Rejected--of course

I've just had a bad day.
I took the day off from work since ,

A. I had no one to watch the baby
and
B. I needed a day to apply for health insurance.

Let me just tell you that all this crap about the government helping women who are pregnant is all a pack of lies. And let me also say that today has re-confirmed a thousand times why I did NOT want to be pregnant at this very moment.

So Victor, the father of my un-born child, couldn't make the visit with me to the hospital because he had a VERY, extremely busy day of work. So he drops me off and I enter Lutheran Hospital, which has to be in the most depressing parts of Brooklyn, with the Toddler. I go to like 7 different stations. All the women are Hispanic and all are very helpful. At station 2 I pee in a cup and they do a pregnancy test to confirm that I am pregnant, forget the fact that it looks as if I swallowed a basketball. So I pee and they test and OH, guess what, "You are VERY pregnant." So this lady writes me a much needed letter saying that 'I am pregnant." Apparently this letter opens the gateway to heaven. It didn't for me so if anyone's interested I'll sell it to you.

Then I go to Station 3. Station 3 was a horribly long wait. Their were about 20, very much pregnant Mexican women with their kids of all ages and me with Aixah SCREAMING. It was pure joy.

After a 30 minute wait, of which Aixah screamed for 28 of them, they call me up to schedule me an appointment for Aug 17.

Then I go to the final station of all where the actual application takes place. As soon as she sees Victor and my combined income she apologetically rejects us. She hands me a handful of tissues because I can't help myself and start to cry. Then I apologize for crying because I don't want her to think that I'm trying to pull one of those acts where I kick and scream until I get insurance.

So I walk out feeling as undignified as ever and I stick myself in the closet-sized toilet that I had just peed from about an hour ago. And then I cry some more, until Aixah pulls the emergency cord. Yup. Who knows what those ladies thought. Maybe that I was trying to kill myself, the Toddler and the un-born child.

I call for a cab and cry behind my sunglasses as I wait for the car. Then I cry in the car. The cab drops me off at my house and as soon as he pulls away I realize that I don't have my house keys. BEAUTIFUL. All I want is to get home and REALLY cry and now I'm locked out. So I start walking to my Dad's house and yes, I'm crying the whole time.

As soon as I get to my Dad's house I really let it out. My Dad becomes a complete mess when I cry. It's cute because he tries to get me to laugh at his jokes.

Him: "Don't worry, baby. There are other options."
ME: (wailing) Noooo, pregnancy is a pre-exisiting condition.
Him: Well, what then. Are you going to have the baby outside on the street?"
Me: (Crying louder) YES!
Him: (Laughs) No you're not, baby.

SO yeah, today was not a good day for me.

Day 2 (of knowing I'm preggo) Week 4 of actual pregnancy

And like 245 more days to go.

Aw crap!

I feel super crappy today.

I'm sick and I'm tired and I have heartburn so bad that it may have burned a hole through my esophagus.

So apparently I can still take Benadryl even though I'm pregnant (Thank you, God!), you better believe I'll be buying some at the store today. Now if I could only take a nice, long uninterrupted nap.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I can kiss napping and sleeping goodbye. Newborns cry incessantly, those little buggers.  And I'm growing one...stinkin' parasite.

A parasite who I have begun to think up names for.  Yeah, you heard right.  I have a soft spot for baby #2. I'm still pissed that Victor knocked me up but what can I do about it, right. What's done is done...*sigh.

Oh have I mentioned how thrilled my parents are over the whole pregnancy thing *rolls eyes. My Dad especially. He said, "Well...things could be worse...you could be pregnant with twins."

Thanks a lot Dad, good to know I can count on your support. And my mom was all preaching contraceptives and tons of I told you so's...ugh. 

Anyway, I seriously gave all of my stuff away.  Everything.  Brand new Dr. Brown bottles, all of my maternity clothing, exersaucer, swing, bouncy seat. Would it be wrong to kindly ask for those things back, if they aren't using them, that is?  You know what the sweetest thing is is that my SKs friends who I've known (cyberly) for almost 3 years offered to send my their baby things once I know what I'm having.  The mere thought makes me want to cry.  These girls rock. The other day I wanted rain boots for Aixah and one of the girls sent it to me via postman.  I had it at my doorstep within 2 days.  This is just how they are.  Very giving. 

Anyway, I'm leaving work now.  I really don't want to take the train home during rush hour :(.

Oops I did it again...

I got myself pregnant, that is.

Or rather, Victor and his potent sperm convinced my reluctant egg to start working on baby #2.

