I think I may be in trouble

Today I asked Aixah if she would be nice with baby Jonah.
We were cuddling on the couch together after bathing and it was just the perfect time.
I guess Aixah is sick of hearing about baby Jonah and mami's panza, so she quickly answered, 'no,' and gave me a nice wacking across my VERY pregnant belly.
And here I thought she wasn't the jealous type, hmm...

My picture of the day

Only one good photo of Aixah taken this weekend, but one that I love nonetheless.

The cowgirl:

Trying to go vintage and a tighter crop.

Are you happy, mami?

I'm about to head out but I just wanted to write out this dialogue that Aixah and I just had.


Mami, are you happy?"

Me, slumped on the couch looking miserable, "No, mami's sad."

"You're sad? What's wrong, mami?"

"My stomach hurts." In reality, I'm having a little anxiety attack over having baby #2. My stress tends to reflect on some very uncomfortable stomach cramps.

"Oh don't worry, mami," a look of concern washes over her face like no other and she proceeds to give me a belly rub. Then her eyes light up and she says, "band-aid."

You see, my daughter's a genius, and she thinks that a band-aid takes away all pain. So off she goes in search of a band-aid. She comes back with diaper rash cream and, very gently, rubs it over my belly. "You're OK, mami."

Pregnancy is...

(I'm remembering those little activities that we did in elementary school, where we would have to write our name vertically and write a poem using the letters of our name--I forget the name, haiku poem, maybe?). I'm bored, so here goes my attempt using the word PREGNANCY:

Preparing to have a baby

Rip through your insides and eventually rip out of you or be ripped out

Everyone is happy for you but no one actually wants to be in your place. 

Grants you the ability to gain 40 lbs. in 40 weeks in all the wrong places.

Nobody cares how sick you feel, they are only asking to be polite.

And now you have an excuse to forgo those plans to diet.

Not that I needed to diet, gosh no ;)

Careful if you get sick. You can basically only take Tylenol or Benadryl. And people will still look at you like you are a horrible mother-to-be because you can't just ride out the pain.

Your breasts will engorge and swell up to the size of balloons.  You want to feel sexy but you can't because, check it out, now you can make milk! 

And of course, the end result is a beautiful baby:

And they will love you and cry for you.  They will learn your smell, drink your milk, cry for you some more.  And then one day, they will put both hands on  their hips, look you straight in the eye with the most defiant look and one you've only seen on TV and say, "I no love you, mami, ok."

That day came for me yesterday, at about 6:30 PM in the evening after coming home from work.

Yeah well, some days I don't like her very much either, so there. *sticks out tongue*

My poor, sick baby

This was her Sunday night, right before bed.  As happy as can be with her new puppy:

Then Monday we spent the day together.  She was fine.  I put her down for a nap.  She sleeps three full hours and wakes up vomiting.

Poor thing is miserable. I place her on the floor so that I can strip the bed sheets and when I walk to the living room I find her slumped on the floor like this:

 She ended up puking again an hour later and was then happy as can 

be. Notice that even though she is sick she is clutching her Tag Junior, her new toy, for dear life, lol.

Friday-Home with Aixah

Did I mention that my new cut in hours involves having Monday's and Friday's off?

Well, to keep my sanity I am trying to take Aixah outside right before her nap and just snap a few pictures of her. Today didn't work out so well as I was hungry and she was exhausted. We were both two crabby people.


Most of the photos are out of focus.

My two favorite pictures of Aixah

Here she is at 2 years and 5 months:

Isn't she beautiful? Seriously, she has the best features, add to that her sassy personality and you have THE cutest kid.

Whoa, it's got a face!

Those were the exact words muttered from my Dad when I showed him my sons 20 week u/s pictures. Now I'll be honest, he's not very cute. But give the poor kid a break, he's not even a pound yet. Oh and for the record he is 14 ounces and his heart rate was 151. Apparently he doubled his weight in a 3 week period.





Here's Jonah Blake:

I am 5 months pregnant and starting my 6th month. Something like that, who can keep count. My stomach feels so tight and heavy. It hurts especially on the right side. I can feel my skin stretching and ouch it hurts. It's uncomfortable to sleep. I'm sleeping with three pillows and I'm favoring my left side. I'm a back sleeper by nature but that position is so hard on me. It feels like some one is sitting on my chest and I can't breathe. I remember being uncomfortable with Aixah but not until much later. Some times I have to take Benadryl to help me sleep. And I hate that I'm such a light sleeper. So all those nights that Victor goes into bed late I wake up and then it takes me about an hour to fall back asleep. Or those times that Victor barges into the bedroom for no apparent reason and asks me, "Are you sleeping?" Hello, are you serious? I'm a pregnant insomniac. You better be tiptoeing around me if I so much as have my eyes closed.

Work has slowed down lots. It went from being crazy busy to now only workin 20 hours a week. My new schedule is Tues, Wed and Thurs. I'm happy to have Mondays and Fridays off.

OK, I'm off to bed. It's almost 2AM here, waaay past my bedtime but the Yankees just won the world series and I was celebrating with a bucket of popcorn, mmm.

Oh the hormones

Yesterday afternoon I finished watching the last half hour of "Marley and me." SPOILER>>>>>>>>>>

The dog dies at the end.

On a normal day this would make me cry.

But as a very emotional pregnant person this had me bawling like a baby.

#1 because I remembered that my chihuahua, Tilly passed away about 3 years ago.

#2 because I love Labrador Retrievers and realized that I would probably never own one.

And #3 because if I ever did own a labrador retriever they would eventually die and that alone made me sad.

So my days are filled with this emotional turmoil and guilt.  I have all this guilt. So I feel guilty because I didn't try hard enough to breast feed my daughter. I've had dreams that I'm breast feeding my son and I wake up sad.  So now I can't breast feed my son because that may land me on medication for postpartum depression.

And just now I was looking on amazon.com at one of those scrap booking pregnancy books and I saw those footprints that you get at the hospital when your child is first born and realized that I have no idea where Aixah's foot prints are.  Nor do I remember where her first strands of hair are, or her dried-up, extremely gross umbilical cord stump. My cousin has a picture of her daughter's first poop. Why didn't I take a picture of Aixah's first poop and scrap book it? I don't even have an actual pic of her when she was first, first born because in my rush, with my water breaking and all I left my camera at home.  And almost no one came to visit me at the hospital besides my husband, my parents and my poor aunt that travelled over two hours and took the Staten Island Ferry on a very rainy day.  So I'm this horrible, unorganized, hormonal mother from hell that can't seem to shake this sadness away. I don't want Aixah to grow up with this huge complex because I saved baby #2's footprints and never scrap booked hers, you know.

 

There's something about Sunday's that make me nostalgic

It could also be the preggo hormones that have me pleasent one moment and super crabby witch the next--darn hormones.

But even pre-pre-pregnancy there's always been something about Sunday's. So I always make it a point to go out. And by going out I mean KH and then lunch/dinner. It's not like I go out to parties or out for drinks.

