A Second Chance

Sorry, the title is a little dramatic...
So after yesterday I still needed something to wear for next weekends convention...oh, what's a girl to do?
Well, after KH and after brunch and after placing Aixah down for a nap, I ventured into the city by myself (Victor stayed with Aixah). I went to union square and fifth avenue, a shopaholic's haven and this time I remembered to bring my purse.
There's, lets see (off the top of my head): Banana Republic, Gap, Gap Kids, Kenneth Cole, Juicy Couture, Zara, Aldo, H&M, etc., etc., etc.
I spent most of my time in Banana Republic. Two hours and three fitting room trips later I came out with two skirts, 1 blouse, 1 sweater and a very big smile on my face. I stepped into Zara and got two v-neck sweaters for work...just because they were really cheap and because shopping makes me happy...oh, and yes, obviously I need them for work. I stepped into Gap Kids but I wasn't too impressed with their selections. It looked like the moms had already come bustling in and bought off everything in the 12 to 18 month section, boo. But I did get her a few cute pieces and essential, of course! I was pressed for time and so I wasn't able to get Victor anything, but I will get you something, I promise, sweetie ;).

I love the city at night. I can not stress that enough. I can't wait to do this again...hint, hint...

A Shopaholic's Nightmare

Going to the mall and forgetting your *gasp...purse.

Yup, that was me, today. We went all the way to the Queens Center Mall to do some serious shopping for our circuit convention that is next weekend and I forget my friggin purse. I didn't forget the fried noodles that I was going to use to bribe Aixah to behave, I didn't forget my house keys, or my cell phone, or Aixah's stinky blankie but I forget the ch$ ch$ng, ugh.

My eyes got all watery, what a waste of a perfectly decent shopping day AND all the amazing after Christmas sales on top of it all, waa...

I was with my Dad, my Mom and my Aunt and my Dad just kind of rolls his eyes like I left my purse on purpose so that he could buy me something. My mom is looking at me with this sad expression because at this moment I am desperately fishing in my pockets. I come up with two 20s, three singles, and about 4 dollars in quarters. This may be enough to buy a layering tee and some hoisery and a snack at the food court. I really want to cry.

My Aunt is just kind of laughing. She's in her own little world. But then she says, all happy, "well...you can do some window shopping...

Window shopping...WINDOW SHOPPING...lady, are you crazy? I'd rather get a colonoscopy than go window shopping.

And then she mentions...and why people mention this at the most inopportune moment I will never know...do you want to have more kids now, Rubie? That question really drives me up a wall. I always try to reply with something sarcastic, like, No, way, I hate kids, I'm looking to give mine away, interested? Or, nah, I love kids, I may stop at number 6, do you think that's too much, well, how did you manage? Ugh...people, please stop bashing FTM (first time moms) we have feelings too!

Anyway, I call Victor as a last resort, with this crazy idea that maybe he can swoop into the mall and drop off a couple of hundred dollar bills. Apparently, Victor wasn't very excited about swopping any where since he worked all day yesterday and all day today (and is still working, mind you). In fact, he was very insulted by my phone call. Geez, some superhero he is...

So now I'm home, managed to afford a greenish merino wool sweater at Banana Republic and a decent cup of coffee and that is all, sigh.
Guess I'll be wearing that Michael Kors sweater, again, this weekend--boo.

(I'll be sulking now, thank you very much.)

The defiant one

So that whole blanket thing didn't go so well.  Aixah did a lot of crying.  Then she did some middle of the night protesting.  She decided she wanted the lights on in the bedroom.  So she went ahead and turned them on.  And I went to turn the switch off, only to have a very stubborn, angry, defiant, 1.5 year-old turn them back on.  Oh well, defeated I went back to bed.  And so we slept with the ceiling light, very brightly lit, all night.  Whatcha gonna do?

This morning, after retrieving the blanket from downstairs, I handed it over to Aixah.  You should've seen the happiness in this girls eyes.  She grabbed it, shoved two fistfuls in her mouth and proceeded to close her eyes, like she was totally ready for bed.  Boy, I don't even want to think about having to wean her from that.  Anyone up for the task?

Sunday thoughts

Last week we had a party at work. A little get together for those that have not visited the new office. My mother has been watching the baby and so I decided to be bad and stay a little late at the party. Late as in leave at 7ish. But I didn't mention this to my mom because I knew she would tell me to come straight home and pick up my daughter and I just wanted to have me time, no baby, just me. I got a little buzzed which is always fun because I giggle a lot and get all happy and I don't do it all the time, you know. peace, love and rock and roll.

I got in at 8 to pick up A. and all of my family was there visiting and a very angry mother who I proceeded to hug and pat her head, I think, lol. She kicked me out right away and didn't even offer me dinner, which was fine because I was in..you guessed it--the best mood ever!

That was Thursday. And then Friday it snowed. Beautiful, I absolutely love the snow when it first falls on the ground. It's the kid in me that gets so excited. I was secretly hoping to get snowed in. When I left work, at about 6, it had stopped snowing but the ground was so slippery. I was walking very carefully, wouldn't want to slip and fall, you know. It's not like in the movies where you fall and some goodlooking guy comes to your rescue. Two winters ago I slipped on a patch of ice and fell and all I had was an old Russian lady watching me try to get up and I was PREGNANT! So ladies, please, don't try to break your leg this winter, you'll have better success with match.com.

Let's fast forward to this weekend. Not just this weekend, this very moment. I am listening to Aixah cry her little heart out. She is simply devastated because she doesn't have her blankie, eek. Sure, she has 5 other blankets but not the blanket. Aixah's dependency on that stinky blanket is getting out of hand. That blanket is, as of right now, sitting in a dryer downstairs in the basement. As crazy circumstances go, the super (that jerk), closed the basement on me. So I'm sitting here listening to her cry and wondering if I should put on my ipod to drown the noise. Maybe I should because the screaming is getting louder.
Lets hope that we all get through tonight.
And I guess that tomorrow I should place an order for 3 of those blankets from babies r us.

