Rambling in all kind of tangents...

I believe I'm starting to fall off of that high I've been riding for the past few days. It always happens this way. I'll be full of energy and all this love and then the next few days I'm in this huge funk and everything offends me and I can do nothing right, and oh yes, I hate skinny people. But right now I'm in between moods. I'm not skippidy doing but I'm also not ready to smack any one, just yet. I wish I could just be stable. Funny thing is that a lot of my friends think I'm this happy go lucky person, Mrs. Brightside, which I can be, but I don't think it necessarily describes me as a person. I'm pretty grumpy most of the time.

My co-worker texted me yesterday from work (I was home). She writes, "I'm having a winter ale at Cafe Bar. Thinking of you." I don't think there are many people that I know having a beer during their afternoon lunch break that are thinking of me. So this really touches me. Of course, she may just be thinking of me because she knows I like the chilled Winter Ale's from Cafe Bar, but that's OK, she is thinking of me and that's all that matters.

I'm having a swell time reading this chick lit by Sophie Kinsella, THE UNDOMESTICATED GODDESS. In fact, I can relate to Samantha who is domesticlly impaired, much like myself. It is a LOL read. And it really works out for my current mood. I need something silly. That ATONEMENT just wasn't working for me.

My God Aixah is so whiny today. I put both of her blankie's to wash and all she can do is tap me and ask for her 'mimir.' Totally my fault for washing both of them so close to her naptime. I really wish these kids came with a mute button.

My body has been craving raw fish all week, it's crazy!  

The things is 

1. I'm allergic to avocados

and 

2. I get horrible stomach cramps after I eat sushi

But whatever, it makes me happy.  And the allergies aren't so bad where my throat closes up and I stop breathing it's just more uncomfortable than anything else.

But enough about food.

The office is bustling today.  We have this big project that we are working on and a few of our freelancers were called in for a meeting today.  One of the freelancers is a really good friend of mine and my manicure/pedicure partner back in Astoria as well as a boricua.  I have missed her.  She's sitting across from me now which is exciting.  Some times I'm here the whole day and I don't speak a word to anyone.  I think that's why I send so many e-mails to my friends.

The weather is beautiful today, 55 and sunny.  When I walked outside for lunch I was listening to, "I'm Walking On Sunshine," ooh...ooh...and don't it feel good! What a fabulous day!

I don't love curry

This is the second time I buy something with curry and I just have to say...I can't do it.  Not only does it not have a pleasant taste but it stinks!  I had to run to the bathroom after I finished eating and go wash my hands.  As I'm walking out of the restroom I smell my hands and eew, they still stink.  I make a u-turn and go back into the restroom and scrub, scrub, scrub.  A guy totally saw me smelling my hands.  I wonder what he was thinking?  

Two, three washes and that curry smell just lingers.  I'm back at my seat and I'm wiping the table with clorox wipes, then I wipe my hands with it.  This has to work, right?  Nope.  Now my hands still smell like curry but now they have a slight hint of lemon.  

Is this stuff toxic?  

As an aside, there was one of those notes floating around on FB.  This one was a  BBC Booklist. It said that the average person had only read 6 out of the 100 number of books on the list.  So I read through and I have only read 31 books!  What is this, I say?  It can't be.  I consider myself a literate person.  My major in College was English and at one point I had 3 lit classes in one semester.  That has to count for something!  Except that, obviously, I have not been reading what these BBC members consider to be worthy novellas.  So I have decided to begin reading from this list.  I choose ATONEMENT because the preview of the movie is very familiar to me and because I love a good romance.  But it's just not working.  I am at Chapter 5 and it is like homework to read this.  The main character, Briony...I just can't sympathize with her.  She's this 13 year-old brat that I just want to drown her in that fountain that Ian McEwan spent two and a half pages describing in rich detail.  I think I should go for a lighter read.  Maybe something like BRIDGET JONE'S DIARY.

I don't think I'll ever work again

I don't really want to admit it but...I think I am starting to like this SAHM business. Of course, Aixah has been on her best behavior, so that helps. Yesterday we bought her a little doll with a baby bottle and Aixah just loves it. She spends a lot of time feeding the baby, it's really sweet. Right nowshe is sitting on the floor with her notebook and writing, 'mami' and 'Aixah'.She only 21 months, so she's not really writing as much as she is scribbling, but the fact that she can remain still and focused for more than 15 minutes is amazing!

Yesterday, thanks to my lovely husband, we took Aixah to the park. She had so much fun! The only thing is that you have to keep an eye on her because she likes to push the kids out of her way. One little girl tried grabbing at Aixah's zipper and Aixah flipped out, it was pretty funny.
I've also been able to spend more time with Victor. Which is always a treat, somewhat. And I also love that I can go to bed late and then sleep in in the AM.

Victor and I have been talking about joining a Gym. The gym we want to join has free babysitting as well, so we wouldn't have to worry about who would watch Aixah while we went to the Gym. As it is, right now we can't find some one to watch Aixah half the time. Like today, we were invited to a wine tasting but I won't be able to go because my mother refuses to watch Aixah. I was also invited to have coffee in the city but I'm not dragging Aixah with me to Manhattan during rush hour. Especially not on the L train.

I ain't missing it

Work, that is. *sarcasm
It's only day 2 and I am already climbing the walls. I haven't left the house since Sunday and I don't think I may ever leave it. It's me and a sick, whiny baby. I'm pretty sick and whiny myself. And I miss going to work :(. How pathetic is that? Only day 2?!!! Geez, what a horrible mom. Some people would jump at the opportunity to be in my shoes.

