see Aixah with the roll of bread in her mouth.

Todays word of the day is, 'Frumpy'

2009-01-02T15:23:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Friday and I should be doing a million and one things today (like laundry, for starters) but all I want to do is veg on the couch and read, write, play a little video games. I just settled Aixah down for a nap and she should be good for about 3 hours, so that gives me three hours to:
a. veg in the couch
b. do laundry
c. veg in the couch and feel guilty afterwards
Ugh...

I feel like this weekend quickly approached me. This weekend being the weekend of our circuit convention. I still need to see about getting cold cuts for our sandwiches (the preferred option for lunch), what snacks and toys I will bring Aixah to distract her during the 6-hour meeting in which I know she will just behave terribly and I will come out looking like I was ran over by a truck several times and then stomped on by an elephant...so much for carefully choosing my outfits at Banana Republic, it makes no sense really if I'll be looking like roadkill afterwards. Which leads me to more vain stuff, like my hair and my eyebrows and my moustache, if you really must know. I had a tentative appointment today with a friend to get all of that taken care of (she runs a home business and she is also the only one I will let touch my eyebrows) but I totally forgot and now it is 3:30, possibly too late.

I'm seriously not this vain but I have been feeling frumpy lately. I shouldn't be feeling frumpy because I associate that with sweats, an oversized T-shirt and worn out sneakers, but I do. And I don't like it one bit. I'm thinking that maybe it's because I haven't worn heels since the summer. So I'm bringing out my heels tomorrow. But I know it also has to do with my weight. I'm not handling this weight thing very well. It seems like everyone and their mother suddenly lost an enormous amount of weight and here I am still lugging around baby weight...no fair. I'm also having a hard time controlling what I put into my mouth. Things like Chips Ahoy cookies go right in, one after the other. Now try feeding me baby carrots and I just might smack you across the head, I don't do well with veggies (I have no problem vegitating on the couch though, lol).

And to add to my frumpiness, I have my period which is equivalent to me bleeding to death and having to wear a maxi pad the size of Aixah's diaper and of course the terrible mood swings where I just want to smack everyone across the head. You just can't feel unfrumpy when you have a diaper in between your legs.

A Second Chance

2008-12-28T21:56:00.002-05:00

Sorry, the title is a little dramatic...
So after yesterday I still needed something to wear for next weekends convention...oh, what's a girl to do?
Well, after KH and after brunch and after placing Aixah down for a nap, I ventured into the city by myself (Victor stayed with Aixah). I went to union square and fifth avenue, a shopaholic's haven and this time I remembered to bring my purse.
There's, lets see (off the top of my head): Banana Republic, Gap, Gap Kids, Kenneth Cole, Juicy Couture, Zara, Aldo, H&M, etc., etc., etc.
I spent most of my time in Banana Republic. Two hours and three fitting room trips later I came out with two skirts, 1 blouse, 1 sweater and a very big smile on my face. I stepped into Zara and got two v-neck sweaters for work...just because they were really cheap and because shopping makes me happy...oh, and yes, obviously I need them for work. I stepped into Gap Kids but I wasn't too impressed with their selections. It looked like the moms had already come bustling in and bought off everything in the 12 to 18 month section, boo. But I did get her a few cute pieces and essential, of course! I was pressed for time and so I wasn't able to get Victor anything, but I will get you something, I promise, sweetie ;).

I love the city at night. I can not stress that enough. I can't wait to do this again...hint, hint...

A Shopaholic's Nightmare

2008-12-27T21:32:00.008-05:00

Going to the mall and forgetting your *gasp...purse.

Yup, that was me, today. We went all the way to the Queens Center Mall to do some serious shopping for our circuit convention that is next weekend and I forget my friggin purse. I didn't forget the fried noodles that I was going to use to bribe Aixah to behave, I didn't forget my house keys, or my cell phone, or Aixah's stinky blankie but I forget the ch$ ch$ng, ugh.

My eyes got all watery, what a waste of a perfectly decent shopping day AND all the amazing after Christmas sales on top of it all, waa...

I was with my Dad, my Mom and my Aunt and my Dad just kind of rolls his eyes like I left my purse on purpose so that he could buy me something. My mom is looking at me with this sad expression because at this moment I am desperately fishing in my pockets. I come up with two 20s, three singles, and about 4 dollars in quarters. This may be enough to buy a layering tee and some hoisery and a snack at the food court. I really want to cry.

My Aunt is just kind of laughing. She's in her own little world. But then she says, all happy, "well...you can do some window shopping...

Window shopping...WINDOW SHOPPING...lady, are you crazy? I'd rather get a colonoscopy than go window shopping.