How could this happen? Yes, I know that having unprotected sex can lead to a baby but not when you do it right after coming off your period. I just had my last period in Key West, June 12th. Working off a 28 day-cycle I am now 6 days late.  Which shouldn't be worrisome except that yesterday for no apparent reason other than being fat, I was feeling preggers.  So this morning I decided to pee on a stick. And what do you know, call me Fertile-Myrtle why don't you. 

I can't wait to join all the Jewish ladies next summer on Ocean Parkway as I push along my double stroller.

This is NOT good news.

1. I have no job (I'm freelancing)

2. No health insurance

3. No primary Dr.

4. No OBGYN

5. A terrible two-year-old who I am doing an awful job of raising

6. No desire to start raising baby #2

It's a really strange feeling when you sit here knowing that you're pregnant. I keep on looking at my belly as if I expect it to grow before my eyes. Or as if the baby is going to start kicking. Then I think about surgery and I shudder. Morning Sickness, Fatigue, Constipation, Heartburn, swollen feet, mood swings, excessive weight gain, waddling...I don't want to go through that again...waa waa waa.

I just want a social life.  I want to be able to go to the movies to see a premiere or stay out late and drink with friends.

Motherhood is no parade, I'll tell you that.

Morning Rush

I'm in one of my crabby moods and I haven't been keeping track of my cycles so I don't even know if it's the beginning of PMS or if it's just my undiagnosed bi-weekly pissy syndrome kicking into gear.

There's always such a morning rush to get out of the house and get Aixah to the sitter's and then get myself into the office.  Of course, any 6AMer, or anyone with a 9 to 5 job would be appalled at my morning habits.  

My alarm clock goes off at 7:30...every morning...I proceed to hit the snooze button until 8:30, some times 8:45. I get up, tip toe out the room so as not to wake up Miss Foo Foo and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.  This may depend, some times I brush my teeth in the shower to save some time. In between brushing my teeth and showering I turn on the computer. I go back to the bathroom and do my make-up.  I can get dressed in 10 minutes but my make-up takes at least 15 minutes, usually more like 20, although Victor will say that it takes me 45 minutes, he lies.

Just when I'm almost done getting ready I start to wake up Victor, *disclaimer, some times he's already up. Usually Aixah gets up before Victor does which is a huge pain because she starts demanding stuff right away.  She wants her diaper changed asap.  She wants milk.  She wants to be let out of the crib.  She wants to watch cartoons.  It's just a bit exhausting. 

Once Victor wakes up he takes ownership of the bathroom.  It is totally OK for him to be in the bathroom when I am showering or using the potty but it is NOT OK for me to be in the bathroom when he is getting ready in the mornings.  Which is why if we ever leave our apt. we would need two bathrooms for sure (and a walk-in closet ;).

Anyway, today I took car service to the sitter's because I just couldn't wait around for Victor to come out of his 20 min shower when it was already 9 o'clock and when I should be at work by 10. So off I go with Aixah kicking and screaming, literally.  

Aixah looked absolutely ridiculous. First off, she was wearing rain boots.  This was my fault.  It looked grey and dismal in our apt. so I assumed that it was raining. However, when we stepped outside their was not a gray cloud in the sky.  She also had her Dora umbrella.  She had Gap jeans, low-risers that revealed her Huggies diapers and a Victor-made belt from one of his old ties.  Poor thing. 

So the car service was already outside and I'm rushing to put everything into the van and Aixah is completely strolling and taking her sweet time and then to make me look like a bad mother because I'm rushing her she falls off the first step of the lobby right in front of all the old ladies that absolutely adore her. So I walk over to her rather quickly in an attempt to console her. This is all for show because I know she's completely OK.  (I'm not one to suffocate their kid and to rush over to them every time they nick themselves.  Sorry.) Then I shove her into the van and we are finally on our way.

Once we get to the sitter's she doesn't want to walk into the building. Give me a break.  We do this every day for the past two-years.  Just walk through the door so that I can get my butt to work. So again I shove her through the sitter's apt. and run back to the van (I take it over to the train station) and when I look Aixah is giving me such a sad face that it absolutely breaks my heart.  I'm only leaving her for a few hours but by the look on her face you would think that I had abandoned her on the door step.

The look was something like this:

My Friday Off

I'm a dork.
I put the movie Finding Nemo for Aixah today and sadly, I was more excited to watch it than she was. I put her to bed at 10:30--late, I know, and continued to watch the movie. I cried in like three different parts...when the father finds Nemo and thinks that he's dead, when Dori tells Nemo's dad that she has found her home with him, when we think that Nemo is dead, again, and (wait, that's four times) in the very last scene when Nemo rushes back to give his Dad a hug and say, I love you. Lol, who knew that movie nights could be so much fun *glances over at Victor who is asleep on the couch.