At least I managed to wiggle out of my sweatpants today. Tomorrow I may need to attempt to put on a bra before my breasts begin to sag.

I've been checking work e-mail to see if bosslady writes to me. They said that we should be called in as freelancers for a small project starting next week. Please call me before I go insane.
Also, all the freelancers (all of us broke people) want to meet up for coffee (because that's all we can afford) in the city on Friday. I'll have to see if I'll be in the mood to leave my apartment.

At least I'm over my phone, right?

Sprint Blackberry pearl 8130 only 125 must sell clean esn - $125 (brooklyn)

Last night I dreamt that my purse was stolen on the train.  What is the recurring theme here? Something being stolen from me.  So yes, I am still obsessing over my disappearing phone.  And more so now, after I saw an ad on craigslist where some one was selling a (my) Sprint Blackberry Pearl 8130 for $125 dollars, no charger (because they lost it, yeah right!).  So I write to them and then I have a friend of a friends write to them and guess what?  They deleted their post.  

I'd like to think that I am intimidating the thief, but in reality he is probably just laughing at me, again.  

I was willing to buy the phone back from them, I don't understand why he has to hide...ugh...

Just give me my phone back before I hurt you...I have been delving into my subconscious and I think I may know what this thug looks like.  

I have not left my house since Thursday.

But I refused to sit around and feel sorry for myself. So I began a 24 hour project of de-cluttering the closets. And it felt good and guess what? I stopped thinking about how pitiful things have suddenly become. I think when you are able to move around your apartment without stepping on something or tripping over a toy or sitting on a sharp object you just automatically feel better and even start sleeping better.

Victor wasn't very happy about me throwing away his things, like his College textbooks and his collection of printers from 1990 and his cassette stereo player--that's why I did that when he was sleeping ;). But I think I enjoyed it. (I'm still working on getting rid of that bike that is just sitting in our hallway, I bump into that at least twice every day).

I think I should start a project where I throw out 35 things every day (I think I read that some where online). Of course, the same lady who wrote that mentioned that we should shine our sink every night before going to bed--as if!

I am convinced that Aixah is the smartest, cutest, feistiest little kid I've ever come across. As I'm writing this she is just sprawled across our couch in her monkey pajama set and writing, with a pencil, on a notepad. How old is she? I might add that she's also really fixated on the lifetime movie that I have on. I know she should be watching cartoons but I am so bored with Hi-5. And the TV is really on as background noise, I swear.

I'm back.  

I've given up on working for the rest of the day.  I'm just too stressed out.  How can anyone possibly concentrate on working?  And if there is suddenly so much work why are they getting rid of us come the 15th?

And get this.  They just put me in charge of a new project, today.  Why?  So I can manage it for 5 days?  I don't get it.  I hope they are planning things right and I hope they let us know what is going on.  I hope this doesn't sound like I don't want the job because I do but I want to know what they plan to do with us.  This is so frustrating.

I'm trying to keep my cool but I am having a complete meltdown at work.  MELTDOWN Central...I can not stop crying.  I mean, I'm not wailing or anything but I can't stop the tears or my nose from running and I'm sure that the guy sitting in front of me can see me through these transparent partitions.  I am just a pathetic mess.  I was fine one hour ago.  I was joking around with my friends via e-mail and I was busy actually working.  And then I noticed that my cell phone was missing.  Missing...stolen...it ran away...whatever, it's GONE.  And I just have to throw my hands in the air in complete exasperation.  And I know, I just know that some one out there is sitting around all happy and laughing at me because they have my blackberry.  I canceled my service because I am not about to give anyone the satisfaction of making phone calls with my phone.  

OK, this rant is over.  I have to get back to work, like I could actually concentrate.

"The sun will come out tomorrow"

I've started to actively search for jobs.  I haven't actually sent my resume any where (that would be too realistic) but it is updated and ready to go.  I have pretty much notified all of my friends that I will be jobless in two weeks, word of mouth is very important.  I also registered at www.linkedin.com, great networking tool!  And guess who I found there?  Bosslady!  How funny is that.  Oh and a bunch of Professors from Baruch. I already updated my profile and did as much bragging about myself as I could.

I think I'm feeling more confident.  Maybe this is a good thing.  I mean, if this place hadn't kicked me out, who knows for how long I would've been here, not growing.  Something good must come out of this.  Maybe I can catch up on my writing and on my housework.  Spend more time with Aixah and actually learn to cook.  

Things will be OK.  And I mean that for everyone out there without a job or about to lose their job.  We will pull through.

Freaking Out

I'm freaking out!  I just fixed up my resume and the reality of my current situation really hit me. 

I'll be leaving here in less than two weeks.  I will most likely never see any of these people again. I don't mean to be dramatic but it's true.  I had some really good times here.  This was my first real job out of College.  I went through pregnancy here and bouts of nausea.  I brought my baby in for a baby shower and my boss gave Aixah her swing set. I won my first game of RISK ever, here.  Our chocolate cake and beer events...our falafel lunches...my arguments with Bossman...I'm not ready for any of this to be over.  And I don't want their business to fail, not at all.  The mere thought makes me sad.  

My boss asked me how I was feeling, she is such a sweetheart, and I see the sadness reflected in her eyes.  I want to make things better for her.  And I want to keep my job because I am comfortable here.  And it scares me to have to pick up and leave and start over again.