Today was one of those days where I wanted to go out and no one else was interested. I really wanted Thai food but apparently even when you're pregnant you don't get to eat what you want. It kinda sucks. So we came straight home and Victor and Aixah took a nap and I ate microwavable tacos from Costco. It's what happens when you can't cook and have no desire to learn. After those tacos I had some cake that Victor baked about 3 weeks ago. Then I got sleepy and was ready for a nap. It turned out to be a 15 minute nap because then Aixah and Victor woke up. Yay, I got to watch cartoons for the next 3 hours.

I'm kinda rambling here but Victor's wanted me to blog something nice and I just can't get past this grey cloud I have hanging over my head; mostly on Sunday's, Monday through Friday I am too busy working to feel blah.

So to be balanced and blog something neutral--I'm in my second trimester, I'm fat, I still haven't seen a Dr. but maybe soon, and I feel the baby moving (mostly when I'm hungry).

I still think this is a boy and we think we have a name but I don't think I'll be sharing as my names always seem to get snatched up by people that have their babies first.

I also think I found a stroller I love. I don't know why I obsess over strollers. Maybe since I don't drive then this is the equivalent to getting a car for me. Anyhow, I'm posting a pic of the stroller because I know come 6 months from now I'll have no idea if I wanted a Combi or a Peg Perego or a Maclaran (is it sad that I know these brands so well?).



Moving on to my first born and my favorite child, she is such a little girl. She likes jewelry, she asks Dad for money, she looks at herself in the mirror. Her hair is finally growing long and it's still light in color. I bought her a few cute outfits in Gymboree that I am dying for her t0 model so I can get some cute photographs. She's also been peeing in the potty in the morning and she says, "I did it!"

She's gotten back into cuddling. She does this alot. Hugs me and kisses me and says, "I love you mami," or, "Gracias mami," like when I change her clothing or her diaper. There's something about that that warms my heart but also something that makes me sad. I guess sad to know that she won't be the only one come March, that she'll have to share our attention and affection. It makes me a scared too, to know that I'll have to divide myself between two little people. I can barely keep up with Aixah how can I deal with two?

It looks like I may finally be insured

The four of us, actually.
Yes, we will be four. The thought of that even number scares the daylights out of me. But this baby ain't going any where.

So I went for the insurance on Saturday. A trip to the Medicare Office in Coney Island that lasted 5 miserable hours. Do you know how much paper work they asked me for? I had birth certificates and passports, driver's license, marriage certificate, pay stubs, bills, yadda, yadda. And I was still missing Aixah's SS card, that'll cost me a trip to the SS office. Either way my claim will be processed within 30 days. I have a good feeling about this. I think I got it. I really pray that I do because who knows what Plan B is.

I guess this should be the week that I finally tell my bosses that I'm preggers. Once I do I won't have to worry so much about what to wear. It's still Sunday, let me not even think about them and work for now.

Sharing Pics from this past weekend

Of Aixah, of course:

Dreams about chocolate glazed donuts

Like the ones that you find in Dunkin Donuts. Gosh, those use to be my favorite donuts and now I can't even remember the last time I had one.

This morning's dreams were all about getting my chocolate glazed donut. It turns out that I'm back in school, Baruch College. And apparently the College is now serving free dessert buffets or whatever you want to refer to it. They have this belt, similar to the luggage belts in airports, but smaller, and the belt deposits ALL the sweet delights that my imagination could think of. There was everything: Cinnamon Buns, muffins, croissants, carrot cake...But all I wanted was a chocolate glazed donut.

Along comes this fat black lady and her kid (now I'm not rascist but apprently I am in my dreams, lol) with this HUGE tray. And the belt is moving dessert platters in a clockwise dance. And can you believe the audacity of this woman? She removes the entire tray of donuts off the belt and walks away. She couldn't take 1 or 2 donuts she had to take everything. That witch.
So now I'm in a predicament because I really want a chocolate glazed donut.

As dreams would have it. There is another dessert buffet in the next room over. This one seems to be an Entenmann's buffet. But I'm not interested in any of that. Until I see two chocolate glazed donuts stacked neatly, one on top of the other, next to a coffee machine. So I'm going to grab these with one of those tissue wraps and then I see a box only a few feet away. My greedy mind thinks, get the box because then you can stock up on everything in case you get hungry later. SO I swear I only walk a few steps forwards and grab the box and when I turn around the donuts are gone. WHO is messin' with me!!! You would think I'd catch a break in my dreams right? UGH.

Anyway, no dhocolate glazed donuts for me. I don't know why pregnancy give me a free pass to want to eat all this junk food. Everyone else I know goes through an organic, hardcore veggies and fruits diet. For some reason people think the more fruits you eat while pregnant the cleaner your babies face will be when they are born. Mothers have an obsession with their kid NOT having baby acne. Why is that even important? My daughter had the cleanest skin and I maybe had 1 fruit while I was pregnant with her. SO there! And she was also THE cutest baby in the NICU. And, if you want to hear something that will really make you spin on your heels--I breastfed her for three months while being on a Chips Ahoy only diet. Mine had to be the sweetest milk out there.

Monday-Labor Day

I cannot express how thrilled I am to not be in the office today. I know I should be grateful for every day of work because at any moment I could stay without one but I just honestly needed a break from the routine and from the people and the e-mails and the meetings.

I asked Aixah what she had planned for the day and her reply was, "casa de Ada." She wants to go to abuelitas house, of course. I want to go out too. Last night I asked Victor to take us out for breakfast in the am but it is now 12 in the afternoon and he is still in bed. Go figure that he was up all night playing with his new laptop. I'm OK with that because this means a littl bit of secret playtime with his computer (he doesn't want me using his computer :(). I like this laptop because it has a nicely-sized screen. I'm just salivating over editing photos on this screen, lol. Now only if my husband would be kind enough...sigh.

So this weekend we did the following:
Saturday-Took Aixah to the circus. Or as Aixah referred to it yesterday, "casa elephant" = house of the elephant. She loved it. Watched most of the show with an open mouth. Then Victor and I managed to have a date night. We went to the movies and we will not be going back to the Pavillion on Prospect Park. Our seats were broken as in they leaned all the way to the back like laying down on the other person's lap. And the theatre itself only had 50 seats and it was packed so the option of moving was unacceptable. Victor said that if he hadn't been in such a good mood he would've asked for his money back. I believe him because a few years back, at a theatre in Manhattan, the concession stands were all out of hotdogs. I don't know how everything worked out because I was waiting for Victor in my seat but next thing I know Victor comes back empty-handed and a few minutes later a staff member comes in with a tray of food. They delivered the food to our seats so that we wouldn't miss the movie, crazy, no?

Anyway, Sunday after KH we went to El Viejo Yayo and ate tostones. I've been craving tostones for the past week and half. We brought my grandmother with us and she remembered to bring her teeth. And she didn't do anything embarrassing like remove her teeth at the table, eew.

Today I think we're just laying low. I have to run now, Aixah is climbing the walls, literally.

Aixah's Birth Story--REPOST

Rubie & Aixah
Aixah’s Birth Story

Tuesday May 15, 12:44am
I had just gotten into bed, 15 minutes before. I was lying on my back and decided to rollover onto my left side. A few seconds later I felt a gush of water. And when I say gush, I mean gush. I called Victor and told him, “I broke my water…look there’s water all over the bed. He helped me get out of bed, and there was more water as I made it to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for like an hour, my water still coming in gushes every so often. While I sat there my DH got dressed, paged the Dr.and proceeded to help me pack my hospital bag. We were both very calm.