And then she mentions...and why people mention this at the most inopportune moment I will never know...do you want to have more kids now, Rubie? That question really drives me up a wall. I always try to reply with something sarcastic, like, No, way, I hate kids, I'm looking to give mine away, interested? Or, nah, I love kids, I may stop at number 6, do you think that's too much, well, how did you manage? Ugh...people, please stop bashing FTM (first time moms) we have feelings too!

Anyway, I call Victor as a last resort, with this crazy idea that maybe he can swoop into the mall and drop off a couple of hundred dollar bills. Apparently, Victor wasn't very excited about swopping any where since he worked all day yesterday and all day today (and is still working, mind you). In fact, he was very insulted by my phone call. Geez, some superhero he is...

So now I'm home, managed to afford a greenish merino wool sweater at Banana Republic and a decent cup of coffee and that is all, sigh.
Guess I'll be wearing that Michael Kors sweater, again, this weekend--boo.

(I'll be sulking now, thank you very much.)

The defiant one

2008-12-22T10:56:00.002-05:00

So that whole blanket thing didn't go so well. Aixah did a lot of crying. Then she did some middle of the night protesting. She decided she wanted the lights on in the bedroom. So she went ahead and turned them on. And I went to turn the switch off, only to have a very stubborn, angry, defiant, 1.5 year-old turn them back on. Oh well, defeated I went back to bed. And so we slept with the ceiling light, very brightly lit, all night. Whatcha gonna do?

This morning, after retrieving the blanket from downstairs, I handed it over to Aixah. You should've seen the happiness in this girls eyes. She grabbed it, shoved two fistfuls in her mouth and proceeded to close her eyes, like she was totally ready for bed. Boy, I don't even want to think about having to wean her from that. Anyone up for the task?

Sunday thoughts

2008-12-21T22:59:00.004-05:00

Last week we had a party at work. A little get together for those that have not visited the new office. My mother has been watching the baby and so I decided to be bad and stay a little late at the party. Late as in leave at 7ish. But I didn't mention this to my mom because I knew she would tell me to come straight home and pick up my daughter and I just wanted to have me time, no baby, just me. I got a little buzzed which is always fun because I giggle a lot and get all happy and I don't do it all the time, you know. peace, love and rock and roll.

I got in at 8 to pick up A. and all of my family was there visiting and a very angry mother who I proceeded to hug and pat her head, I think, lol. She kicked me out right away and didn't even offer me dinner, which was fine because I was in..you guessed it--the best mood ever!

That was Thursday. And then Friday it snowed. Beautiful, I absolutely love the snow when it first falls on the ground. It's the kid in me that gets so excited. I was secretly hoping to get snowed in. When I left work, at about 6, it had stopped snowing but the ground was so slippery. I was walking very carefully, wouldn't want to slip and fall, you know. It's not like in the movies where you fall and some goodlooking guy comes to your rescue. Two winters ago I slipped on a patch of ice and fell and all I had was an old Russian lady watching me try to get up and I was PREGNANT! So ladies, please, don't try to break your leg this winter, you'll have better success with match.com.

Let's fast forward to this weekend. Not just this weekend, this very moment. I am listening to Aixah cry her little heart out. She is simply devastated because she doesn't have her blankie, eek. Sure, she has 5 other blankets but not the blanket. Aixah's dependency on that stinky blanket is getting out of hand. That blanket is, as of right now, sitting in a dryer downstairs in the basement. As crazy circumstances go, the super (that jerk), closed the basement on me. So I'm sitting here listening to her cry and wondering if I should put on my ipod to drown the noise. Maybe I should because the screaming is getting louder.
Lets hope that we all get through tonight.
And I guess that tomorrow I should place an order for 3 of those blankets from babies r us.

An update, reflections and a funny aside

2008-12-18T13:41:00.004-05:00

I’m in an incredibly good mood today and I don’t know why, but what a nice change from the last couple of days. You can always tell when I’m in a good mood too; I just can’t stop talking.

I think I need to update my readers (lol, totally full of myself today) on what has been going on. I’m writing this in a word document because, for some very annoying reason, I can’t access my blog. I am hoping that this is only temporary because I really need this outlet.

First off I went to KH last night and Aixah was amazing. But she was amazing because she wasn’t with me (not ideal, but I’ll take it). She went from one person to another and I was able to listen to the meeting for once. This is great. If anyone knows me I have a very short attention span. If I’m hungry I will think about food, if I’m tired my mind will just start thinking about nonsense, if someone gets up to go to the bathroom I will follow them with my eyes. It’s an awful habit that I have to break.

On another note, I met with Bossman yesterday and we did some bonding, which is a little scary considering that his very presence makes me become all defensive and sarcastic. We met in regards to a presentation that we will be doing today. My part is quality control—please don’t ask, I’m still trying to figure this out, I only have a few hours left.