An update, reflections and a funny aside

I’m in an incredibly good mood today and I don’t know why, but what a nice change from the last couple of days.  You can always tell when I’m in a good mood too; I just can’t stop talking.

I think I need to update my readers (lol, totally full of myself today) on what has been going on.  I’m writing this in a word document because, for some very annoying reason, I can’t access my blog.  I am hoping that this is only temporary because I really need this outlet.

First off I went to KH last night and Aixah was amazing.  But she was amazing because she wasn’t with me (not ideal, but I’ll take it).  She went from one person to another and I was able to listen to the meeting for once.  This is great.  If anyone knows me I have a very short attention span.  If I’m hungry I will think about food, if I’m tired my mind will just start thinking about nonsense, if someone gets up to go to the bathroom I will follow them with my eyes.  It’s an awful habit that I have to break. 

On another note, I met with Bossman yesterday and we did some bonding, which is a little scary considering that his very presence makes me become all defensive and sarcastic.  We met in regards to a presentation that we will be doing today.  My part is quality control—please don’t ask, I’m still trying to figure this out, I only have a few hours left.

So it turns out that Bossman mentions that I am a good writer which is totally strange and random since he hasn’t really seen my writing, well, unless he has been reading my blog (and then I’d have to kill him, lol).  There isn’t much opportunity to be creative in this company but the few times that they have asked me to write something or create something I have done a good job.  Anyway, the fact that he appreciates my writing just makes me open up and I start talking about College and the classes I took and the Professor’s that bored me to tears, etc.  He likes this conversation because he is a Philosophy Professor at Rutgers University.  I tell him that I hated Philosophy.  This conversation continues and soon we are laughing and talking like old friends.  And then he does something that always makes my co-worker and I freak. He flexes his muscle.  He does this all the time but only with me or my female co-worker; slightly disturbing no?  I think about asking him, ‘Why do you always do that thing with your arm?  Is that a twitch or something? Should I be impressed?'  But I think better of it.  We are not that cool.

On another note, I have been dreaming, a lot.  I’ve always been a dreamer and a lucid dreamer at that (you know, those people that wake up in the dream and can control the dream—totally cool and intense).  And don’t worry, I studied that in psychology, it is nothing paranormal, lol.  

Two nights ago I dreamt that all my friends were going on a trip to Belgium but that I wasn’t invited.  The whole dream was just sad and frustrating for me because I wanted to go on this trip and couldn’t understand that my friends didn’t want me to go because I had a kid.  None of my friends have kids. So here I am in this dream, feeling like I'm 10 and isolated and like I have the cooties or something.  Not a good feeling for a just-turned-27-year-old. Or maybe it's frustration from the fact that we can't go on vacation as a family because Victor's business won't permit. 

Then last night I dreamt that I met up with a cyber friend and her son from my pregnancy forum at Grand Central Station.  We went shopping and then we had coffee at a little shop.  It was nice.  And it was, again, a reflection on my social life and…I don’t know…my feeling kinda lonely?  Does that make sense?  It's OK to feel lonely, right?

Sorry, this whole post has been about reflections and more for me than anyone else. But if I can't go into a longwinded rant about myself in my own blog then where can I?

Privacy, at last

So, who knows what the work situation will be like in the next few weeks, but for now, I am loving the cubes and the privacy and space that I have.  Last week Bossman and I were skyping (IM) each other and he called me over to his office for the third time within a two minute period and I rolled my eyes or snickered or both, bottom line is that he was staring right at me (his office is directly across from my desk) and we had no partitions at the time.  Oops!  I tried to change my grimace to a smile real quick but he's not that clueless, you know.  But not anymore. I can take a nap here and no one would ever notice.  If you can call a cubicle cozy then that's the perfect word to describe how I feel right now.  All I need is a pillow and a blanket and someone rubbing my feet and I would be all set.  

I Need a Happy Pill

I have been so down in the dumps. I've been miserable most of the weekend, some of Friday too, I think. I don't think I've mentioned this here before, but Aixah has a horrible infection on her feet, especially her left foot. She is on an oral antibiotic for the next two weeks and a burrow solution if we can ever find it, to help with the oozing. Yes, there is oozing and blood and my poor girl is limping, :(. She doesn't really complain though and it doesn't stop her from doing car wheels and sumersaults, but I am still sad, especially that I let it get so out of hand before actually bringing her to the Dr.

I'm home with her today because of the 'babysitter' issues and because my mother refused to watch her today...how awful is that? But I will be going into work from Tues. to Fri...yup, I'll actually be in the office on Friday, that was Bossman's request.

I took some pics of Aixah's feet, just to compare if they actually get better. I warn you, they are pretty gross. And they actually look worse in person.

Emotional Breakdown or whatever you want to call it

I had a small and brief emotional breakdown last night after KH.  Aixah behaved terribly during the meeting.  She was worse than an animal, no, wait, animals behave better than my daughter did last night.  

We are trying to discipline her to behave, or at least to remain in her chair during meetings and some days are better than others.  But I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, my menstrual cycle being all wacky and a lot longer than it was pre-pregnancy or the fact that I had my mother nagging and nagging and being whiny...it was awful and I just wanted to freeze time and I don't know...maybe tape my mother's mouth shut and tape my daughter to her chair, is that illegal?

I just get really frustrated.  When Aixah makes me lose my patience I just feel all guilty and like this awful incapable mother.  I think I'm stressed out because I will be babysitter-less until Jan., my sitter went to PR this morning and my mother is watching Aixah for this week.  But then for the next two weeks I need to find someone to watch Aixah because my mother won't do it.  Can you believe that?  Since I was 14 my mother watched other people's kids but now she won't watch mine?  I don't want to resent her for this but I do.  At the same time I know that I can't leave Aixah with my mother if I want to keep my sanity.  Do you know what it's like to come home after an 8 hour shift and an hour commute on nyc transit during rush hour and then having your mother complain how...the baby didn't sleep, she was tugging at the curtains, she almost broke her skull on the edge of that glass table, and (this is the one that gets to me) I haven't been able to eat all day...WHAT?  You've got to be kidding me, seriously!