At 2:00 am we headed out to the hospital. I was wearing my maternity jeans and newborn diapers so that I wouldn’t leak amniotic fluid all over the car. All the while, I’m thinking, “I can’t believe I’m going to have a May baby…I’m only 34 weeks,” and, “I never even got a baby shower,” and “We didn’t paint the bedroom,” and, “I’m so glad I got a pedicure yesterday and groomed myself you know where, just this week,” and, “Thank God my water didn’t break when I was on the train this morning.”

We arrived to the hospital at 2:29 am, and walked over to the emergency room. My DH parked in a no parking zone because the parking lot is so far from where we had to go. At the ER I used the bathroom and saw that I had lost my mucus plug (it was on the diaper and it’s just as gross as everyone has described). We went to the second floor, labor and delivery, and of course, had to explain insurance and all that good stuff. When she put the hospital band on my wrist I began to cry--it had suddenly become very real.

I was then called over by a scruffy nurse who looked like a janitor and cried some more. He loked like he should be holding a mop, not hooking me up to a fetal monitor. I was given the hospital gown and told to strip from the waist down (yes, I cried some more). I was then plugged onto a fetal heart monitor. Her heart rate ranged from 140ish to 160ish. A Dr. came and did that cervical exam (you guessed it, I cried, and then felt violated). I was 2cm dilated, not that it mattered because the baby was still breech. It was time to bring in the big boys, I was having major surgery. I didn’t cry, I asked what type of pain meds were involved.

It must’ve been like 4am, and my Drs. Assistant (who I had never met) was due to arrive at 5. My DH made the phone calls as I proceeded to be probed and stabbed with a needle. Let me tell you, putting in an IV is painful, and who would’ve thought that it took more people and a longer amount of time to insert an IV into your vein than to perform major abdominal surgery.

After the IV, I had a catheter inserted and wow, that is not a good sensation. I kept on asking why they just couldn’t do that after I was given the spinal tap. The nurse who was doing it wasn’t very pleasant, she kept on saying, “It doesn’t hurt okay? It’s just pressure.” I wanted to pee on her hand.

I was left in peace for a while and was actually able to crack some jokes. I met the Dr. who was going to operate and my anesthesiologist, my DH changed into scruffs (is that what they call the outfit). He looked pretty funny. Kept on telling me that he had to check me down there.

My DH wasn’t allowed into the OR until after I was given the spinal tap. My anesthesiologist was wonderful, I barely felt a pinch and then a small electric current that traveled down my left leg a few moments before I lost all sensation. They did the c-section and all I felt was as if some one was drawing on my stomach and then a slight pressure as the baby was pulled out. I remember when they said that one shoulder was out. I was so excited, couldn’t wait to hear her cry.

She coughed a few times and then cried, a bit. They cleaned her and called my DH over so that he could cut her umbilical cord. They finally brought the baby over to me so that I could meet her. She looked just like me, was my first thought, and so peaceful. Then my DH left with the baby and the pediatrician (I think) to the nursery, where she was measured and weighed and given a vaccine. I was stitched up and remember feeling very thirsty.

Unfortunately Aixah was brought to the NICU and I was unable to see her again until the next day, at 5am, when I was finally able to walk.

I can’t really complain about my labor. I mean, I didn’t have any complications, no labor pains, no contractions. My water just broke, at an excellent time (I was home and my DH was with me), it couldn’t have worked out any better.

Aixah was born May 15th at 6:23 am. She weighed 5lbs. 15 oz and measured 17.5 in. We are so happy to be home with her, even if she is a little fussy at night.

Welcome to the world Aixah!!! 

I'm back

For a while there I had lost all contact with this site.

My computer at work crashed and then my computer at home crashed (neither of which were my fault and I promise I can be trusted with a computer) and then I forgot my password and was just too lazy to reset it.

Anyway, quick (and I mean quick) update on me.  I'm 12 weeks pregnant today.  Only 2 weeks away from my 2nd trimester.  The baby has been kicking today like you wouldn't believe.  I call the baby him because I know, I just know it's a boy.  I won't be disappointed if it's a girl I'll just be surprised and disappointed in my motherly instincts.

Tomorrow I may try to go for the insurance again.  My Dad volunteered to go with me since he's become pretty anxious about me not having insurance. I've actually been pretty calm, mostly because I've felt so wonderful and partly because I can think of better things to do on a Saturday morning, like sleep in, hee hee.

I've been in a HUGE funk these past couple of weeks and just now starting to feel better.  I'm disappointed in a lot of things but I'm not going to let that bring me down. You cry and then you move on with it.  I don't want baby #2 to suffer from depression because I cried during the majority of my pregnancy.  

That's all from me.  Not such a short update after all, huh.  But I always have a lot to say.

What's your sleep personality?

OK, so we bought the new mattress and new pillows, yes, I've mentioned this before. Our pillows came with a fun brochure with sleeping 'facts'. It analyzes your personality based on the way you sleep.

I sleep on my back with my arms above my head.
What does this say about me?

Starfish
Although they may lie on their backs with arms up and around the pillow, these back sleepers would rather hang out in the back of a crowd than be the center of attention. However they do get the spotlight when it comes to kindness. Always offering assistance and an open ear, mind and heart, these sleepers make great friends.

So now I ask Victor to read his.
He sleeps on his stomach, arms around the pillow.
What does this say about him?

Freefaller
Lying flat on their stomach, arms around the pillow and head to the side, these skydiver look-alikes are usually outgoing and can easily become hotheaded. They do not take criticism well or confrontation very well, as they are more sensitive than they let others know.

Well? For those who know us, what do you think? I have to tell you, Victor's description was right on. I'd like to say that so was mine but that wouldn't be very modest of me ;)

Still around

I'm still here.  Just kind of been super busy at work. I feel like I never get enough sleep and then when I get here it's rush, rush, rush and once I get home I just want to go to bed. I'm in this sleep-work-sleep-eat every two hours- cycle.

Last night I went to bed semi-late.  I had put Aixah to bed at 10:15 and Victor was still not home from work (that's a whole 'nother post) so I had the TV and the couch to myself.  I ordered a chick flick, 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' and enjoyed it as if it were the most fun I had had in a long time. But then I couldn't fall asleep. And even though we have a new and fantastic mattress AND new pillows, I just couldn't find my comfort zone.  I must have tossed and turned and touched my belly for what must've been two dozen times. So yeah, this whole pregnancy thing is definitely on my mind.

I'm now in my third month of pregnancy which is scary. I haven't had much morning sickness although I get really nauseous if I don't eat every two or so hours. The exhaustion is horrible, I'm late to work every morning because I press the snooze button about 10 times before I actually wake up. 

I still haven't told the bosses that I'm expecting although I am noticeably showing and have just stopped caring enough and don't even bother to tuck it in or hide behind my huge bag. So they must know, but then again, we've all been so busy with our ridiculous deadlines.

And I'll stop there because I have a horrible headache and I'm nauseous and it is really hot in the office today.  