So it turns out that Bossman mentions that I am a good writer which is totally strange and random since he hasn’t really seen my writing, well, unless he has been reading my blog (and then I’d have to kill him, lol). There isn’t much opportunity to be creative in this company but the few times that they have asked me to write something or create something I have done a good job. Anyway, the fact that he appreciates my writing just makes me open up and I start talking about College and the classes I took and the Professor’s that bored me to tears, etc. He likes this conversation because he is a Philosophy Professor at Rutgers University. I tell him that I hated Philosophy. This conversation continues and soon we are laughing and talking like old friends. And then he does something that always makes my co-worker and I freak. He flexes his muscle. He does this all the time but only with me or my female co-worker; slightly disturbing no? I think about asking him, ‘Why do you always do that thing with your arm? Is that a twitch or something? Should I be impressed?' But I think better of it. We are not that cool.

On another note, I have been dreaming, a lot. I’ve always been a dreamer and a lucid dreamer at that (you know, those people that wake up in the dream and can control the dream—totally cool and intense). And don’t worry, I studied that in psychology, it is nothing paranormal, lol.

Two nights ago I dreamt that all my friends were going on a trip to Belgium but that I wasn’t invited. The whole dream was just sad and frustrating for me because I wanted to go on this trip and couldn’t understand that my friends didn’t want me to go because I had a kid. None of my friends have kids. So here I am in this dream, feeling like I'm 10 and isolated and like I have the cooties or something. Not a good feeling for a just-turned-27-year-old. Or maybe it's frustration from the fact that we can't go on vacation as a family because Victor's business won't permit.

Then last night I dreamt that I met up with a cyber friend and her son from my pregnancy forum at Grand Central Station. We went shopping and then we had coffee at a little shop. It was nice. And it was, again, a reflection on my social life and…I don’t know…my feeling kinda lonely? Does that make sense? It's OK to feel lonely, right?

Sorry, this whole post has been about reflections and more for me than anyone else. But if I can't go into a longwinded rant about myself in my own blog then where can I?

Privacy, at last

2008-12-16T11:58:00.006-05:00

So, who knows what the work situation will be like in the next few weeks, but for now, I am loving the cubes and the privacy and space that I have. Last week Bossman and I were skyping (IM) each other and he called me over to his office for the third time within a two minute period and I rolled my eyes or snickered or both, bottom line is that he was staring right at me (his office is directly across from my desk) and we had no partitions at the time. Oops! I tried to change my grimace to a smile real quick but he's not that clueless, you know. But not anymore. I can take a nap here and no one would ever notice. If you can call a cubicle cozy then that's the perfect word to describe how I feel right now. All I need is a pillow and a blanket and someone rubbing my feet and I would be all set.

I Need a Happy Pill

2008-12-15T15:43:00.004-05:00

I have been so down in the dumps. I've been miserable most of the weekend, some of Friday too, I think. I don't think I've mentioned this here before, but Aixah has a horrible infection on her feet, especially her left foot. She is on an oral antibiotic for the next two weeks and a burrow solution if we can ever find it, to help with the oozing. Yes, there is oozing and blood and my poor girl is limping, :(. She doesn't really complain though and it doesn't stop her from doing car wheels and sumersaults, but I am still sad, especially that I let it get so out of hand before actually bringing her to the Dr.

I'm home with her today because of the 'babysitter' issues and because my mother refused to watch her today...how awful is that? But I will be going into work from Tues. to Fri...yup, I'll actually be in the office on Friday, that was Bossman's request.

I took some pics of Aixah's feet, just to compare if they actually get better. I warn you, they are pretty gross. And they actually look worse in person.

Emotional Breakdown or whatever you want to call it

2008-12-11T10:11:00.005-05:00

I had a small and brief emotional breakdown last night after KH. Aixah behaved terribly during the meeting. She was worse than an animal, no, wait, animals behave better than my daughter did last night.

We are trying to discipline her to behave, or at least to remain in her chair during meetings and some days are better than others. But I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, my menstrual cycle being all wacky and a lot longer than it was pre-pregnancy or the fact that I had my mother nagging and nagging and being whiny...it was awful and I just wanted to freeze time and I don't know...maybe tape my mother's mouth shut and tape my daughter to her chair, is that illegal?

I just get really frustrated. When Aixah makes me lose my patience I just feel all guilty and like this awful incapable mother. I think I'm stressed out because I will be babysitter-less until Jan., my sitter went to PR this morning and my mother is watching Aixah for this week. But then for the next two weeks I need to find someone to watch Aixah because my mother won't do it. Can you believe that? Since I was 14 my mother watched other people's kids but now she won't watch mine? I don't want to resent her for this but I do. At the same time I know that I can't leave Aixah with my mother if I want to keep my sanity. Do you know what it's like to come home after an 8 hour shift and an hour commute on nyc transit during rush hour and then having your mother complain how...the baby didn't sleep, she was tugging at the curtains, she almost broke her skull on the edge of that glass table, and (this is the one that gets to me) I haven't been able to eat all day...WHAT? You've got to be kidding me, seriously!