Then my mother does some sort of roll call where she lists all her ailments:

gallbladder stone

facial paralysis

heart palpitations

shortness of breath

some random burn on her finger

the laxatives she hasn't been able to take because she can't use the bathroom while she watches Aixah...

I don't want to sound insensitive but I think my mother likes to exaggerate and it stresses me out.

So anyway, back to last night.  By the end of the meeting I wanted to teleport myself and Aixah back home and just drop her in the crib and close the door.  People were saying hi to me and it was just obvious that I was in the worst mood ever--I hate when I do that.  One sister told me that I had to be patient and to look at her as an example because she had three kids.  This really annoyed me, I hate to say.  It was like the icing on the cake.  I felt my eyes getting watery and I had to look away.  She has three kids, one of which is 16 and takes care of the other two, so please, lets just leave it at that.

I managed to make it to the elevator of the apartment before I burst into tears.  Victor met me in front of the elevator and he was so concerned.  I must have looked like such a mess.  Once we got home Victor took over and put Aixah to bed and she was my little angel child again, saying goodnight and waving.  All of the fits and tantrums and scratching of the face was simply her way of saying, 'mommy, I'm sleepy'--kids have such drastic ways of expressing themselves.

Work Update

I don't know where to begin.  I feel like I abandoned ship.  For one thing, it feels like the recession is finally reaching us.  Last week we had a meeting at work where all 4 employees (yes, we are that small of a company) met with the bosses and were told that we would receive a cut in pay.  We will be getting paid 8 hours less a week.  This is not good.  This is a 20% cut.  How awful.  Better than to be laid off, but still awful, you know?  I cannot lose this job.  We cannot be without insurance.  One of my co-workers already found a weekend job waitressing.  She is living out here on her own, moved from the West Coast two years ago. The cost of living in NYC is ridiculously high, how can you do it without a steady job?  And to go out looking for a job in your field, right now, is just...ridiculously competitive?  Is that even the right word? There are thousands of people on the street looking for work, at this very moment.  So it's basically a matter of getting in line and waiting your turn and settling  for a cut in pay.  Oh well, what can you do?  I will not concern myself with things that have not taken place yet.  But this I will say, I do not want to have to do retail--I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  My customer service skills are poor and people are just, overall, mean.

I do, however, have to watch my spending.  Especially my work week spending.  I have decided to skip the $4 dollar latte and have a .75 cent coffee instead.  Not as luxurious or as good as a latte but it makes me feel better to know that I am saving something.  Victor would be proud and appalled all at the same time.

So this 8 hour cut from work means that I will be completely off on Fridays.  This is good.  I can schedule all of our doctor's appts. for then.  Victor also suggested that I should take driving lessons on Fridays too.  What a great idea!  Can you imagine me, driving?  What a hoot!

 

  

Peter Parker sighting on NYC subway station

I rode on the train with Peter Parker last night.  The pre-spider bite, dorky, pimple stricken, awkward, Peter Parker.  The guy looked just like Tobey Maguire, he had his glasses and he even set his jaw the same way.  It was rush hour and we were sharing the same pole and I basically stared at him for the duration of my ride home.  I wasn't staring in a, 'OMG, I love you, Peter Parker,' kind of way, but more of a fascinated, 'has anyone ever told you that you look just like Peter Parker', kind of way. Anyway, if I'm going to crush on any comic book hero it would have to be, hands-down, Clark Kent.  I've loved him since I was five. 

And the Hi5 obsession continues

It is official. Aixah has taken over the TV. First it started with a few innocent shows of Hi5 while visiting my mother. Aixah learned to ask for Hi5 and we all thought it was so cute. She had this little chant that begged for you to put the show on. Then the cute chant became annoying as heck. She became more insistent and whiny. And then I discovered that they give Hi5 Free on Demand so we didn't need a tape to watch Hi-5, they had free shows OnDemand, yippee!!! Except that now she will not watch or let you watch anything else unless it is Hi5. The show hypnotizes her, seriously. And she knows some of the songs. If you won't put Hi5 for her she brings you the remote or randomly presses buttons on the TV. This girl is a character and a half, I tell you.

This morning she spilled coffee all over our red, suede couch. And it wasn't just a little spill, it was HUGE. Fortunately the coffee wasn't hot. It was my mistake for leaving the mug laying around. But I was busy...Victor bought an XBox yesterday. Hi5 is to Aixah what an XBox is to me. Aixah has me on check though...no playing video games while she is awake, lol. I can't wait for her nap today, teehee.

And her new thing for this month is crossing her arms. She does it with an attitude too, so funny. Poor thing is sick, though. All snotty and congested. It's been a while since she has been this sick, but she is still in good humor--as long as she is watching Hi5.

The project that I was working on is a little slow because of the holidays, so Bossman has begun to train me as a translator/Editor. I was originally hired as an editorial assistant but being how this office is run I was moved to Project Manager real quick. I am actually excited about this "training". I do not like the administrative aspect of project management. So far Bossman says that my translations are not that bad. He says that with more practice I should be as good as his worst translator--hmm, Spanish is not my first language so I am not overly offended. English is not Bossman's first language so I excuse him for his poor manner of explaining my progress. I hope this means a decent raise come next evaluation.

The sitter called Victor today and asked him to pick up Aixah. That she wouldn't stop crying and pointing to her mouth. I'm glad she called him and not me. What do working people do in that situation? When I was sick my mother would pick me up from school. School was three blocks away and she was a stay-at-home-mom. If the sitter were to call me over any emergency I'd have to travel about an hour to reach them. Scary.

The sitter was taking care of a 9-month baby today. A breastfed baby that is overly attached to her mother. The baby does a lot of crying when her mother is not around and she will not eat or take a bottle unless it is coming from the breast. But get this. The mother has a therapist come to the house and teach the baby to eat. She also has another therapist come to the house and play with the baby. This second therapist is actually suppose to teach her to grasp items because the baby has difficulty holding things. Aixah had a great time playing with the second therapist. The baby just cried.