Rejected--of course

I've just had a bad day.
I took the day off from work since ,

A. I had no one to watch the baby
and
B. I needed a day to apply for health insurance.

Let me just tell you that all this crap about the government helping women who are pregnant is all a pack of lies. And let me also say that today has re-confirmed a thousand times why I did NOT want to be pregnant at this very moment.

So Victor, the father of my un-born child, couldn't make the visit with me to the hospital because he had a VERY, extremely busy day of work. So he drops me off and I enter Lutheran Hospital, which has to be in the most depressing parts of Brooklyn, with the Toddler. I go to like 7 different stations. All the women are Hispanic and all are very helpful. At station 2 I pee in a cup and they do a pregnancy test to confirm that I am pregnant, forget the fact that it looks as if I swallowed a basketball. So I pee and they test and OH, guess what, "You are VERY pregnant." So this lady writes me a much needed letter saying that 'I am pregnant." Apparently this letter opens the gateway to heaven. It didn't for me so if anyone's interested I'll sell it to you.

Then I go to Station 3. Station 3 was a horribly long wait. Their were about 20, very much pregnant Mexican women with their kids of all ages and me with Aixah SCREAMING. It was pure joy.

After a 30 minute wait, of which Aixah screamed for 28 of them, they call me up to schedule me an appointment for Aug 17.

Then I go to the final station of all where the actual application takes place. As soon as she sees Victor and my combined income she apologetically rejects us. She hands me a handful of tissues because I can't help myself and start to cry. Then I apologize for crying because I don't want her to think that I'm trying to pull one of those acts where I kick and scream until I get insurance.

So I walk out feeling as undignified as ever and I stick myself in the closet-sized toilet that I had just peed from about an hour ago. And then I cry some more, until Aixah pulls the emergency cord. Yup. Who knows what those ladies thought. Maybe that I was trying to kill myself, the Toddler and the un-born child.

I call for a cab and cry behind my sunglasses as I wait for the car. Then I cry in the car. The cab drops me off at my house and as soon as he pulls away I realize that I don't have my house keys. BEAUTIFUL. All I want is to get home and REALLY cry and now I'm locked out. So I start walking to my Dad's house and yes, I'm crying the whole time.

As soon as I get to my Dad's house I really let it out. My Dad becomes a complete mess when I cry. It's cute because he tries to get me to laugh at his jokes.

Him: "Don't worry, baby. There are other options."
ME: (wailing) Noooo, pregnancy is a pre-exisiting condition.
Him: Well, what then. Are you going to have the baby outside on the street?"
Me: (Crying louder) YES!
Him: (Laughs) No you're not, baby.

SO yeah, today was not a good day for me.

Day 2 (of knowing I'm preggo) Week 4 of actual pregnancy

And like 245 more days to go.

Aw crap!

I feel super crappy today.

I'm sick and I'm tired and I have heartburn so bad that it may have burned a hole through my esophagus.

So apparently I can still take Benadryl even though I'm pregnant (Thank you, God!), you better believe I'll be buying some at the store today. Now if I could only take a nice, long uninterrupted nap.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I can kiss napping and sleeping goodbye. Newborns cry incessantly, those little buggers.  And I'm growing one...stinkin' parasite.

A parasite who I have begun to think up names for.  Yeah, you heard right.  I have a soft spot for baby #2. I'm still pissed that Victor knocked me up but what can I do about it, right. What's done is done...*sigh.

Oh have I mentioned how thrilled my parents are over the whole pregnancy thing *rolls eyes. My Dad especially. He said, "Well...things could be worse...you could be pregnant with twins."

Thanks a lot Dad, good to know I can count on your support. And my mom was all preaching contraceptives and tons of I told you so's...ugh. 

Anyway, I seriously gave all of my stuff away.  Everything.  Brand new Dr. Brown bottles, all of my maternity clothing, exersaucer, swing, bouncy seat. Would it be wrong to kindly ask for those things back, if they aren't using them, that is?  You know what the sweetest thing is is that my SKs friends who I've known (cyberly) for almost 3 years offered to send my their baby things once I know what I'm having.  The mere thought makes me want to cry.  These girls rock. The other day I wanted rain boots for Aixah and one of the girls sent it to me via postman.  I had it at my doorstep within 2 days.  This is just how they are.  Very giving. 

Anyway, I'm leaving work now.  I really don't want to take the train home during rush hour :(.

Oops I did it again...

I got myself pregnant, that is.

Or rather, Victor and his potent sperm convinced my reluctant egg to start working on baby #2.

How could this happen? Yes, I know that having unprotected sex can lead to a baby but not when you do it right after coming off your period. I just had my last period in Key West, June 12th. Working off a 28 day-cycle I am now 6 days late.  Which shouldn't be worrisome except that yesterday for no apparent reason other than being fat, I was feeling preggers.  So this morning I decided to pee on a stick. And what do you know, call me Fertile-Myrtle why don't you. 

I can't wait to join all the Jewish ladies next summer on Ocean Parkway as I push along my double stroller.

This is NOT good news.

1. I have no job (I'm freelancing)

2. No health insurance

3. No primary Dr.

4. No OBGYN

5. A terrible two-year-old who I am doing an awful job of raising

6. No desire to start raising baby #2

It's a really strange feeling when you sit here knowing that you're pregnant. I keep on looking at my belly as if I expect it to grow before my eyes. Or as if the baby is going to start kicking. Then I think about surgery and I shudder. Morning Sickness, Fatigue, Constipation, Heartburn, swollen feet, mood swings, excessive weight gain, waddling...I don't want to go through that again...waa waa waa.

I just want a social life.  I want to be able to go to the movies to see a premiere or stay out late and drink with friends.

Motherhood is no parade, I'll tell you that.

Morning Rush

I'm in one of my crabby moods and I haven't been keeping track of my cycles so I don't even know if it's the beginning of PMS or if it's just my undiagnosed bi-weekly pissy syndrome kicking into gear.

There's always such a morning rush to get out of the house and get Aixah to the sitter's and then get myself into the office.  Of course, any 6AMer, or anyone with a 9 to 5 job would be appalled at my morning habits.  

My alarm clock goes off at 7:30...every morning...I proceed to hit the snooze button until 8:30, some times 8:45. I get up, tip toe out the room so as not to wake up Miss Foo Foo and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.  This may depend, some times I brush my teeth in the shower to save some time. In between brushing my teeth and showering I turn on the computer. I go back to the bathroom and do my make-up.  I can get dressed in 10 minutes but my make-up takes at least 15 minutes, usually more like 20, although Victor will say that it takes me 45 minutes, he lies.

Just when I'm almost done getting ready I start to wake up Victor, *disclaimer, some times he's already up. Usually Aixah gets up before Victor does which is a huge pain because she starts demanding stuff right away.  She wants her diaper changed asap.  She wants milk.  She wants to be let out of the crib.  She wants to watch cartoons.  It's just a bit exhausting. 

Once Victor wakes up he takes ownership of the bathroom.  It is totally OK for him to be in the bathroom when I am showering or using the potty but it is NOT OK for me to be in the bathroom when he is getting ready in the mornings.  Which is why if we ever leave our apt. we would need two bathrooms for sure (and a walk-in closet ;).

Anyway, today I took car service to the sitter's because I just couldn't wait around for Victor to come out of his 20 min shower when it was already 9 o'clock and when I should be at work by 10. So off I go with Aixah kicking and screaming, literally.  