Then my mother does some sort of roll call where she lists all her ailments:

gallbladder stone

facial paralysis

heart palpitations

shortness of breath

some random burn on her finger

the laxatives she hasn't been able to take because she can't use the bathroom while she watches Aixah...

I don't want to sound insensitive but I think my mother likes to exaggerate and it stresses me out.

So anyway, back to last night. By the end of the meeting I wanted to teleport myself and Aixah back home and just drop her in the crib and close the door. People were saying hi to me and it was just obvious that I was in the worst mood ever--I hate when I do that. One sister told me that I had to be patient and to look at her as an example because she had three kids. This really annoyed me, I hate to say. It was like the icing on the cake. I felt my eyes getting watery and I had to look away. She has three kids, one of which is 16 and takes care of the other two, so please, lets just leave it at that.

I managed to make it to the elevator of the apartment before I burst into tears. Victor met me in front of the elevator and he was so concerned. I must have looked like such a mess. Once we got home Victor took over and put Aixah to bed and she was my little angel child again, saying goodnight and waving. All of the fits and tantrums and scratching of the face was simply her way of saying, 'mommy, I'm sleepy'--kids have such drastic ways of expressing themselves.

Work Update

2008-12-08T16:27:00.003-05:00

I don't know where to begin. I feel like I abandoned ship. For one thing, it feels like the recession is finally reaching us. Last week we had a meeting at work where all 4 employees (yes, we are that small of a company) met with the bosses and were told that we would receive a cut in pay. We will be getting paid 8 hours less a week. This is not good. This is a 20% cut. How awful. Better than to be laid off, but still awful, you know? I cannot lose this job. We cannot be without insurance. One of my co-workers already found a weekend job waitressing. She is living out here on her own, moved from the West Coast two years ago. The cost of living in NYC is ridiculously high, how can you do it without a steady job? And to go out looking for a job in your field, right now, is just...ridiculously competitive? Is that even the right word? There are thousands of people on the street looking for work, at this very moment. So it's basically a matter of getting in line and waiting your turn and settling for a cut in pay. Oh well, what can you do? I will not concern myself with things that have not taken place yet. But this I will say, I do not want to have to do retail--I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. My customer service skills are poor and people are just, overall, mean.

I do, however, have to watch my spending. Especially my work week spending. I have decided to skip the $4 dollar latte and have a .75 cent coffee instead. Not as luxurious or as good as a latte but it makes me feel better to know that I am saving something. Victor would be proud and appalled all at the same time.

So this 8 hour cut from work means that I will be completely off on Fridays. This is good. I can schedule all of our doctor's appts. for then. Victor also suggested that I should take driving lessons on Fridays too. What a great idea! Can you imagine me, driving? What a hoot!

Peter Parker sighting on NYC subway station

2008-12-02T10:50:00.003-05:00

I rode on the train with Peter Parker last night. The pre-spider bite, dorky, pimple stricken, awkward, Peter Parker. The guy looked just like Tobey Maguire, he had his glasses and he even set his jaw the same way. It was rush hour and we were sharing the same pole and I basically stared at him for the duration of my ride home. I wasn't staring in a, 'OMG, I love you, Peter Parker,' kind of way, but more of a fascinated, 'has anyone ever told you that you look just like Peter Parker', kind of way. Anyway, if I'm going to crush on any comic book hero it would have to be, hands-down, Clark Kent. I've loved him since I was five.

And the Hi5 obsession continues

2008-11-30T14:03:00.004-05:00

It is official. Aixah has taken over the TV. First it started with a few innocent shows of Hi5 while visiting my mother. Aixah learned to ask for Hi5 and we all thought it was so cute. She had this little chant that begged for you to put the show on. Then the cute chant became annoying as heck. She became more insistent and whiny. And then I discovered that they give Hi5 Free on Demand so we didn't need a tape to watch Hi-5, they had free shows OnDemand, yippee!!! Except that now she will not watch or let you watch anything else unless it is Hi5. The show hypnotizes her, seriously. And she knows some of the songs. If you won't put Hi5 for her she brings you the remote or randomly presses buttons on the TV. This girl is a character and a half, I tell you.

This morning she spilled coffee all over our red, suede couch. And it wasn't just a little spill, it was HUGE. Fortunately the coffee wasn't hot. It was my mistake for leaving the mug laying around. But I was busy...Victor bought an XBox yesterday. Hi5 is to Aixah what an XBox is to me. Aixah has me on check though...no playing video games while she is awake, lol. I can't wait for her nap today, teehee.