The mother of the baby is a nurse. When Aixah was little she would mention little things, like how she thought Aixah was anemic, or how the walking on the tippy toes thing was the worst thing ever. Sometimes I have to wonder if those well-rounded in the medical field are a little paranoid.

Wedding Dress woes

Yesterday my Aunt asked me to give my cousin my wedding dress for her wedding. My cousin is getting married August of next year. She is getting married in Vieques or rather, she is hosting a ceremony in August as she is already married. I don't know how I feel about this. Lets just say that I wasn't jumping up and down for joy to give it to her.

I have only been married for a little over three years and to give her my wedding dress and have her alterate it and wear it as her own bothers me, a little. I realize that this is quite selfish of me as I have paid no attention to the dress since the day of the wedding. I don't even think I hung the dress up. If I remember correctly I tossed it on the bed and had my mother in law pack it away for me. I was in a rush to get to Maui--you do understand, I hope.

It's just a dress, a piece of fabric, a thousand-dollar Demetrios fabric and the most expensive item, after my engagement ring that I have ever owned...it's not a big deal. Just give my cousin the dress and be happy about it, I tell myself, but in reality, I'm hoping that everyone forgets about the dress. I'm hoping that my cousin gets her own dress and I'm hoping that maybe one day I can fit into that dress again.

So there you have it. I am selfish, I am bitter and I am overweight...ok, I'm off to munch on something fattening...

Playing Hooky

I've started to read this book called, FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON. I bet you've heard of it. It was on my reading list in High School and I decided to skip it then. I came across it yesterday at a very quaint used bookstore by work. I know this book is going to make me sad. And I just don't know why I insist on reading sad books. The book is written in journal entries. The main character, Charlie Gordon, is 'dumb' so the beginning entries are written as follows: I dont remembir so good and I reely tryed to see...and then after the surgery or shall we say, operashaun to make him 'smart,' his entries begin to make sense, he becomes articulate and grammatically correct, and he begins to notice women and to rediscover his past. Algernon is the lab rat that was experimented on first. So whatever happens to Algernon will, in fact, happen to Charly...and I already know what happens to Algernon...

I renewed my permit today. I was nervous about having to take the written test, I don't know why. I mean, I don't drive but I do know what a STOP sign is or that drinking coffee will not reduce your blood alcohol content. It is all common sense, that is why I will not mention that I got 5 out of 20 questions wrong...one of which was, 'What does a NO STANDING sign mean,' oops...ok, I said it...F.I.V.E. questions wrong--yikes! But in all fairness, some of the people there looked like they should not be given permit priviledges...EVER.

I had a new picture taken. Paid $20 extra dollars for that, too! But I figured I look better now than I did 6 years ago--I think, right? Do they photoshop those pics? I think I had a little glare on my nose and forehead.

I was also able to spend a good portion of the day with Victor. We had lunch at Applebees and stuffed our faces--I LOVE me some buffalo wings--and came back home to celebrate our alone time ;). And now I'm off to pick up Aixah from the sitter. I'm hesitant to leave the house cuz it is so warm in here and so cold OUT THERE...brr...

It has been a very productive day and I am in a good mood.
TGIF!

Manhands

People freak me out on the train. Today I saw a lady with manhands. Yes, you read correctly, manhands. I had to look at her twice to make sure she was indeed a woman and not a she-man. Then she did the grosses thing imaginable (I’m a little neurotic) she started filing the nails of her manhands. I was so concerned over the cup of coffee I had in my lap and whether any of those dust particles from her manhands would fall in (puke!). I wanted to scream…STOP Filing your nails on the train…You are FREAKING me out LADY!

Anyway, I don’t really like this new train I am taking to get into the new office. It is a little abandoned and a lot dirty. There are so many seats that no one can sit on cuz they are so disgusting. The line that I was taking before was always immaculate (as immaculate as anything in the underground subway system can be) and we had some of the newer trains too! You know, the ones that have the recording of a pleasant voice telling you the time and temperature, what the next stop is, and to have a great day…I miss that. Instead we have some guy hacking over the loudspeaker, ‘Stand clear of the closing doors, people.’

I’ve been very fidgety, again, today. Bosslady is in her new office but Bossman is still sitting right behind me. He hasn’t ordered his desk yet. I’ll give him my desk and sit on a fold-out table if it means not having him so close.

Just to kill time, I messed around with my desktop settings for over an hour. I settled for this wallpaper...

Is it in a Seinfeld episode where Georege Costanza sharpens pencils for eight hours at his new office because he has nothing to do? That’s how restless I feel. And I wouldn’t put it past Bossman to ask me to sharpen his pencils (I apologize if that sounds dirty; it’s not suppose to).

First Day at the new Office

It’s funny, cuz it’s my first day in the new office.       This is a very chic neighborhood so I try to play the part. I dress in a black Michael Kors sweater and I wear my most expensive denim. Victor drove me to work this morning and I made it just in time, 10 minutes to 10.
‘Here I am, world’, I try to say, as I walk into X Jay Street. I’m holding my hat in one hand and my handbag and cup of coffee in another. I have this stance that could knock anyone off the runway, or so I think. Except that I trip (but, of course) as I’m walking out of the elevator and I spill coffee all over my bag and coat…very uncool.

My self-esteem hits rock bottom fast. My stance is gone. And I am dripping coffee.
It is my first day of high school all over again. I can’t even find our suite. I have to call Bossman for instructions, except that he doesn’t know the room number; why am I not surprised.

For some reason I am jittery the whole day. I don’t know if it is being this close together with everyone, or the fact that we don’t have partitions or the fact that Bossman is sitting right behind me and I can’t surf the web (withdrawal symptoms…possibly?) because my computer screen is facing him.

I have lunch with a co-worker at this place called Rebar. We have chicken skewers and we share a bucket of chips. Their peanut sauce is amazing. I almost bite the waiter’s hand off when he tries to take it away. That makes me nervous too—when you are still eating and the waiter is clearing the table.

All in all, I like it here. I can’t wait till we get our furniture. And I can’t wait ‘till Bossman’s office is complete. Oh…and the partitions too. I hate seeing everyone’s faces or feeling as if I am being watched. I miss my privacy.