Aixah looked absolutely ridiculous. First off, she was wearing rain boots.  This was my fault.  It looked grey and dismal in our apt. so I assumed that it was raining. However, when we stepped outside their was not a gray cloud in the sky.  She also had her Dora umbrella.  She had Gap jeans, low-risers that revealed her Huggies diapers and a Victor-made belt from one of his old ties.  Poor thing. 

So the car service was already outside and I'm rushing to put everything into the van and Aixah is completely strolling and taking her sweet time and then to make me look like a bad mother because I'm rushing her she falls off the first step of the lobby right in front of all the old ladies that absolutely adore her. So I walk over to her rather quickly in an attempt to console her. This is all for show because I know she's completely OK.  (I'm not one to suffocate their kid and to rush over to them every time they nick themselves.  Sorry.) Then I shove her into the van and we are finally on our way.

Once we get to the sitter's she doesn't want to walk into the building. Give me a break.  We do this every day for the past two-years.  Just walk through the door so that I can get my butt to work. So again I shove her through the sitter's apt. and run back to the van (I take it over to the train station) and when I look Aixah is giving me such a sad face that it absolutely breaks my heart.  I'm only leaving her for a few hours but by the look on her face you would think that I had abandoned her on the door step.

The look was something like this:

My Friday Off

I'm a dork.
I put the movie Finding Nemo for Aixah today and sadly, I was more excited to watch it than she was. I put her to bed at 10:30--late, I know, and continued to watch the movie. I cried in like three different parts...when the father finds Nemo and thinks that he's dead, when Dori tells Nemo's dad that she has found her home with him, when we think that Nemo is dead, again, and (wait, that's four times) in the very last scene when Nemo rushes back to give his Dad a hug and say, I love you. Lol, who knew that movie nights could be so much fun *glances over at Victor who is asleep on the couch.

I just finished taking a shower and washing my hair and am all freshened up. I was all excited too because we have new shaving cream, new razor blades, anti-frizz spray that I'm dying to try out and electric toothbrushes--tell me that you don't get excited when you have new toys to try out!

Besides new toiletries I also went shopping today for our three-day convention next weekend (we're going away to PA). I'm happy with everything I bought. I got new shoes too. Another black pair. (To Victor)Before you go yelling at me...the reason that I bought another pair of black shoes is because these are actually comfortable and they have the perfect insole for people with sweaty feet like me; gross, I know. Besides that Nine West had excellent sales AND I still have 14 days to get another pair of shoes at 50% off. How's that for a bargain?

You can always tell when I go shopping because I get that happy buzz. Victor was like, 'OK, how much did you spend?' Hahaha....And I still need to buy a few more things.

Aha! Aixah the Trickster

As for her dinner, the one that was flying in the air just ten minutes ago...she brings me over her empty bowl and says, "Se acabo." Translation: "It finished." Full sentence translation: "Look, mom, I ate all my food. All done."

I know she didn't eat the chicken. So I look for it on the couch and on the floor. Nothing there. Do you know where this little bugger stashed her food? Inside the empty goldfish cracker bag. Lol. What a trip and a half.

I'll stop eating the day I die

I am a pig.

I just ate an entire bag of flavor blasted, extreme cheddar, goldfish crackers. Granted, Aixah had a handful of fishes. But I had the whole bag. Not to mention that I have buffalo wings in the oven. Oh why oh why wasn't I granted the anorexic gene. Not to make fun of people who suffer from that, but still. I have no problem not fitting into my clothing. I'm knocking things over with my hips. Today I almost knocked over Bossman's bookcase with a buttcheek. I couldn't even look at him after that because after all the fat jokes I knew, I just knew what he was thinking.

Things at work have picked up, alot. I've actually taken the lead as Project Manager and think that I'm doing a pretty decent job of distributing work and answering questions. It's a Texas Math project, 5 Grades, Student Edition and Teacher's Edition. Right now I've had 8 people asking me a gazillion question every two minutes. You can only imagine how annoying this is as it has cut into my blogging, fan-fiction writing, facebook and She Knows time. Still, it looks like I may have steady work for at least 3 weeks, possibly more. This might mean another camera lens. Victor even told me to check out the prices on telephoto lenses. Speaking of which, I don't think I've mentioned today how much I love my new camera. I can't take a bad photo, lol. Well, technically I can, but I try real hard not to.

Look at these most recents that I took with the 50mm:

Cute Kids, right? Of course I had to throw in a goofy one of my daughter.

OK, off to perform my mommy duties. Aixah is throwing her food in the air, *sigh.

Oh for crying out loud!

Things have been getting a little ridiculous at work. And it all has to do with money.

There's this thing with the AC, for instance. We have one of those basic AC units like the one you might have in your living room.  Except that we use ours to cool up the office.  It isn't enough though. You still feel hot and muggy. Besides that, bosslady gets chilly every two hours and shuts off the AC for half an hour.  I know she's not cold.  It's impossible.  So I am assuming that she just wants to save on the electric bill. 

Within that half hour the office starts to feel like a furnace. She also wants the door closed at all times, so you can forget about air circulation.

I don't know if people are afraid of being fired or what or maybe I'm pre-menopausal, but no one will say anything about the AC. I'm the only one that complains about how hot it gets. Yesterday I was sweating so much that my hands were getting stuck on our magazine pages.  My feet were sweating so badly that I could barely walk in my flip flops.  Finally having had enough I asked if I could turn on the AC. Do you know what the temperature was like in the office???  84 degrees! For Pete's sake, I'll pay your ConEd bill; just leave the AC alone.  I even offered to give Bosslady my sweater, seriously. 

Besides that there's the supplies issue.  Did you know that they didn't want to buy labels so we had to type up labels on Word and print out the sheet and cut and paste them to every page, of every textbook, for 5 Grades? And then we didn't have enough scissors, so we had to share three scissors between the 7 of us...oh jeez.

Days like these I miss the Astoria office.  I miss my desk in front of the window, I miss the cold summers inside the office, and I miss our unlimited supplies, as well as my order-whatever-you-need pass from Staples. (I use to order all those expensive pens...*sigh). And even though it has nothing to do with this post, I miss my Cuban coffee =).

Funny Story (Potty Training Chronicles)

So my daughter has been away from home for 4 days and yesterday, after work, I bring her home and she is just in toy heaven, pulling out everything and playing with it. (She missed home). One of her favorite activities is placing a doll in the umbrella stroller and then tipping the stroller so that the doll falls to the floor.  She then picks up the doll and while rubbing the doll's head says in the most comforting voice, "Awe, you're fine!" It's really sweet.

Then she decides that she wants to play with the potty.  So she tells me that she has to pee and I pull down her diaper and pants and around she walks, butt-naked for about an hour. Suddenly, in the most urgent voice, she says, "Oh pee pee," and she runs to the potty and picks up her shirt so that she doesn't sit on it (bright kid, I know).  And so, I wait expectantly, holding my breath, not making a sound and thinking, this is it, this is really going to happen, my baby is going to go potty and I didn't even have to train her...And then, her face all contorted like she's pushing something big out, she lets out this long (and kind of loud) fart.  She smiles, jumps up and says, "I did it!"