And her new thing for this month is crossing her arms. She does it with an attitude too, so funny. Poor thing is sick, though. All snotty and congested. It's been a while since she has been this sick, but she is still in good humor--as long as she is watching Hi5.

2008-11-25T21:56:00.006-05:00

2008-11-25T21:09:00.003-05:00

The project that I was working on is a little slow because of the holidays, so Bossman has begun to train me as a translator/Editor. I was originally hired as an editorial assistant but being how this office is run I was moved to Project Manager real quick. I am actually excited about this "training". I do not like the administrative aspect of project management. So far Bossman says that my translations are not that bad. He says that with more practice I should be as good as his worst translator--hmm, Spanish is not my first language so I am not overly offended. English is not Bossman's first language so I excuse him for his poor manner of explaining my progress. I hope this means a decent raise come next evaluation.

The sitter called Victor today and asked him to pick up Aixah. That she wouldn't stop crying and pointing to her mouth. I'm glad she called him and not me. What do working people do in that situation? When I was sick my mother would pick me up from school. School was three blocks away and she was a stay-at-home-mom. If the sitter were to call me over any emergency I'd have to travel about an hour to reach them. Scary.

The sitter was taking care of a 9-month baby today. A breastfed baby that is overly attached to her mother. The baby does a lot of crying when her mother is not around and she will not eat or take a bottle unless it is coming from the breast. But get this. The mother has a therapist come to the house and teach the baby to eat. She also has another therapist come to the house and play with the baby. This second therapist is actually suppose to teach her to grasp items because the baby has difficulty holding things. Aixah had a great time playing with the second therapist. The baby just cried.

The mother of the baby is a nurse. When Aixah was little she would mention little things, like how she thought Aixah was anemic, or how the walking on the tippy toes thing was the worst thing ever. Sometimes I have to wonder if those well-rounded in the medical field are a little paranoid.

Wedding Dress woes

2008-11-23T14:39:00.008-05:00

Yesterday my Aunt asked me to give my cousin my wedding dress for her wedding. My cousin is getting married August of next year. She is getting married in Vieques or rather, she is hosting a ceremony in August as she is already married. I don't know how I feel about this. Lets just say that I wasn't jumping up and down for joy to give it to her.

I have only been married for a little over three years and to give her my wedding dress and have her alterate it and wear it as her own bothers me, a little. I realize that this is quite selfish of me as I have paid no attention to the dress since the day of the wedding. I don't even think I hung the dress up. If I remember correctly I tossed it on the bed and had my mother in law pack it away for me. I was in a rush to get to Maui--you do understand, I hope.

It's just a dress, a piece of fabric, a thousand-dollar Demetrios fabric and the most expensive item, after my engagement ring that I have ever owned...it's not a big deal. Just give my cousin the dress and be happy about it, I tell myself, but in reality, I'm hoping that everyone forgets about the dress. I'm hoping that my cousin gets her own dress and I'm hoping that maybe one day I can fit into that dress again.

So there you have it. I am selfish, I am bitter and I am overweight...ok, I'm off to munch on something fattening...

Playing Hooky

2008-11-21T17:48:00.005-05:00

I've started to read this book called, FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON. I bet you've heard of it. It was on my reading list in High School and I decided to skip it then. I came across it yesterday at a very quaint used bookstore by work. I know this book is going to make me sad. And I just don't know why I insist on reading sad books. The book is written in journal entries. The main character, Charlie Gordon, is 'dumb' so the beginning entries are written as follows: I dont remembir so good and I reely tryed to see...and then after the surgery or shall we say, operashaun to make him 'smart,' his entries begin to make sense, he becomes articulate and grammatically correct, and he begins to notice women and to rediscover his past. Algernon is the lab rat that was experimented on first. So whatever happens to Algernon will, in fact, happen to Charly...and I already know what happens to Algernon...

I renewed my permit today. I was nervous about having to take the written test, I don't know why. I mean, I don't drive but I do know what a STOP sign is or that drinking coffee will not reduce your blood alcohol content. It is all common sense, that is why I will not mention that I got 5 out of 20 questions wrong...one of which was, 'What does a NO STANDING sign mean,' oops...ok, I said it...F.I.V.E. questions wrong--yikes! But in all fairness, some of the people there looked like they should not be given permit priviledges...EVER.

I had a new picture taken. Paid $20 extra dollars for that, too! But I figured I look better now than I did 6 years ago--I think, right? Do they photoshop those pics? I think I had a little glare on my nose and forehead.