And to end the weekend...

A nice, big jug of hot cocoa. And none of this Nestle Quick crap. This is the real deal. This is chocolate cortes, mmm.
There is nothing like hot cocoa and a good book on a sunday night. Or hot cocoa, cuddling with your mate and watching a good movie once the baby is in BED--yipee!!!

Baby Sitter-less

My sitter may have to take an emergency trip to Puerto Rico, her father is gravely ill. This means that my mother will be taking care of Aixah for the time being. I don't want to start bashing my mother, cuz she is really great with the baby, but she also has this habit of annoying me. When it comes to my daughter I never do anything right. I don't give her enough milk, I give her too much water, her milk isn't warm enough, etc....you get the point...and this is on-going. She'll discuss that one issue for about an hour, she'll include examples and illustrations and there is always some current news issue that she includes just because. She'll ask if you are listening to her in between breaths. She is never wrong either. And if she is caught being wrong, it's not that she is wrong, it's that she was misunderstood.

I expect to hear how tired she is all this week. I hope Aixah doesn't give her a nervous breakdown. My mother got Bell's Palsy about a year ago and we all joked that it was the stress brought upon from a terrible-three-year-old cousin she takes care of (terrible, un-ruly, undisciplined, evil...lol).

The thing about my mother is that she is too good with the kids. I don't even think she eats or uses the bathroom, for that matter, when she is babysitting. At the sitter's house Aixah always comes back with bruises and I just shrug, bumps and accidents will happen...NOT on my mother's shift. This is the lady that would not let my knees brush against the pavement when I was riding my bike. Honestly, one time she slid across the pavement in order to keep my bike upright; I was learning to ride a bike without the training wheels and at one point I got nervous and took both feet off the pedals.

She is overprotective in an insane type of way.

Reflections

Office Space

Here was my executive suite:















And here it is after I finished packing. Doesn't that wall look sad?

And this is why I am not stay-at-home-mom material

Today I could've taken full advantage of the state's safe haven law and dropped her off at the nearest Police Precinct. What am I going to do with my daughter? She is misbehaving so badly. She has anger managemente issues and tantrums in stores and restaurants. She has taken to hitting now. And if she can't reach me to hit me then she will try to hit whatever is in her reach, like the couch armrest. I have tried pinning her arms down or hitting her hand and saying, "Don't hit." But she is so unfazed. I really dislike unruly children. I know many unruly children and I always blame the parents. So now I am in this situation where I am constantly disciplining or nagging because I don't want my daughter to be labeled as unruly. I want people to like my daughter. Does this make sense? When I was growing up I was always the 'good girl' (still am, btw) and my cousin, three years older, was the 'unruly' one. She was the one that no one ever wanted to babysit. And it was so obvious, peoples distaste for her and her mother, for that matter. How sad is that?

In all fairness, the entire day wasn't that bad. She had her moments when she was cute. Like how she tries to dress herself. She is pretty good. She can get one of her feet through one pant leg but then she'll put the other leg in the same side. She has a favorite show too. It's Hi-5 and she says Hi-5 as soon as the TV goes on. She'll say it over and over and over again. And I have seen her stand in the living room, unblinking, for about 45 minutes. Isn't that amazing!

Good news...my parents bought her a convertible car seat. We got the Triumph Advance in black ice. It is very nice and it looks so comfortable. No fair, I wish I could sit in that thing. I may bring it into the fire department to see if it was installed correctly, but it'll have to be on Aixah's good day--I wouldn't want to accidentally drop her off and make a run for it, you know?

Rant Rant Rant

Have I said that this working from home thing sucks! And not because of Aixah because she has been a doll.
Let me just begin by saying that I didn't have breakfast until 1:45 PM. Those who know me know that I take my breakfast (and lunch and dinner) very seriously. But there was just no time to take a break --not even a potty break--from all the e-mail exchanges and work distribution. Our deadlines are irrational and all Bossman can say is, "well, I guess we'll have to do it." By "we'll have to do" he means everyone else working around the clock and through the weekend. Not him. In fact, he's out having drinks at this very moment. Everyone who had the opportunity to go into the new office was there--cuz I could (unfortunately) hear them while speaking to Bossman on the phone--and they were having a party. And I'm stuck here with a sheep-load of work. I'm really upset.

And before then I had called to ask Bossman if I could meet him later today to pick up my paycheck (I don't have direct deposit). He says, 'do you need it today?' Um...HELLO...if I'm calling it's cuz I need it, right? Who doesn't want to get their money by the weekend (...it's not like I need it to go shopping I need it to pay my bills).

Anyway, I'm so put off by this whole situation. And I feel guilty for not paying any attention to my daughter. I'd prefer if she were with the sitter or with my mother, at least then I'd know that she was getting sufficient amount of attention. All I'm doing is saying No and don't do that, don't do this...nag nag nag

Seating Arrangements

This is going to be a big deal when we move into the new office.
Right now, I have the executive suite, sorta speak. Big space, window, privacy. I love it here. However, there things will be different. No one person is going to have a window. But there is the "better" place to sit...like near the window...and then there is the sucky place to sit, like in back of someone else that is near the window.

Now, I don't want to start anything, but I want to be near the window. Three of us have been here the longest. Two people have not. So I always thought that us three would fight for or flip a coin at the new office. However, a certain someone from Group #2 has the bright idea that we all raffle for the seats that we want. And, of course, everyone wants the seat that I want. I am not liking this at all. I also don't like this guy. He thinks he is so great. Yesterday at a meeting he mentioned that the company should have him cloned that way he could be in two places at once.

I think that some people should not be cloned.

Bossman is the most clueless person I know. Sometimes I wonder if he is playing dumb. Like how he doesn’t know how to send a fax or use a measuring tape. Like, ‘do you really not know how to send a Fax, or would you just like me to do it for you?’ Just tell me, don’t act dumb!
He’s always busy too! Fluttering this way and that way. Holding meetings every other hour. Last month he was so busy that he asked me if I could be so kind as to buy him coffee at the supermarket. He didn’t ask me the question directly or even indirectly, for that matter.