Looks like Aixah thinks she needs to use the potty any time she has to pass gas.  Oh, if only everyone had manners like my daughter.

Oh the drama!

We're home!  Back from our mini-vacation and completely spontaneous trip to Key West. It has been years since Victor and I take a vacation together.  The last one was three years ago for a friends wedding in CA. 

Key West is beautiful and I have 900 photographs to prove it. 

Unfortunately, as is the case with us, there was tons of drama. 

Drama #1: I'm thinking, hotel room=great sex. For whatever reason, sex is always better in a hotel. The thing was that I wasn't expecting to get my period on the very same day of our vacation. And since I wasn't expecting it I wasn't carrying any maxi pads.  So along we go, driving in our very expensive Jeep Wrangler rental along a beautiful coast far away from home and I'm jumping in and out of the car to snap pics and Aixah is quietly sitting in the back being all nice and all is good in the world. And then...hmm...something's quite not right. So I kind of check myself out and yup, there it is. And there we are, parked in a small island, in the middle of a larger chain of islands and about 2 hours away from our hotel with nothing but a piece of Bounty pried in between my legs. This is just wonderful. 

Shortly after...

Drama #2: Victor loses his cell phone.  We go and make a U-turn back to all the places we pulled over to take pics.  I have it in my mind that the phone is some where in the car. But that Jeep is just so huge that we don't actually find the phone until 45 minutes later. Victor looks all over all the rest stops and in the trash and in the sand.  He has it in his head that some one stole his phone...cuz there are just TONS of people out there *rollseyes* Not to be left behind Aixah starts screaming. We've been driving for three hours and she wants out. I change her pamper and watch as Victor starts to breakdown.  Apparently losing that phone is a huge deal because that's also our GPS and that is also how Victor is conducting his business while away from NY. While Aixah screams I change her diaper and two minutes later she poops so I have to change that too and mind you, this Bounty can't hold on for much longer. Back in the car I go and I do a prayer, don't laugh, I prayed and I said something like, ...please let us find this phone. We just want to enjoy ourselves for a few days...etc. etc. Not even five minutes later I glance in between the seats, I had done this already several times and it hadn't bee

n there, but maybe with all the movement it has shifted forward.  And there it is, Victor's beautiful Blackberry. I think I'm gonna score Brownie points b

ecause I found his phone but apparently Victor hasn't forgotten that I just got my period and ruined any chances of having great sex. So off we drive in brooding silence, except for Aixah who likes to brood very loudly.

That was Day 1. Not to mention that as soon as we reached our hotel we were greeted by a torrential downpour. Not that that stopped Victor from getting into the pool. (Oh and Aixah flipped over my camera bag while it was still open and spilled all of its contents, including a VERY expensive new lens onto the floor. Thankfully it didn't break or I would've gone ballistic).

Day 2 was pleasant for the most part. Except for when Aixah decided to get into my camera bag and eat TUMS and possible Advil gel-tabs that I had packed for the trip. I was showering and Victor was watching her but apparently it was my fault for carrying the pills along. So we argued and threw wet underwear at each other and that was followed by the silent treatment. That night I dreamt that Aixah died.

Day 3 (possibly Day 2) something bit me on my eyelid and I had my eye swollen for most of the trip. The pain is finally gone now but I still have the swelling. The swelling made for horrible pics of me.

Finally, our last day.  I really hate going back home after vacation. NY is so dismal and colorless. Our flight was delayed and we ended up landing at Laguardia at 1AMish, then we waited on line for a cab for 20 minutes, then there was traffic on the way home. We pull up to our apartment at 2AM. Aixah is up and she's exhausted and she can't wait to get into the apartment, except that...wait...where are Victor's keys? They are not in the diaper bag. They are not in my purse or the carry on suitcase. Completely homeless we stand in our lobby, looking pathetic and cold and carrying out of place tans. We stand there for an hour. Finally a girl lets us into the lobby and Victor is able to, get this, 'break into' our apartment. Why does that not lie well with me? 

If your life could be a movie, what would it be?

How about, National Lampoon's Vacation...

Overall though, drama aside, I loved it. I can't wait to go away with my family of nutcases again. And yes, even with Aixah.  It wouldn't have been the same without her.

And, of course I have some pics. I'll post more tonight.

 

The Good, the bad and the ugly

There is tons of updating to be done but I'm not sure which to keep private and which should go public. I have a big mouth, or rather I have happy typing fingers, so I need to be careful with how much I spill. (Anyway, you wouldn't believe me if I told you, seriously--and No, I'm not pregnant).

So in the moments of my absence I have started working again, become the proud owner of a Canon Rebel XSI--this thing is a machine gun, had my first unpaid photo shoot, written fiction and posted it online for all to read, become reacquainted with old friends, learned to ride a bike, convinced myself that I am the worst mother ever and drawn closer to God.

And that is me in a nutshell.

I am happy and I'm also proud of myself (if one can say that about themselves) because I can bounce back from an awful situation and just 'deal' with it. Of course, the 'awful' situation referenced to wasn't fatal but still, I carried myself well. *pats back*

Parenting, on the other hand, is getting harder. I'm becoming the mother that I said I would never become. The mother that just lets their child throw tantrums or that just gives their child what they want so that they won't make a scene. I find myself losing it a lot of times and unable to deal. I think I'm the only mother out there that isn't suffering from some baby fever. I can't see myself having another one. And when I hear of some one getting pregnant I'm just like, why? Is everyone out there enjoying motherhood? Is there a quota that you're out to fulfill? I'm not getting it *scratches head*. Will some one please pass me some baby fever dust?

So, in an attempt to enjoy the warmer weather and spend some quality time together as a family, quality time that doesn't involve Aixah hogging the big sofa and watching Hi-5 while I type away some imaginary story involving superheroes (yes, you heard right, superheroes) we go to Toys'R'Us and buy a bike with a baby seat strapped to the back. Well, Victor buys the bike and I get stuck with the old bike that's been sitting in out apartment, abandoned, for the past two years. It's all good though because I have the new camera *grins*

This was this past Saturday. Mind you it was the first time in about 5 days that the sun shone. We finally decided to leave the house at about seven in the evening. Aixah refused to eat her dinner and we just headed out. We wanted to do a bike trail along the Verrazano Bridge Park while the sunset. By the time Victor had finished mounting the baby seat the sun had set a thousand times. It was dark and Aixah was crabby with a capital 'C'.

This picture right here summerizes our "pleasent" family outing.

Our "trail ride" was like three feet long, honestly. Aixah was wailing the whole time. We were a sad bunch. Victor had to walk his bike and Aixah back to the car. We ended the night in Applebee's. Nothing that a few beers and a few buffalo wings can't fix, right?

And just so that I don't end things on a sad note...the next day we went to the park on our bikes and Aixah loved it. I almost got hit by a car, but that's another story.

Aixah the terrible two-year-old

The strangest thing just happened today. I realized how big Aixah is. I mean, people say she's big all the time. And I know she's long but today she actually felt heavy, like fat-heavy. And she looks chunky. When in the world did that start to happen? It's a bit disconcerting, especialloy since she'll be two in a few days. She looks bigger than two and I think people expect more than her because she looks older than what she is. But just for the record Aixah is not/does not:

-potty trained-although she did do pee pee around it once.