I was also able to spend a good portion of the day with Victor. We had lunch at Applebees and stuffed our faces--I LOVE me some buffalo wings--and came back home to celebrate our alone time ;). And now I'm off to pick up Aixah from the sitter. I'm hesitant to leave the house cuz it is so warm in here and so cold OUT THERE...brr...

It has been a very productive day and I am in a good mood.
TGIF!

Manhands

2008-11-18T14:58:00.003-05:00

People freak me out on the train. Today I saw a lady with manhands. Yes, you read correctly, manhands. I had to look at her twice to make sure she was indeed a woman and not a she-man. Then she did the grosses thing imaginable (I’m a little neurotic) she started filing the nails of her manhands. I was so concerned over the cup of coffee I had in my lap and whether any of those dust particles from her manhands would fall in (puke!). I wanted to scream…STOP Filing your nails on the train…You are FREAKING me out LADY!

Anyway, I don’t really like this new train I am taking to get into the new office. It is a little abandoned and a lot dirty. There are so many seats that no one can sit on cuz they are so disgusting. The line that I was taking before was always immaculate (as immaculate as anything in the underground subway system can be) and we had some of the newer trains too! You know, the ones that have the recording of a pleasant voice telling you the time and temperature, what the next stop is, and to have a great day…I miss that. Instead we have some guy hacking over the loudspeaker, ‘Stand clear of the closing doors, people.’

I’ve been very fidgety, again, today. Bosslady is in her new office but Bossman is still sitting right behind me. He hasn’t ordered his desk yet. I’ll give him my desk and sit on a fold-out table if it means not having him so close.

Just to kill time, I messed around with my desktop settings for over an hour. I settled for this wallpaper...

Is it in a Seinfeld episode where Georege Costanza sharpens pencils for eight hours at his new office because he has nothing to do? That’s how restless I feel. And I wouldn’t put it past Bossman to ask me to sharpen his pencils (I apologize if that sounds dirty; it’s not suppose to).

First Day at the new Office

2008-11-17T20:15:00.007-05:00

It’s funny, cuz it’s my first day in the new office. This is a very chic neighborhood so I try to play the part. I dress in a black Michael Kors sweater and I wear my most expensive denim. Victor drove me to work this morning and I made it just in time, 10 minutes to 10.
‘Here I am, world’, I try to say, as I walk into X Jay Street. I’m holding my hat in one hand and my handbag and cup of coffee in another. I have this stance that could knock anyone off the runway, or so I think. Except that I trip (but, of course) as I’m walking out of the elevator and I spill coffee all over my bag and coat…very uncool.

My self-esteem hits rock bottom fast. My stance is gone. And I am dripping coffee.
It is my first day of high school all over again. I can’t even find our suite. I have to call Bossman for instructions, except that he doesn’t know the room number; why am I not surprised.

For some reason I am jittery the whole day. I don’t know if it is being this close together with everyone, or the fact that we don’t have partitions or the fact that Bossman is sitting right behind me and I can’t surf the web (withdrawal symptoms…possibly?) because my computer screen is facing him.

I have lunch with a co-worker at this place called Rebar. We have chicken skewers and we share a bucket of chips. Their peanut sauce is amazing. I almost bite the waiter’s hand off when he tries to take it away. That makes me nervous too—when you are still eating and the waiter is clearing the table.

All in all, I like it here. I can’t wait till we get our furniture. And I can’t wait ‘till Bossman’s office is complete. Oh…and the partitions too. I hate seeing everyone’s faces or feeling as if I am being watched. I miss my privacy.

And to end the weekend...

2008-11-16T21:52:00.002-05:00

A nice, big jug of hot cocoa. And none of this Nestle Quick crap. This is the real deal. This is chocolate cortes, mmm.
There is nothing like hot cocoa and a good book on a sunday night. Or hot cocoa, cuddling with your mate and watching a good movie once the baby is in BED--yipee!!!

Baby Sitter-less

2008-11-16T21:01:00.002-05:00

My sitter may have to take an emergency trip to Puerto Rico, her father is gravely ill. This means that my mother will be taking care of Aixah for the time being. I don't want to start bashing my mother, cuz she is really great with the baby, but she also has this habit of annoying me. When it comes to my daughter I never do anything right. I don't give her enough milk, I give her too much water, her milk isn't warm enough, etc....you get the point...and this is on-going. She'll discuss that one issue for about an hour, she'll include examples and illustrations and there is always some current news issue that she includes just because. She'll ask if you are listening to her in between breaths. She is never wrong either. And if she is caught being wrong, it's not that she is wrong, it's that she was misunderstood.

I expect to hear how tired she is all this week. I hope Aixah doesn't give her a nervous breakdown. My mother got Bell's Palsy about a year ago and we all joked that it was the stress brought upon from a terrible-three-year-old cousin she takes care of (terrible, un-ruly, undisciplined, evil...lol).