He said (and these were his exact words), “R., do you enjoy going to the supermarket?” It was this totally random question and I’m like, where is he going with this? Does anyone really enjoy going to the supermarket? Like, is it pleasurable?
“I go when I have to,” I answered.
He pauses, like he usually does when I say something he doesn’t like. I fill in the silence, “Would you like me to get you something from the supermarket?” What I really want to get him is a Don’t Beat Around the Bush for Dummies guide and a Why I am not your personal assistant book—but then I think I might get in trouble.

Apparently Bossman was pretty busy counting calories that day. I think he goes to calorieking.com or something. He is the only man I know that counts calories and is so open about it too.

So, get this. Bossman will be doing the final revisions for this project that we are working on.
Now, I have to be very specific when I give him instructions to do something, very, very specific and simple and basically hold his hand during the whole process. So what do I do? I send him an email. A very thorough—yet simple—e-mail of where he can find the files, etc. I even attach a picture of where the files are located. If this were anyone’s first day working with us, they would’ve found the files, no problem. But not Bossman, Bossman needed me to go over to his desk and point out the files. Poor guy!

But who am I to poke fun at him. I was the one fighting with a box yesterday.

Fighting with the Box

Ugh...today is going to be a long day.

This is it, two more days before the move.  The bosses didn't want to spend the extra $$$ on having the movers pack for us, so guess who gets to do it?  Me!  Well, not just me, obviously, the whole team.  They also didn't want to spend the extra $$$ on the special, easy-to-handle containers that the movers provide so we got cardboard boxes instead.  Boxes that come with installation instructions.  The flaps are labeled A, B, C, D...all the way to H...and I must be totally out of it today because the box has got me beat.  I swear it's laughing at me.  Why can't I put the darn box together?

Making Faces

My happy baby and her bunny.

Walking to the sitter's house this morning.

Why you should never cut Victor in line...

Victor didn't get back home on Friday until almost 1 AM. I was just about to go to bed but he asked me to wait for him. So like the good wife that I am I did (ok, I can totally see Victor rolling his eyes at that comment, ha).

He gets home and is acting strange, like hiding his face from me. I don't think anything of it, Victor is just weird like that. But then, when he comes out of the bathroom I notice something out of place. He has like a glob of vaseline on the left side of his face. First I think he's being funny. I always put a thick layer of vaseline on my lips before going to bed, so I thought he was just making fun of me. But then, when I look again, I see that he has stitches on his face. Where in the heck is that from?

He tells me he was in a fight over an argument that started with a man that cut in line at a restaurant (one of those hole in the wall places that serves food outside). This was about 8PM, in the Bronx, of all places (I hate the Bronx).I don't know what words were exchanged between them two, but the other guy had been drinking and when he got too close to him Victor told him to step away that his breath stank. He said, "Oye bro, echate pa ya que te apesta la boca." I guess the other guy was severely offended by this because he decided to make the argument physical and swing at him. Victor was not in a defensive position, he had no idea that the guy was going to attack him. The punch landed smack on his face. After that they fought. Finally Victor managed to grab him with one hand and call the cops with the other. The guy was with a friend and kept on asking the friend to jump in and help but Victor warned the other guy not to get involved. And he didn't (smart man). The cops came right away, like 4 police cars and arrested the other guy. Victor went to the precinct, filled out a complaint and then went to the hospital. He got 6 stiches on the outside of his lip and 2 on in the inside. Ouch!

My first reaction when I saw him was that he looked like the Joker. I was really upset. I'm surprised I was able to maintain my cool and not start crying or screaming when I saw him. But I think it was because he was in such uplifting spirits and making "you should see the other guy" jokes.

Yesterday he showed up at court. Turns out that that tough guy who decided to cut in line for some lechon and batatas and take a swing at my husband was in the hospital with a broken arm and a broken wrist. I have to say, I take secret pleasure from knowing this.

I have to add--and this really cracks me up--after Victor got the stitches at the hospital, you would think he would've come straight home, right? Nope. He went back to that restaurant and ordered batata frita con longaniza. He says he was just looking for his watch that got lost in the brawl.  But I think the poor guy was just hungry.

Weekend Overview

Well...another weekend has come and gone. With Daylight Savings and the day getting dark at like 4 o'clock...it just seems like Saturday and Sunday slip by so quickly. I don't mind going back to work tomorrow, I just mind the having to get out of bed earlier than usual, the getting dressed and ready, getting Aixah dressed and ready and going to the sitter's house. It really is a drag lately, especially since I have been making it into work later and later. Good news is that we move end of this week, so my commute will be half an hour less, yay.

An overview of this weekend:
Saturday it was raining, a lot. I took Aixah to the Dr. for her second flu vaccine. She is now 21 lbs. and 6 ounces and 33.5" long (so she's heavier but not any taller, hmm). She was hysterical for most of the visit until the very end. Once she had her coat on she was waving bye. Then we went to my mother's house where my Dad (I am such a daddy's girl) made me his delicious egg sandwich (God, I could really go for that like right now). Later I went to a friend's house and got my eyebrows waxed and my hair done (just a trim and a blow dry). I did some Guitar Hero vocals, I put the settings at beginner and got a You Rock after every turn; it helped add to my self esteem boost. I left looking and feeling fabulous ;).

Sunday I left Aixah with Victor and went to meeting early in the morning and then came back home. It was such a beautiful day though--sunny at last--and although I really wanted to go out, like to the park or something, I was just too tired and decided to take full advantage of Aixah napping and nap myself. I think that flu shot really knocked out Aixah, cuz she basically slept all day today.

Victor called today "Family Night", which was kind of cute, especially since he brought back Nathan's and some movies. OK...so what I really wanted was to go out to eat at Olive Garden and go to the theatre, but I guess hotdogs and bootlegged movies are OK too, no?