-speak in full sentences (unless you count sentences like, 'Papi, sit down' or 'That's mine' as full sentences.

-know how to dress herself-she tries and can manage with socks and shoes but the whole shirt thingy is boggling to her.

-know her abc's (sorry, I know other two-year-olds can but not my two-year-old) She does count from 1 to 10 in Spanish, kind of.

-sleep in a toddler bed (still in her crib and I am fine with that).

Some lady decided to fight with my toddler in Babies r'us today, all because Aixah bopped her in the head with a gift wrapping roll. She went all Bed Stuy on us, "Excuse me," and "You child just hit me in the head, say something to her.' I usually stay quiet in these situations but I just couldn't. I told her, "Relax, we didn't see what was going on." She went on a rant about everyone having kids and knowing how to train them. She actually mumbled that under her breath as she walked away. I don't know what my exact words were but I know that the words, 'stupid,' and 'give me a break,' were there some where. I also said, "Obviously not all of us have kids," my translation of that is, "you'd make a horrible mom." I did get in the last word so that made me feel semi-triumphant. Some people are so rude. Seriously, if you hate other peoples kids so much than you should stay away from stores like babies r us.

Three weeks and counting

This is my third week that I've been home, out of work. I haven't started looking for work yet I have my hopes set on that project due to begin at the office at around the end of May and that should last through the summer. My cubicle is still intact. My cell phone charger is there, Aixah's photos are hanging on the wall. I haven't moved out yet.

Next week I need to be more proactive. I should see about applying for Family Health Plus or other insurance. I should also see about exercising, going out for walks with Aixah, getting away from the computer. Anything that involves some type of activity.

I received my debit card from the unemployment office and I still have my last check from the office which is in the mail and due to arrive soon. I still have funds, I tell myself. I am still worthy of going out for pedicures and buying make-up at Sephora and going out for expensive dinners and wine. My husband reminds me otherwise, always the wiser and more reasonable of the two. I think Aixah gets the tantrums from her momma. I kick and scream when I can't get something that I want. And right now I want the Canon Rebel. There is nothing that I want more than that digital SLR. I have big dreams with it. Going back to school, building up my portfolio and eventually doing paid sessions. It's silly things that you start to think when you are out of work and suddenly realize that your previous employment that lasted almost three-years left you lacking. That my title of an Editor is really undeserving. I want to avoid interviews like the plague. I want to get hired by my witty e-mail skills. Something big is going to come of this, people tell me. And so I sit here and wait.

And wait...

The Wolverine

I must say, I've had a fantastic weekend! Yesterday I hung out with one of my closest friends and her husband. We went to an Irish pub by her job over on Trinity Place and I had a sour Whiskey, which I loved and French Onion Soup and spicy buffalo wings (my favorite combination) and I finished it off with an Irish Coffee. The BEST Irish Coffee that I've had, even though it's only my third Irish Coffee, lol.

We had bought tickets in advance to go see WOLVERINE so we headed there for an early movie because my mom was watching Aixah and she always gives me an early, don't get-here-later-than-eleven-thirty curfew.

The movie was pretty good. It had its gaps and it wasn't as memorable as other films, say, Ironman, but it worked and Hugh Jackman worked it for sure. So of course we were all hyped after the film and started discussing super powers and what power we would like to have. I'm not very creative, all I could come up with was that I wanted to be able to fly and be Wolverine's love interest. But Supa Bon Bon, who is more creative than she likes to give credit for said that she wanted to be the love child of Storm and Wolverine, she could fly, heal, etc. And I'm there thinking, write a story about that, that is a fantastic plot line. I'm in this total fanfic zone. I haven't written any fanfic, haven't written fanfic since I was like 15 and now that I think about it my fanfic was usually based on Terminator and X-Men. I also left a FB status that said, "Going to see Wolverine," and my best friend from JHS replied, "Didn't you have a massive crush on him in JH?"

Anyway, I digress...so after the movie we go to another pub for more drinks. On our way out, Miss Chatterbox, which would be me, almost steps on two 4-inch long roaches dancing around on the pavement. There's this moment when all three of us kind of huddle together and just scream, not loudly and not for very long, but a scream/shriek nonetheless.

Sunny Skies

The weather was absolutely gorgeous this past weekend. The temperatures were in the 90s both Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday we had our Special Day Convention and Aixah behaved fairly well. We went out to eat afterwards with a group of friends to an Argentine Steakhouse in Lower Manhattan. The food was delish. I had Filet Minon, medium and it was so tender, you didn't even have to chew it. The bill was outrageous, Victor and I paid $300, eek! Needless to say we won't be taking that luxury very often.

Sunday I went to the Botanical Gardens with my parents and Aixah. It was beautiful. Here are some of my fave pics.

And so the unemployed nightmares begin

I dreamt last night that I went to the office to pick up some of my things. Victor was with me and walked into the office, which he's never done before, and only did this time because I had sworn up and down that it would only be Lauren. Boy was I surprised. The office was boasting people of all genders and nationalities. I don't know who any of these people were, or where exactly my subconscious picked them up from, except for one, who was a palestinian boy from elementary school that had a disability. And he was the one sitting at by desk.

Then bosslady appears in my dream, just as I'm shuffling aimlessly about and stalling, and she says, "We don't have any work yet." I'm giving her a, 'you've got to be kidding me look,' since there are about 20 people that are typing away furiously on their computers and one that is banging away on my yes, my computer.

You know that feeling you get in your dreams when you're right about to cry? It's very similar to real life. So I get that feeling and all I want to do is get out of there before Bosslady sees me in tears. Apparently, I'm even prideful in my dreams.

Losing it

Yesterday I could've been on Oprah and talked about how wonderful motherhood is. I could've been awarded mother of the year. It was a wonderful day being with my sweet two-year-old and attempting to potty train. I didn't mind that I had to strip Aixah of her pants and pampers several times that day and place her on the potty even though I knew that she was psyching me out each time. I almost didn't care that she pooped and then reached to grab it and show it to me as if to confirm, yup, poop. It didn't matter because I was loving being a SAHM. Work? Who needs work? Not when you have such great, fulfilling companionship.

And then today comes. And I'm just ready to combust. I don't want to potty train, I don't want to color with her, and I don't want to try to force her to eat. If all she wants to eat is half a bagel for the whole day then so be it. If she wants to eat her crayons then so be it. I don't want to hear her call my name over and over again. The whining bothers me. I always answer the same way, "Yes, my love." I say it in Spanish, "Si mi amor," except that amor sounds like, amolllll. The longer I extend the l the more irritated I am.

Aixah's a real genius though. She has this great line that she executes in the precise moment of my near combustion. She says, "Mami, I ouv you," cocking her head to the side and smiling that big, toothy grin. She could seriously win an academy award for that delivery. Or if she sees my face really serious she's say, "Mami, niiiice," and caresses my arm, if that doesn't work she'll kiss me. Real genius that kid is.

I don't know what has happened to me since yesterday, cabin fever, maybe? Yesterday I was so in love with my child and today I'm ready to give her away. I'm sure I'd miss her after a few days and probably ask to have her back, but only after a few days.