The thing about my mother is that she is too good with the kids. I don't even think she eats or uses the bathroom, for that matter, when she is babysitting. At the sitter's house Aixah always comes back with bruises and I just shrug, bumps and accidents will happen...NOT on my mother's shift. This is the lady that would not let my knees brush against the pavement when I was riding my bike. Honestly, one time she slid across the pavement in order to keep my bike upright; I was learning to ride a bike without the training wheels and at one point I got nervous and took both feet off the pedals.

She is overprotective in an insane type of way.

Reflections

2008-11-15T23:34:00.002-05:00

Office Space

2008-11-15T23:25:00.005-05:00

Here was my executive suite:

And here it is after I finished packing. Doesn't that wall look sad?

And this is why I am not stay-at-home-mom material

2008-11-15T22:47:00.004-05:00

Today I could've taken full advantage of the state's safe haven law and dropped her off at the nearest Police Precinct. What am I going to do with my daughter? She is misbehaving so badly. She has anger managemente issues and tantrums in stores and restaurants. She has taken to hitting now. And if she can't reach me to hit me then she will try to hit whatever is in her reach, like the couch armrest. I have tried pinning her arms down or hitting her hand and saying, "Don't hit." But she is so unfazed. I really dislike unruly children. I know many unruly children and I always blame the parents. So now I am in this situation where I am constantly disciplining or nagging because I don't want my daughter to be labeled as unruly. I want people to like my daughter. Does this make sense? When I was growing up I was always the 'good girl' (still am, btw) and my cousin, three years older, was the 'unruly' one. She was the one that no one ever wanted to babysit. And it was so obvious, peoples distaste for her and her mother, for that matter. How sad is that?

In all fairness, the entire day wasn't that bad. She had her moments when she was cute. Like how she tries to dress herself. She is pretty good. She can get one of her feet through one pant leg but then she'll put the other leg in the same side. She has a favorite show too. It's Hi-5 and she says Hi-5 as soon as the TV goes on. She'll say it over and over and over again. And I have seen her stand in the living room, unblinking, for about 45 minutes. Isn't that amazing!

Good news...my parents bought her a convertible car seat. We got the Triumph Advance in black ice. It is very nice and it looks so comfortable. No fair, I wish I could sit in that thing. I may bring it into the fire department to see if it was installed correctly, but it'll have to be on Aixah's good day--I wouldn't want to accidentally drop her off and make a run for it, you know?

Rant Rant Rant

2008-11-14T14:17:00.003-05:00

Have I said that this working from home thing sucks! And not because of Aixah because she has been a doll.
Let me just begin by saying that I didn't have breakfast until 1:45 PM. Those who know me know that I take my breakfast (and lunch and dinner) very seriously. But there was just no time to take a break --not even a potty break--from all the e-mail exchanges and work distribution. Our deadlines are irrational and all Bossman can say is, "well, I guess we'll have to do it." By "we'll have to do" he means everyone else working around the clock and through the weekend. Not him. In fact, he's out having drinks at this very moment. Everyone who had the opportunity to go into the new office was there--cuz I could (unfortunately) hear them while speaking to Bossman on the phone--and they were having a party. And I'm stuck here with a sheep-load of work. I'm really upset.

And before then I had called to ask Bossman if I could meet him later today to pick up my paycheck (I don't have direct deposit). He says, 'do you need it today?' Um...HELLO...if I'm calling it's cuz I need it, right? Who doesn't want to get their money by the weekend (...it's not like I need it to go shopping I need it to pay my bills).

Anyway, I'm so put off by this whole situation. And I feel guilty for not paying any attention to my daughter. I'd prefer if she were with the sitter or with my mother, at least then I'd know that she was getting sufficient amount of attention. All I'm doing is saying No and don't do that, don't do this...nag nag nag

Seating Arrangements

2008-11-12T12:42:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a big deal when we move into the new office.
Right now, I have the executive suite, sorta speak. Big space, window, privacy. I love it here. However, there things will be different. No one person is going to have a window. But there is the "better" place to sit...like near the window...and then there is the sucky place to sit, like in back of someone else that is near the window.

Now, I don't want to start anything, but I want to be near the window. Three of us have been here the longest. Two people have not. So I always thought that us three would fight for or flip a coin at the new office. However, a certain someone from Group #2 has the bright idea that we all raffle for the seats that we want. And, of course, everyone wants the seat that I want. I am not liking this at all. I also don't like this guy. He thinks he is so great. Yesterday at a meeting he mentioned that the company should have him cloned that way he could be in two places at once.

I think that some people should not be cloned.