Video of Aixah saying, 'I Love You'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVM4vlTebc0

I want to be able to come back here 13 years from now, after Aixah has told me those four words that every mother dreads, 'Mom, I hate you!', and be able to listen to this and remember, yes, she was young once and I was her everything.

Untitled Post about Bossman

What a long work-from-home Friday. I can not wait until 6:00 PM comes so that I can log off of Skype and close my webmail.

Why can't Fridays ever be easy? The client sent us 9 new Chapers to translate and she can do nothing about moving our deadlines, so we are basically screwed, what else is new? I was sending out e-mails before my morning coffee. I had three conference calls with Bossman. My fingers hurt from typing up so many e-mails (notice how I won't complain about my fingers hurting from posting on SK or FB, lol).

Aixah was on her best behavior, though. As long as she was fed and changed she was happy. She basically self-entertained herself. And she wasn't even crabby, even though her first nap wasn't 3 hours long as usual. She's napping now, or at least she should be napping--I hear her playing quietly, awe.


On another note, I really have low tolerance for Bossman. He is really nice, always says 'please' and 'thank you' and 'if you could' but there's just something about him...I can't explain. But it's almost like we are related. Like he's my father. When he asks me to do something it's almost as if my father were asking me to do a chore. I do it, but I kind of make sure that he knows that I'm not too happy about it or that I don't agree. How awful of me, no? We are in an economic crisis. Thousands of people have lost their jobs. It's scary times. I should really be kissing some booty...or at least pretend to get along with him.

Can you believe that he asked me to check e-mails this weekend (gasp)..."If you could...please and thank you." Um...NO. NO WAY! I'm going away for the weekend and there is no wifi. OK, so I'm really NOT going away for the weekend, but that's not his business, right? I didn't say that. I said, "Sure, no problem. Sounds good to me." That's my phrase now, "sounds good to me," even when it doesn't sound good to me. I say it to Victor all the time.

I think I need a new phrase. Something more assertive, something like, "Sure, I can check e-mails, during my only two days of rest and relaxation. Not a problem, it sounds [insert the word of your liking here] great!"

The Bedtime Blues

So I took my poor daughter to the sitter this morning without her blankie. Yikes! Poor sitter and poor baby. My daughter will not nap without her blankie. She needs to suck on it to fall asleep. My sitter was beyond herself. She even gave Aixah a towel to suck on, hahaha. Then when I went to pick her up this evening I brought her to my mother's house, which is what I usually do on Thursdays since Victor gets home so late (see, it's 10 PM and he's not home yet), and there was no blankie at my mother's house either. So my poor daughter was exhausted and crabby because she hasn't slept, but she was such a sport, she didn't throw any major fits. But as soon as we got home and she saw her crib...OMG, she was so excited. There were all her blankets, about four of them. She dove head first into her crib and stuffed as much fabric as she could into her mouth. She is so content. She didn't even protest when I walked out of the bedroom. You want to know what the cutest thing is? Just a little while ago she called out to me, and in the cutest little voice she said, Good Niiii

I love to hear her speak. I'm working on teaching her to say, "I love you." She says, I dido a. I know, sounds nothing like I love you, but it's funny, cuz she'll imitate the way I say it and she moves her head emphatically as she says it and then smiles, like she understands what is being said. I'll post a video of this as soon as I can.

And just to make sure that everyone gets a good laugh, Aixah decided to try on a bra.

At first she wasn't sure what to do with it. She wore it like a hat. She wore it like a purse. And then she finally settled for wearing it across her chest. Funny, girl.

Well, tomorrow is my day with her. All day, sigh. We'll see if I'll be speaking as lovingly about her as I am now. I also have a conference call tomorrow with my supervisor and the editors from the proj--of course the call couldn't wait until Monday morning when I'm actually in the office. Nope, that would be too easy. I just hope that Aixah is napping by the time Bossman calls, ugh.

Good Coffee Makes for a Good Day

There is nothing like starting your morning with a strong, extra large cup, of cuban coffee and a ham and cheese cuban sandwich, mmm.

There's also nothing better than knowing that both supervisors will be out of the office today AND that tomorrow is Friday, which means that you (I mean me) work from home.

Can you tell that I am in the best mood ever?

Besides that one stinky man that rode next to me during a good portion of my trip, my commute went smoothly.  I managed to get into the office before 10:30 and my inbox only had three new messages.  One of which was a joke from a friend about how swallowing chewing gum can be a health hazard.

I predict that today will be a boring day.  I predict that there will be no project crisis and that the client will not send us any new materials until Monday.  I also predict that the rain will stop by the time I have to go home and that I will find $20 dollars on the street :).

My latest obsession

Wall decor, framed art to be exact. Our walls are so bare and I just want to make things homier here, especially since it looks like we will be here for another year, at least--if we don't move to Arizona before then (proceeds to roll eyes).

I really want this piece, by Gregory Williams:

Good news is that Victor likes it. The bad news is that he said we have to wait. So for now I will be happy just to keep it in my shopping cart.

Nicely enough, in between all the trashing, my supervisor gave me a print that they were planning on leaving behind during the move. Look at how much more inviting our loveseat area looks.

OK, well, I'm in a chatty mood but Victor really needs to use the computer (we really need a second computer...this time a MAC ;) so I'ves gots to go

The Morning After

So...nothing went terribly wrong this morning, as I had expected. My commute was quiet and just a regular morning--people listening to their IPods and texting away, others sleeping (Yeah, that one was definitely me)--I'm so glad for this. Victor had wanted me to take the day off and stay home, but, of course I can't just take the day off, simply because.

I had an awful feeling this morning. Like that feeling people got after 9/11.  I remember riding on the trains after 9/11, I don't remember the particular feelings I had, but I do remem

ber that one train conductor who thought it would be funny to announce that he was Osama Bin Laden through the loud speaker. I kid you not!  I don't know how this guy got away with that, or if he was reported and lost his job. But I remember that he said, "Hi, this is Osama Bin Laden and I am taking over this train." Then he laughed, I think.  A few people walked off the train, but I was one of the stubborn ones that decided to stay.  I only had two stops left and I refused to be paranoid or be taunted by this train conductor. Who knows what I was thinking at that very moment. I think if that happened today I would get off the train, no second thoughts. I'm older now, seven years older, and I realize, now more than ever, that this world is full of crazies.