So I do what any other desperate mother would do. I head to Grandma's. I'm walking at maximum velocity. I'm chasing away people loitering on the wheelchair ramp. I was so desperate to get her out of the house that I just dressed her in a spaghetti strap dress and capris and a light jacket even though it was cloudy and in the mid-50s. Oops. I was just waiting, just waiting for some nosy stranger to say, "Isn't she cold?" Fortunately no one dared to approach me, cuz I was just ready to bite some one's head off. I turn the corner into my mother's street and Aixah shouts, "Abu," raising both hands in the air as if she were praising Jah. I understand the joy. I feel like juimping up and down myself. I'm tempted to just knock on my mother's door and just leave my child as an offering. But I don't, of course. You can think these thoughts and blog about them but if you actually do it, then that's when you've really lost it.

Potty Training

Day 1:


First Aixah liked the potty. She liked to take it apart and then try to put it back together and then scream when she couldn't get it right. She also got a kick out of opening the top and slamming it shut a numerous amount of times...open, shut, open, shut. She tried stepping on it, coloring on it and throwing garbage in it.


OK, so now that we had established that Aixah was not afraid of the potty it was time to get serious. So I ask her, "pee pee?" And she nods and says, "pee, pee."

So I take off her pants, take off her pampers and sit her down. And this is when Aixah freaks out and clings to me as if I were about to throw her out a window. Uh Oh, not good. I don't pressure her. I put her pamper back on and she puts her pants on, the fastest ever.


She naps, I nap and then, sucess! She's not afraid of the potty. She hasn't peed in it either but at least now she sits on it butt naked. Either we are progressing or she just likes to be butt naked.



She likes to sit on it and color. Every time I glance over to her she gives me a nod of encouragement and says, "pee, pee."

Not bad for Day 1, right? At least she hasn't peed on the floor.

Random thoughts for the night

First off, I have this thought of giving my daughter a middle name. I came across an old notebook way back when I was pregnant (so far back that I didn't even know the sex yet) and I had middle names, lot's. One of them being Sophia. Aixah Sophia. How does that sound? Doesn't it sound pretty? I bet the courts charge you a pretty penny to change a name.

Another thought (an expensive thought at that), I want to buy myself a digital SLR (Single Lens Reflex) camera. Something cool like the Canon Rebel. Here's the thing. A friend of mine asked me to take photos of a group of kids graduating High School. She thinks that since I minored in photography in College I'm some sort of professional (and I don't want to disappoint her ;) I don't want to take photos with my point and shoot. That is so limiting. I would be getting the camera for a good cause. Anyway, the graduation party isn't until June so I figure that the pics may not be 'till May (once the weather is warmer; since we would be doing them at Brighton Beach) and I have plenty of time to save for a camera. We'll see what happens then (here's hoping that I still have a job/income/paycheck/mula by then).

Anyway, that's all there is to tell. I'm having whiskey and coke and just enjoy my company...WOOT!

Luis Fonsi and other matters

Last night I had a dream that Luis Fonsi declared his love for me in concert.  It was all very storybook romance.  But that's totally me, you know!  The dream continued in some mansion that was a museum with the amount of security as the Empire State Building.  I don't know what the point of that dream was, only that the main theme was that I had left my phone there and had to rush through all the rooms looking for it.  Is it possible that I'm still obsessing over that stupid phone?  And why should I even care, Luis Fonsi had just kissed me in the previous segment of my dream, HELLO! 

The funny part was that I had not only left my phone in this mansion/museum/empire state building but I had also left my MK's bag, my baby stroller and my CHILD!!!  Um, why was I more concerned over a blackberry than my daughter!  I have some twisted mind.  Maybe I was just very confused over being in love with a very hot looking, puerto rican singer that is married to Victor's second or third cousin, lol.

This morning I woke up exhausted.  I have been working tons (by tons I mean a lot more than I normally work).  I told myself I wouldn't work any extra hours but then the jefa comes over and asks me if I could just send a couple of files out after I get home and I am such a sucker, I say 'yes,' 'of course I can,' 'I'd be more than honored to.'  So I work an 8 hour shift, get home and cook a horrible meal (that really bummed me out, I was so hungry) and while I'm eating I'm also on the computer trying to communicate with one of our translators but her e-mails are all coming back to me cryptic, meaning like this: $^%#%#^% ^W&%#

Everything is symbols, I can't tell what she is trying to tell me.  We eventually figure it out and all is well but by this point I just want to sleep for two days straight.  

I'm back in the office this morning and not busy at all, since I did most of the work late last night, but then the jefa catches me looking at swimsuits, eek!  That's no good.  Anyway, these swimsuits are so pretty.  They got me all excited about the summer.  I think I'll get myself a turquoise tankini and a black ruffled skirt.  "She wore an itsy, bitsey, tinny, weeny, yellow polka dot bikini..." I guess I better start eating my yoplait :).

Stay away from Facebook quizzes

So I took a quiz on FB, "Are you clinically insane," and this was the result:

Your Result: Bipolar
Ever wondered why you're so moody? You experience days or weeks of paralyzing, cheeto-binging depression, then a week of frenzied, hyperactive, ridiculously irresponsible behavior characterized by wild thoughts, sleepless nights, maxing out credit cards, having unprotected sex with dozens of strangers... or shaving your head and attacking the paparazzi with an umbrella. Some might call that chemically imbalanced... others call it "passionate" or blame it on the "artistic temperament". Whatever you call it, you could do with some balance... and Abilify.

hahahaha....well ain't that great! Now I may be bipolar...geez, something else to keep me up at night.

Memo to self, no more taking FB quizzes after midnight.

How is some one even diagnosed as Bipolar? How do they know that they don't just suffer from insomnia and a very BIG imagination. Or that stupid people should be attacked by an umbrella?

I'm too happy to be bipolar. And I think most of us can do with more balance in their life.

Spoiled by hubby

Today was proving to be an icky, monotonous, Saturday. I was working from home and complaining about it. Aixah was whining and Victor and I were bickering. The mood automatically changed when Victor said that I should get my hair done. It's not something that I get done often and my hair is not something that I concern myself with because it is so manageable. But still, getting my hair styled is a definitely a boost for my self-esteem.

So I got my hair blow dried and the stylist even threw in a scalp massage which was amazing. Amazing in a uncomfortable way because it felt kind of intimate to me, anyway, I'm weird.

Then Victor meets me at Annie Says. He knows more about fashion than I do, honestly. Next time I decide to go to a sample sale I'll take him with me ;). He found a cute gray (or is it grey?) dress that suited my figure (or un-figure, for that matter).
Well then he encouraged me to find shoes. What?! My husband was encouraging me to shop!!! This doesn't happen often. SHOPPING SPREE bells go off in my head. My adrenaline is to the max.

I got these Bandolino pumps and a pair of purple Bandolino loafers, which look really cute with jeans.

And then...get this...he buys me a Michael Kors handbag. NO WAY! I have to throw the receipt away before he convinces me to return it. But I have it, in my possession. So this makes up for that sucky Thursday evening and that's exactly what he was trying to do, awe. He felt bad about the whole Thursday situation and my girlfriends brushing me off so he decided to primp me up and give me a makeover, so to speak.

I have a good husband :D