2008-11-12T12:19:00.002-05:00

Bossman is the most clueless person I know. Sometimes I wonder if he is playing dumb. Like how he doesn’t know how to send a fax or use a measuring tape. Like, ‘do you really not know how to send a Fax, or would you just like me to do it for you?’ Just tell me, don’t act dumb!
He’s always busy too! Fluttering this way and that way. Holding meetings every other hour. Last month he was so busy that he asked me if I could be so kind as to buy him coffee at the supermarket. He didn’t ask me the question directly or even indirectly, for that matter.

He said (and these were his exact words), “R., do you enjoy going to the supermarket?” It was this totally random question and I’m like, where is he going with this? Does anyone really enjoy going to the supermarket? Like, is it pleasurable?
“I go when I have to,” I answered.
He pauses, like he usually does when I say something he doesn’t like. I fill in the silence, “Would you like me to get you something from the supermarket?” What I really want to get him is a Don’t Beat Around the Bush for Dummies guide and a Why I am not your personal assistant book—but then I think I might get in trouble.

Apparently Bossman was pretty busy counting calories that day. I think he goes to calorieking.com or something. He is the only man I know that counts calories and is so open about it too.

So, get this. Bossman will be doing the final revisions for this project that we are working on.
Now, I have to be very specific when I give him instructions to do something, very, very specific and simple and basically hold his hand during the whole process. So what do I do? I send him an email. A very thorough—yet simple—e-mail of where he can find the files, etc. I even attach a picture of where the files are located. If this were anyone’s first day working with us, they would’ve found the files, no problem. But not Bossman, Bossman needed me to go over to his desk and point out the files. Poor guy!

But who am I to poke fun at him. I was the one fighting with a box yesterday.

Fighting with the Box

2008-11-11T12:05:00.002-05:00

Ugh...today is going to be a long day.

This is it, two more days before the move. The bosses didn't want to spend the extra $$$ on having the movers pack for us, so guess who gets to do it? Me! Well, not just me, obviously, the whole team. They also didn't want to spend the extra $$$ on the special, easy-to-handle containers that the movers provide so we got cardboard boxes instead. Boxes that come with installation instructions. The flaps are labeled A, B, C, D...all the way to H...and I must be totally out of it today because the box has got me beat. I swear it's laughing at me. Why can't I put the darn box together?

2008-11-11T00:26:00.002-05:00

Making Faces

2008-11-11T00:19:00.001-05:00

My happy baby and her bunny.

2008-11-10T22:41:00.004-05:00

Walking to the sitter's house this morning.

Why you should never cut Victor in line...

2008-11-10T00:09:00.006-05:00

Victor didn't get back home on Friday until almost 1 AM. I was just about to go to bed but he asked me to wait for him. So like the good wife that I am I did (ok, I can totally see Victor rolling his eyes at that comment, ha).

He gets home and is acting strange, like hiding his face from me. I don't think anything of it, Victor is just weird like that. But then, when he comes out of the bathroom I notice something out of place. He has like a glob of vaseline on the left side of his face. First I think he's being funny. I always put a thick layer of vaseline on my lips before going to bed, so I thought he was just making fun of me. But then, when I look again, I see that he has stitches on his face. Where in the heck is that from?

He tells me he was in a fight over an argument that started with a man that cut in line at a restaurant (one of those hole in the wall places that serves food outside). This was about 8PM, in the Bronx, of all places (I hate the Bronx).I don't know what words were exchanged between them two, but the other guy had been drinking and when he got too close to him Victor told him to step away that his breath stank. He said, "Oye bro, echate pa ya que te apesta la boca." I guess the other guy was severely offended by this because he decided to make the argument physical and swing at him. Victor was not in a defensive position, he had no idea that the guy was going to attack him. The punch landed smack on his face. After that they fought. Finally Victor managed to grab him with one hand and call the cops with the other. The guy was with a friend and kept on asking the friend to jump in and help but Victor warned the other guy not to get involved. And he didn't (smart man). The cops came right away, like 4 police cars and arrested the other guy. Victor went to the precinct, filled out a complaint and then went to the hospital. He got 6 stiches on the outside of his lip and 2 on in the inside. Ouch!

My first reaction when I saw him was that he looked like the Joker. I was really upset. I'm surprised I was able to maintain my cool and not start crying or screaming when I saw him. But I think it was because he was in such uplifting spirits and making "you should see the other guy" jokes.

Yesterday he showed up at court. Turns out that that tough guy who decided to cut in line for some lechon and batatas and take a swing at my husband was in the hospital with a broken arm and a broken wrist. I have to say, I take secret pleasure from knowing this.

I have to add--and this really cracks me up--after Victor got the stitches at the hospital, you would think he would've come straight home, right? Nope. He went back to that restaurant and ordered batata frita con longaniza. He says he was just looking for his watch that got lost in the brawl. But I think the poor guy was just hungry.