I just finished taking a shower and washing my hair and am all freshened up. I was all excited too because we have new shaving cream, new razor blades, anti-frizz spray that I'm dying to try out and electric toothbrushes--tell me that you don't get excited when you have new toys to try out!

Besides new toiletries I also went shopping today for our three-day convention next weekend (we're going away to PA). I'm happy with everything I bought. I got new shoes too. Another black pair. (To Victor)Before you go yelling at me...the reason that I bought another pair of black shoes is because these are actually comfortable and they have the perfect insole for people with sweaty feet like me; gross, I know. Besides that Nine West had excellent sales AND I still have 14 days to get another pair of shoes at 50% off. How's that for a bargain?

You can always tell when I go shopping because I get that happy buzz. Victor was like, 'OK, how much did you spend?' Hahaha....And I still need to buy a few more things.

Aha! Aixah the Trickster

As for her dinner, the one that was flying in the air just ten minutes ago...she brings me over her empty bowl and says, "Se acabo." Translation: "It finished." Full sentence translation: "Look, mom, I ate all my food. All done."

I know she didn't eat the chicken. So I look for it on the couch and on the floor. Nothing there. Do you know where this little bugger stashed her food? Inside the empty goldfish cracker bag. Lol. What a trip and a half.

I'll stop eating the day I die

I am a pig.

I just ate an entire bag of flavor blasted, extreme cheddar, goldfish crackers. Granted, Aixah had a handful of fishes. But I had the whole bag. Not to mention that I have buffalo wings in the oven. Oh why oh why wasn't I granted the anorexic gene. Not to make fun of people who suffer from that, but still. I have no problem not fitting into my clothing. I'm knocking things over with my hips. Today I almost knocked over Bossman's bookcase with a buttcheek. I couldn't even look at him after that because after all the fat jokes I knew, I just knew what he was thinking.

Things at work have picked up, alot. I've actually taken the lead as Project Manager and think that I'm doing a pretty decent job of distributing work and answering questions. It's a Texas Math project, 5 Grades, Student Edition and Teacher's Edition. Right now I've had 8 people asking me a gazillion question every two minutes. You can only imagine how annoying this is as it has cut into my blogging, fan-fiction writing, facebook and She Knows time. Still, it looks like I may have steady work for at least 3 weeks, possibly more. This might mean another camera lens. Victor even told me to check out the prices on telephoto lenses. Speaking of which, I don't think I've mentioned today how much I love my new camera. I can't take a bad photo, lol. Well, technically I can, but I try real hard not to.

Look at these most recents that I took with the 50mm:

Cute Kids, right? Of course I had to throw in a goofy one of my daughter.

OK, off to perform my mommy duties. Aixah is throwing her food in the air, *sigh.

Oh for crying out loud!

Things have been getting a little ridiculous at work. And it all has to do with money.

There's this thing with the AC, for instance. We have one of those basic AC units like the one you might have in your living room.  Except that we use ours to cool up the office.  It isn't enough though. You still feel hot and muggy. Besides that, bosslady gets chilly every two hours and shuts off the AC for half an hour.  I know she's not cold.  It's impossible.  So I am assuming that she just wants to save on the electric bill. 

Within that half hour the office starts to feel like a furnace. She also wants the door closed at all times, so you can forget about air circulation.

I don't know if people are afraid of being fired or what or maybe I'm pre-menopausal, but no one will say anything about the AC. I'm the only one that complains about how hot it gets. Yesterday I was sweating so much that my hands were getting stuck on our magazine pages.  My feet were sweating so badly that I could barely walk in my flip flops.  Finally having had enough I asked if I could turn on the AC. Do you know what the temperature was like in the office???  84 degrees! For Pete's sake, I'll pay your ConEd bill; just leave the AC alone.  I even offered to give Bosslady my sweater, seriously. 

Besides that there's the supplies issue.  Did you know that they didn't want to buy labels so we had to type up labels on Word and print out the sheet and cut and paste them to every page, of every textbook, for 5 Grades? And then we didn't have enough scissors, so we had to share three scissors between the 7 of us...oh jeez.

Days like these I miss the Astoria office.  I miss my desk in front of the window, I miss the cold summers inside the office, and I miss our unlimited supplies, as well as my order-whatever-you-need pass from Staples. (I use to order all those expensive pens...*sigh). And even though it has nothing to do with this post, I miss my Cuban coffee =).