And why, I would like to know, am I receiving e-mails saying, "Congratulations, we 

won!" Please don't include me in any of this political stuff. I refuse to become a part of any movement, even if it means standing alone. And now I will bite my tongue and say no more.

Playing it off

That's Aixah's new thing. If she falls down she'll try to play if off because she's embarassed, can you believe that? Tonight she was dancing to The Backyardigans and in the middle of all of the twirling she fell, first flat on her tush and then backwards, banging her head on the floor. It sounded like she banged her head pretty hard and I was prepared for some loud crying and having to bring out the ice pack. Instead, Aixah turned over quickly, facedown and proceeded to stare at the floor and run the pen (which she was holding at the time of the fall) through the creases on our wooden floor. She did that for a while, completely enthralled. And when she got up she wouldn't look at us. She just stared at the floor like she was ashamed, aww. My daughter's becoming shy.

On a side note, Mr. Victor is frying eggs and bacon on a Tuesday at 9 o'clock at night. What is wrong with this picture?

My apartment smells like Saturday morning.

I'm going to behave and not have anything, although the temptation is in the air. And my eyes are watering from the smell.

Food Art

These are not my photographs.  But I thought they were so clever and cute.

Happy Monday

Or rather, an unhappy Monday--the sky is grey and gloomy and threatening to bring rain.  Monday's should always be bright and  sunny, no?  It should at least be inviting, I feel.

Work has been crazy busy today.  I had 60 unread e-mail messages in my inbox-eek...and I had editors trying to find me on skype to discuss FTP issues and translation issues and deadline issues.  Everyone has an issue, ugh.  We have two chapters that go out to the client today for this current project and that always makes my supervisor nervous, who in turn makes me nervous; it's a vicious cycle.

Our office is also moving in less than two weeks.  We are moving from Astoria, Queens to the DUMBO area in Brooklyn.  Our new office space is half the size of the one we have now so there has been a lot of trashing going on.  The official date of

 the move is Nov. 12th.  The space limitations are going to be awful, especially since I am so use to the extra space and the privacy.  I can roll my eyes and no one sees me.  I can play my salsa music

 on my ipod and no one complains.  I have a window!  Seriously, those are all perks that I need to say goodbye to :(.

How about all the good food here!  I am having Thai, right now.  Pad See Ew and spring rolls, yummy! Another favorite is the Brazilian buffet--as you can see I'm all about the food.

Laughing Baby

A year ago today...

OK, so I have been feeling a bit nostalgic (Sundays usually do this to me) so I have been browsing through my Windows Photo Gallery and over two years worth of memory. And then I found this precious video. I have such a happy baby and I am so thankful to Jehovah for her.

I hope this video has made you smile.

Strange Dreams

The elections are getting to me.

Suffice to say that I had a dream with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. I was wearing an all white suit and the voting was taking place at Baruch College. The ballot looked like a test...what are those test sheets called? The ones where you require a #2 pencil to shade in the circle? Anywho, that's what we were using to vote. And the question was, "Who do you want to be the next President of the United States?

a. Barack Obama

b. Hillary Clinton

c. Undecided

My answer was c. undecided

Then...now this is the funny part...I wanted to take a picture with Obama and Hillary. Now, those who know me know that I always carry my camera with me and that I am just Snap Happy. I will take a picture of everything and anyone. And I am not shy about self-portraits.

So here I am posing in my all white pant suit, in between Obama and Hillary. I am smack in the middle of them, uncomfortably close, actually. Some random girl snaps a picture, but she only snaps ONE pic. Of course, the picture is out of focus and far away and there are people walking through the shot. But I guess that is what I get for voting "undecided."

The dream continues but it just gets too out there. First, Baruch College is located right by the ocean--I wish! And then there is a Tsunami, which I survive, of course. Seriously, my dreams are so bizarre. I've always wanted to start some type of Dream Diary, not to analyze them or anything, just to have and browse through every now and then.

My attempt at Pigtails

I thought she looked super cute in them, the only problem was that she wouldn't keep them on. One moment the barette was in her hair and the next it was in her mouth.

By the end of the night we settled for a compromise. She kept one barette in her head =).

My Little Companion

So what if the latest I wake up is 9:30 AM on a Saturday morning. I wake up to my daughter smiling from ear to ear and saying, "Hiiiiiiii," repeatedly until I get out of bed. I wouldn't have it any other way...well, honestly, I'd like to wake up at 11:30 maybe once a month. Uninterrupted sleep for just once a month, that's all I ask.

But I think the arrangement works pretty well. Aixah is up by 8:30 AM, usually. I give her the bottle and prepare her breakfast, nothing exciting, usually oatmeal or boiled eggs. Then I have my coffee and eggs and Aixah gets to play, which really means make a huge mess in the living room. There is no sensein cleaning up until she is put down for her first nap. That first nap is my best friend. Usually it is from 12 t 3...3 glorious hours in which I usually sit back and do nothing at all, hahaha...

Some of Aixah's favorite activities are dancing. And, honestly, she is very good at it. I've gone to parties with her and she will be the first and the last one on the dance floor. And she usually sticks to a partner, that is, some one to twirl her around until she is so dizzy that she can't stand on her own.

Her Saturday morning cartoons are Jack's Big Music Show, Lazy Town and Oswald. Oswald always puts me to sleep. And it is usually the last show she sees before naptime. Here is a picture of her sleeping (she took her pants off for this picture). She likes to cuddle into a cacoon and suck on a blankie. She barely fits in the crib!

Posting my First Pic

I'm a picture freak, you'll see.

I minored in photography in College and I hate to say it, but I was always just mediocre. If I had the time to go back to College now I would definitely take up photography again. And what better model do I have now than my sweet nenita, Aixah (okay...say it with me, Ah-ix-sah). You will hear (see) her name a lot and it is a huge pet peeve of mine when people mispronounce her name, so get it right!